Polka Dot Hippo

Transitioning

2012-01-22T16:45:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly making my transition from worker Erica to whoever this new Erica is going to turn out to be. I feel a bit glad that I gave longer than 2 weeks notice - because it's been taking a while to close things out and reconfigure my life. I've had to get a new phone, set up my zone/workstation at home, move all my files and just mentally pack away my job. I started by not looking at work emails after I left the office. That's something I wish I had learned to do a LONG time ago. You don't realize how much work creeps into your life when you're checking those emails. And you know, it takes me the same time to knock out those tasks the next day, whether or not I read the email the night before on my phone.

I am training two of my existing coworkers to take over my job. I don't think it's a good plan but I'm not surprised that there will be no replacement for me - the company is not exactly on the upswing. I work four days this week and then two final days next week and I'm FREE. Tomorrow I'm turning in my blackberry. I've already turned on the out of office reply on my email that I'm no longer with the company and same with my voicemail. I figure I'll be able to train better and help people realize that this is really the end if they have to act as if I'm already gone.

So besides dealing with the whole finishing work unpleasantness, I've been really annoyed by switching from a Windows environment to the Mac. It's just different enough to be annoying (command key instead of control key is like a grain of salt that keeps grinding into my wounds). However, I did just get a brand new iPhone and I have to say that Siri thing is cool beans.

I've been starting to look a little at part-time preschools instead of the place Anna goes now. Of course, with her current place I can just take her there part-time but I still have to pay full-time price so I'm not thrilled about that. But we may just do that for a little while during the transition. I have already been taking her in later and picking her up earlier and it's been working out for both of us. But I'd like to think about maybe having her in school 3-4 days a week instead of 5 just so we can do more things together. I want to enjoy this time while it's just the two of us.

I am getting asked a lot about what I plan on doing now that I'm not working and even receiving some "helpful" suggestions. I think the best response so far to that question is "I'm going to catch up on watching The View." So hilarious. My friend Wendy thought of that one. Of course that isn't true. I'm not going to suck up my life watching daytime TV but I'm also not going to suck up my life by just filling it with busy activities either. I want to live with more peace, intentional quiet and space to think. I want to discover what I've got brewing here under my skin - I've been so busy for so long, I just want to listen deeply and then go from there.

And of course, getting pregnant again which is no walk in the park. We're going to start trying in March (gah! nausea! food aversions! swelling!).

Ugh. I feel like this is such a boring post. It's been so long since I've written anything at all that I just wanted to dip a toe in and say that I'm still here.

9 More Days

2012-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Quitting has been strange. My employer has never been the most well managed place and I've had some below par treatment since giving notice. I'm trying to take the high road - training out my duties, tying loose ends, giving a month's notice instead of 2 weeks - but they are not making it easy for me.

One of my coworkers (male, single, over 40, weirdo) told me that I should reconsider having a second child. He said he thought it would be stressful for me.

One of the partners said that my timing in quitting was really bad.

One of the partners referred to me as a cockroach (he was kind of kidding around but really?) the way I'm ducking out of everything. I didn't know that 30 day notice was so shady. (Although I did say I won't work Fridays... suckas.)

I''ve been dealing with a mixture of people panicking because I'm leaving and people acting like it's no big deal. Turns out they probably won't hire a replacement for me, which is unfortunate for those who will have to absorb my job. But, the company is splitting into two halves in just over a year and I don't think they want to deal with hiring someone new.

Still though. It just shows how little this whole thing mattered. These people who I gave my best to every day, struggling to always show up at 8:30, even when things at home were chaotic. Getting dressed, putting on a smile, doing a great job and now these egotistical bastards are giving me the finger after 6 years.

I know there are companies out there who don't treat their employees this way. I don't work at one of those places. At the very least it helps confirm my decision to get the hell out of here.

9 more days.

The Puddles and Plops of Potty Training

2012-01-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

Potty training. One of those things. Gross and boring to anyone without kids or perhaps with older kids but endlessly fascinating to those of us who are going through it. Every time one of the blogs that I read posts about potty training, I read every single word - hoping to glean some tips or just know that others have been through and survived.

We've been officially potty training (or "toilet learning", as school calls it) since January 2. It's actually not as bad as I had feared. We've had a little trainer potty for about a year now or so, and Anna has had no problem using it or using the portable toilet seat cover we bought. We even used it on our trip to Hawaii back in August. But all those times we were just using toilets as a novelty, when the urge struck or when Anna refused to wear pants/diapers around the house (which was often with her naturalist leanings).

End of October, Anna's school said she was ready. However, we as parents were not. We had Uri's 40th birthday as well as Thanksgiving at my mom's, our trip to Portland, Christmas dinner, etc. We postponed "U-Day" (underwear day) until the first day back after Christmas break. Three days before "U-Day" - the parents are supposed to cut all use of diapers except for naps and night time and stick around the house mostly. However, this was New Year's weekend and we kind of disregarded it. So we just plunged right in on the Monday.

There were a lot of accidents on her first day in underwear at school. She came home with 3 wet outfits. However, the entire rest of the week she only had one accident - at school. At home it's been hit or miss. She's about 95% with poop, which is really fortunate since picking poop up off the floor or pulling it out of pants is not fun at all. She has more trouble with pee - I think because it's hard to know when it's coming. Poop gives more warning. (Whenever I hear toots I'm all about making our way to the bathroom!)

The whole training thing has cramped our style a bit. I'm afraid to go to frozen yogurt after school because I don't want an accident in the store. We haven't gone out to dinner for the same reason. I think I'm just going to have to brave it. We did go to Disneyland but I decided that was a special circumstance so I had her wear pull ups all day. Yeah, way to send confusing messages but running towards toilets at Disneyland didn't sound fun.

I've been trying different methods at home. One thing that worked for a while was reminding her to try every single hour. Lately though, Anna has been rejecting this plan. She doesn't like being told when to try. So the past few days I've just hoped for the best and well, I've had to wash a lot of pants and sop up little puddles. As I said though, poop has been pretty consistent.

And now, a funny, slightly gross story about poop - stop reading here if you don't want details: The other night, I was in the bathroom with Anna while she pooped. She always says if there is more coming or if she's done and we count poops as they plop into the water. (Such a far cry from my pre-parent days of happy hour after work, I know.) Then she had a little poop-splosion and when she got down I said - "oh, you had a little diarrhea - is your tummy okay?" She said it was and I left her for a second to get a wipe. Uri came into the bathroom and she said "look dad! I made a little ballerina!" Bwah. Poop hilarity.

From Drab to Fantab!

2012-01-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

It all started with a leak. Friday morning we came downstairs to find our floorboards kind of floating a bit. When you stepped down on one there would be a squirt of water. Uh oh. We called the landlord and they got a maintenance guy in there right away. The entire floor had to be ripped up. Turned out to be a large project and they would be working all day Saturday (and are still working this week). Uri and I realized that we had to get out of the house with Anna or we'd all go insane. It's no good to be hanging out on a concrete slab while men are drilling holes in the wall.

So we decided to head to Disneyland! Just like that. It was amazing. I was worried that Anna might be overwhelmed or not enjoy it but she had a great time. She stayed in the Ergo carrier most of the time and I think that helped her. We did a lot of walking through crowds and that would have been difficult for her to manage on her own legs.

Favorites?

Meeting Mickey in his house - 3 x in a row
Pooh's Adventure - 3 x in a row
King Arthur's Carousel - 2 x in a row
Train around the park - 2 x in a row

We did Small World and Jungle Cruise each once (about all I could handle of those), Pinocchio once (a little scary actually) and that was our take for the day. Sadly, the Monorail was closed when we wanted to escape for lunch. But we had a nice lunch (after a loooooong wait) at the Blue Bayou and got seats right at the water where you could see the boats for Pirates going by. Score.

We were there from 10:00 am to 6:30 pm without much of a nap to speak of. Maybe a little snoozing in the carrier. She conked out in the car on the way home and that was it. We all really enjoyed ourselves and can't wait to go back. So glad it worked out.

A New Direction

2012-01-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

I quit my job today. It's a really strange feeling - I'm excited and a bit scared. I'm not going to look for a new job - I'm going to be a full time mom. I'm a SAHM (stay at home mom) ladies!

Things had just become too much - even with the part-time gig. The problem is, it was my old full time job and I was trying to do it in half the time. I was still very tied to it. I am over rushing Anna out the door by 7:45 every morning. I want my mornings to be more peaceful, heck - I want my LIFE to be more peaceful. I am tired of dividing my mental energy between home life and work life. Uri is giving his all to his job right now and I am going to use my resources to support him and our family. Especially since we're thinking of having another kid.

I am still going to keep Anna in school for now and see how it goes. Of course, I'll be dropping her off later and picking her up earlier so it's not as long of a day. But at her age I think she enjoys the interactions at school and they have so many more resources for fun and teaching than I do here. I may look into less expensive places but where I live the options aren't great. Also, I still have to check in at my work for a while. I actually found a girl who I really want to take my job and she's coming in tomorrow to interview with everyone. I very much hope they hire her and I can train her and be done with it. I told everyone I'd train her properly and always be around to help but at some point they are just going to have to sink or swim. It's surprising, but the world actually still turns even if I don't show up to work.

So I'm really interested to see how this is going to go. I know that SAHMs and working moms are kind of opposite teams and each has arguments against the other. I'm going to see how it pans out for me. Some of the reasons I was into working before are:

Wanting a life outside my family
Desire for my own spending money
Being able to take care of myself if something happened with Uri
Making use of my education

But you know? Those arguments aren't doing it for me anymore. I do have a life outside my family - I have lots of awesome friends and maybe now I'll even take back some hobbies. The spending money thing will be different - but I'm pretty frugal and also I'm big into the whole zen "more with less" thing now anyway. We have life insurance if something happens to Uri and if he leaves me, well, I'll have more problems to worry about than just working so what the hell. And my education will always be there if I want to go back to work.

I realize we are lucky to have this choice available financially. But it is also going to take some cutting back on our part because we'll be earning less than before. I think I'll be able to manage it though. Seeing so many of you who are full time moms and full time awesome really made me think. So here I go. Jumping out of the rat race. Saying goodbye to such a big part of who I saw myself as. Changing my game. We'll see.

A Few Holiday Highlights

2011-12-29T17:46:00.000-08:00

Decorating the tree

Getting "Christmasified" by Lola

Rainbow sherbet in a fancy cone in San Diego

First time meeting of Anna and her 92 year old Great Grandmother

Heading into 2012

2011-12-20T11:55:00.000-08:00

The end of the year is a great time to pause and reflect on failures & successes of the past year and to create intentions for the year ahead. Problem is, things are usually so hectic towards the end of the year for me - both at work and at home.

I have already been feeling a bit harried this week and it's only Tuesday. Lord help me. Part of it is having Anna home (freaking school is closed for 2 weeks) but part of it is the general holiday flurry. Even though we're really not doing anything for Christmas besides one house guest and a simple family dinner, I still feel a bit pressed. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just living the stress vicariously through those of you that are actually doing lots of activities for the holidays. So hopefully you can shrug off some of that worry because I will carry it for you. That's the kind of friend I am.

Hmm - so 2011 failures:

I have still failed to manage my horrible PMS. Prozac didn't really work for me and I don't have a better solution. This is definitely my biggest problem right now. I feel so on the brink when that time of the month comes.

I gained 5 pounds. Bummer. I am also really doughy and bleck. I have been trying hard to accept myself as perfect right now like Leo says but I really hate all my pants pushing into my body and sliding off my butt. Not sliding down like pants that are too big, but like pants that are too small. If you've had it happen to you, you know. Also my skirts are twice as short as they should be and hoochie-mama tight. Gross.

Anna moved back into our bed. Wow - talk about regression to 2009. It solves some problems but creates others. I'm just not ready to deal with it at the moment.

OK - I think that's enough for failures. Let's jump into successes:

I work part-time! I feel so great about this. I've shifted my priorities and am thankful for the additional time to focus on myself and my family.

I've started cooking again. I get help from this site (thanks Holly) which is great because all the recipes are soy and gluten free. We've seriously cut down on our number of meals out because I always have a quick, healthy meal ready to go.

Our family is much more financially sound thanks to a great year in Uri's career. We are lucky and I'm grateful. I don't mention stuff like that here too much but I can't reflect on the year's successes without counting it.

Alright, 3 of each sounds fair. Now for intentions:

Continue to purge stuff and do more with less. This applies to physical stuff AND mental stuff. I want to live as unencumbered as possible.

Be more patient with Anna. I am pretty good most of the time, but man, PMS rolls around and I'm a psychopath. I'm not proud that I've actually yelled at her a few times - I try so hard not to. Must develop a shield against the whining.

Okay this last one is nuts. Deep breath: get pregnant. I know, I know, I KNOW.

Here's to the New Year.

True Art

2011-12-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

Real artists aren't limited by canvases.

Housekeeper

2011-12-15T21:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm posting this because I see a lot of you go back and forth on whether to hire a housekeeper. Usually I'm that friend leaving a comment that says "do it!" and "it's worth it!". But today I just let a housekeeper go (she cried and it sucked) and I think I'm going to do the cleaning myself. Yes, the whole think stinks of hypocrisy but I'm nothing if not fickle. And forever plagued with first world problems, I know.

So I'm going to put the rest of the information about this after the jump. Because only a small percentage of people are probably interested in this (unlike pictures of me posing at a party which is clearly interesting to everyone).

Well then, if you are here, you are either a person with a housekeeper, a person contemplating getting one, a person contemplating firing one, or just generally curious about my glamorous life. So here is the dirt.

For a long time, we had a really great housekeeper. She cleaned everything really well and only occasionally broke things (like you know, jewelry boxes given to me for my high school graduation and wine glasses from our wedding registry). But well, there is a price you pay for having someone else clean up after you. We probably would have kept her but there was a kerfuffle and I shall not go into the details. Also, she was trying to do two houses in one day and would often be at our house until like 7 at night which is so not cool when you are trying to eat dinner and you have a child who is deathly afraid of the vacuum cleaner. So we had to let her go.

I got a referral for a new lady who I hoped would work out. However, I found myself having to explain EVERYTHING to her. I mean seriously, who doesn't know what a duvet cover is? Am I being snobby? I thought that was a kind of basic thing. I also had to keep telling her to do simple things like, vacuum the stairs, clean under the bath mat, rinse out the soap dish, clean under the litter box, wash the bathroom floor, dust the lamps. I mean, these are the things I am hiring someone for. She never left herself enough time to get stuff done and on top of that she would take phone calls the whole time she was working. Now phone calls are fine, our last housekeeper talked on the phone all day long, but she did it while also cleaning (not too hard). This lady would stop everything and talk on the phone. It was driving me nuts. When you counted the hours she was actually working, she was making more per hour than me and doing a really crap job. You know it's bad when you have to clean after your housekeeper comes. Lots of people do this little pre-cleaning thing but post-cleaning?

Then she started to really piss me off. Like when she took out the cat litter after the one freaking time she vacuumed the stairs and dribbled litter all down the stairs. Just left it there. She must really have been pissed about the stairs because today I had a contractor in doing some work on the heater and she straight stole his shop vac when he went out to his truck. She stole his shop vac so she could vacuum the stairs! He had to wait until she was done before he could leave! It was so weird! (Yes I have a vacuum that works and also a little hand held one that I feel is just perfect for such chores.) And then she was acting all huffy about vacuuming the stairs at all! People with carpeted stairs - is this a strange request? This is the first time in my life I've lived in a 2 story place and it just seems to me that you should vacuum the stairs along with the rest of the carpet. I don't know, call me crazy.

So anyway, there were just a million things she was doing that were not right. I try not to get too worked up about the house being perfect but I also don't need pubes all over my bathroom floor when I'm paying someone $100 a week to mop that shit up.

So now, I'm taking it on. I'm going to mop pubes, scrub toilets and bath tubs, peel raisins off the floor, scrub the cat box, all of it. Thing is, cleaning is actually pretty aerobic if you do it fast enough. I also think that with my planning mastermind I can break it down into simple, manageable portions each day. And also save us $100 per week which is not too shabby I say.

I feel like its also in line with my ongoing intention to simplify. Or is it? Is it more zen to do the work myself or to free myself from housework altogether? Is there some inherent good in rolling up my sleeves and doing this thing on my own? I sure as hell know the house will be cleaner than it's been in months. So that's one thing.

Freaking cat litter down the stairs. What the hell.

Holiday Party

2011-12-15T10:30:00.000-08:00

This year has been low on the holiday party meter - which I like. Uri and I were only invited to one big party - but it was an awesome one in San Jose and we left Anna at home for an overnight with my mom. You know things are legit when the party has this (I know you are jealous Alicia):

We had fun...

And for some reason I felt like dominating the photographer:

Lord help me. It's kind of embarrassing that everyone who clicks on the photographer link can see my posing but alas, that's what I get. And those of you who know me wouldn't expect anything less. I put together my own smaller album of photos from the party here (basically just pictures of moi, obviously) but all photo cred and copyright, etc. goes to Pete Nguyen.

Bah Humbug?

2011-12-09T11:33:00.000-08:00


Me, writing this blog right now.

Hello friends, it is your good buddy Ebenezer checking in. Since I posted here that I'm over holiday cards and here that I am sick of photo cards, I have felt slightly guilty each time I open the mail and see an adorable card with a beautiful sentiment. Sometimes I wonder ah! Will everyone think that I crossed them off my list specifically this year? Uri was afraid that we'd eventually stop receiving cards at all because of my not reciprocating. And it may happen!

But, well, it's not enough to get me off my butt and actually do anything about it. Even in my new part-time glory of more free time. So many of my friends have been sending these beautiful works of art that I truly enjoy opening. But I don't know, this year I've just been questioning all sorts of things. It's an ongoing process in life but this year in particular I've been very interested in simplifying. In unloading crap. And to me, the Christmas card thing was just a crap hustle - take a perfect picture, pick a perfect sentiment, sort through the trusty ol' master address list, stamps, addresses, stuff... sigh. It just seemed like so much effort for something so short-lived that will eventually be... trash. (I realize that some of you may save your Christmas cards or make crafts out of them but I just throw them all away when the season is over.)

But still, I could probably knock it out in a couple of hours so why can't I just do it? Why do I have to turn everything into some kind of STATEMENT? Why do I have to over-analyze everything? Sometimes I think it must be really tiring to know me and I apologize to those of you who do.

Part of the influence comes from following and loving Leo over at Zen Habits. I dig his response to people regarding the No New Gift Holiday Challenge. I want this for my life. I just want to be less bogged down by it all. I've been continually purging crap from our house - clothes, toys, kitchen stuff, everything. I even tackled a storage unit in Northern California that Uri had been paying for for over ten years. I had everything in it shipped down here and I dealt with it. We have one more of those storage units that I am going to tackle after the New Year. I even feel that cutting half of my job away is part of this endeavor of LESS. And yes, I'm fortunate that we can afford it but it has and will affect our financial decisions.

I just want freedom and peace. I want to live uncluttered in this hyper-consumer world. I want to focus on happy, healthful living. It's a balance though. I need to replace the junk with meaning. So that's been my challenge... since I'm not sending out cards this year, I am going to try and be extra kind and appreciative to all of my friends and family. I want to show them that I care and that I hope they have a wonderful holiday season. I'm going to try to feel it in my heart and then put it out there.

So maybe not so scroogey after all?

The Zen of Mickey

2011-12-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I'm one of those moms that spoke the evil of television for little ones and then eventually caved to its superior kid hypnotizing properties. Sometimes a person's just gotta get dinner on the table, right? Fortunately, TV has lost some of its wonder for Anna and she gets bored with it after a little bit. Kind of like the iPad, which she clung to for hours at first, TV is now something that works for a bit, but then is shuffled off in exchange for some more active play. However, that little of bit of time where it works is fabulous.

I do think it's important to watch what she watches and make sure I'm okay with the message and that it's not too scary or anything like that. Shows I like for her are Sesame Street, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Olivia, Wonder Pets, Handy Manny, and lord if we haven't watched the new Winnie the Pooh at least 6 times since we purchased it two weeks ago. (I still like the original better.)

My favorite show is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

It's really well done and Anna loves it. I like that the characters are very zen about problems. In each episode, setbacks happen (Pluto gets all muddy, Daisy's shoe breaks, Mickey's car runs out of gas). The characters never blame anyone or get upset about the problem. They look at it as a puzzle and then all work together to fix it. It's such a great way to go about life. How many times do we adults jump immediately to blame when something goes wrong? Or perseverate on how a problem is something in the way and stopping us from getting the next thing on our list done? Instead of just being here and now and finding the best solution.

I want to approach my day the way the Mickey gang does. They don't get hung up when plans change or a problem crops up. They just put on their thinking caps and get to work fixing it. It does bother me a bit that Daisy, Minnie and Clarabelle wear high heels - but I'm going to let that slide.

Uri's mom would probably not approve if she were alive. She had McDonald's and Disney on her list of terrible corporate evil-doers. I get that. Both companies certainly are part of a global marketing machine that inappropriately targets children who can't filter that crap for themselves yet. However, Disney also has a lot of resources at its disposal and it seems to me like a lot of good thought went into the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (Whistling and looking the other way when you bring up Baby Einstein.)

Do you let your spuds watch TV? Have you associated rules with it? Favorite shows?

The Picture Post

2011-12-06T13:42:00.001-08:00

Well, I finally got around to uploading the pictures from Uri's birthday parties, our Portland trip and Thanksgiving. Here are a few highlights and if you want to see the whole albums, I've added links below.

Uri's Parties

Portland Trip

Thanksgiving

Same Problem, Different Solution

2011-12-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

I just saw this interesting article on NPR's website. It discusses households where both parents work and how mothers report feeling more stressed by multi-tasking at home.

Turns out, the women were on overdrive, with some even describing the hours between 5 and 8 p.m. as the "arsenic hours."
"The first thing they had to start worrying about is getting dinner, interfacing with their kids, getting done all the housework chores," says sociologist Barbara Schneider with Michigan State University, who co-authored the study. "You could see from the data all the stresses and strains they felt as they walked in the door, and all the tasks" they felt they had to accomplish during those early-evening hours.

Hmm! This is exactly the time of day when I was feeling most stressed - between 5 and 8 pm. The article suggests that dads get a more flexible work schedule to deal with this. That solution wouldn't really work in our home so I'm the one who's flexing. I am looking forward to my first real week as a part-timer!

So Far So Good

2011-12-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

So my friends, I tapered my hours earlier this week and yesterday and today are full blown part-time. It has been really helpful.

Monday - Wednesday, I EXERCISED. This is amazing. Three days in a row. I haven't done that since before I tried to get pregnant. It's different than before though - I used to care about burning the most calories per hour and heart-rate and blah de blah. Right now all I care about is moving. I rode my bike for an hour on the beach two of the days and man, I have to go ahead and call it moving meditation. I know, cheese dog extraordinaire but I just keep thinking of that phrase. I was so nervous and pent-up and a ball of nerves and going on those bike rides just cleared it all out. Poof.

My very first part-time day (yesterday) was kind of a bust. I volunteered to help do some repotting at Anna's school and it was a really big project that involved lugging things around at Home Depot before some intensive planting for several hours. Also trying to plant in the courtyard of the school with Anna literally hanging off me wondering why we can't go home. Then to top it off, I had to login and send out quarterly reports from home. So, yeah, um, part-time? But still, the planting was my choice and the quarterly reports are always a last-minute freak out thing for some reason so it was to be expected.

Today though? Oh bless today. I am:

Going grocery shopping during the week before 5:00
Taking a sweet bike ride
Making a recipe (crazy!!)
Organizing the rest of Uri's receipts (finished expense reports = $$$)
Sitting on my butt
Picking Anna up early

To me, this sounds perfect.

There's Nothing Wrong With Your Face

2011-11-30T13:03:00.000-08:00

(Lyrics and video from the fantastic Ani DiFranco's super album Red Letter Year.)

lately i've been glaring into mirrors
picking myself apart
you'd think at my age i'd of thought
of something better to do
than making insecurity into a full-time job
making insecurity into art
and i fear my life will be over
and i will have never lived unfettered
always glaring into mirrors
mad i don't look better

but now here is this tiny baby
and they say she looks just like me
and she is smiling at me
with that present infant glee
and yes i will defend
to the ends of the earth
her perfect right to be

so i'm beginning to see some problems
with the ongoing work of my mind
and i've got myself a new mantra
it says: "don't forget to have a good time"
don't let the sellers of stuff power enough
to rob you of your grace

love is all over the place

there's nothing wrong with your face
love is all over the place
there's nothing wrong with your face

lately i've been glaring into mirrors
picking myself apart

Lyrics and video from the fantastic Ani DiFranco's super album Red Letter Year.

Holiday Thoughts

2011-11-23T11:11:00.001-08:00

I have really been enjoying reading how all of my bloggy friends will be approaching the holidays. It's fun to see how different people view the season. My favorite so far has to be "let's get Christmas Crazy for the kids" by jayesel. Her holiday gifting plan is the polar opposite of mine but I love seeing how her traditions began... from receiving amazing gifts from Santa back when she knew her parents couldn't have afforded it. I can get behind that!

When I read Christmas blogs like some of these - I am in awe of their super detailed Christmas plans. I mean, these were all up before Thanksgiving! Whoa.

Things have been pretty hectic up in here lately and originally my Christmas plan was this:

Don't Lose My Mind

But, I realize that I can probably do a little better than that. So, for all you out there that have been wondering just WHAT Erica over at Polka Dot Hippo has been visualizing for the holidays, let me tell you:

Decorate a Christmas Tree. Uri and I always argue about whether we should get a cut tree or a fake, prelit tree. I am in the fake tree camp. This year we (kinda) compromised and are renting a live, potted tree from livingchristmas.com. It costs a little more than the other options but it comes with delivery and pick-up and I'm all for that. Hopefully the tree will also smell delightful and not drop too many needles. Also, I can be self-righteous about how green we are (except for the fuel taken for that delivery and pick-up).
Host Christmas Day for family at our house. This entails renting tables & chairs, rearranging furniture and setting the tables. Uri is in charge of the food and I don't think about it or really care what happens on that front. (He is an awesome chef so it will be fine.)
At said Christmas Day, we will be having a Green Elephant Exchange. I am always trying to cut down on gift giving so this year we're all just going to make or recycle something and have a gift exchange. Should be interesting. I think I'm going to make some ornaments.
Christmas Cards? I usually do these. Something about this year is making me ignore this task right now. I am sick to death of it. Maybe we'll just do online cards from Paperless Post. I don't know. Bah Humbug.

And that, my friends, is it. Simple, but manageable and yes, no gifts. I really need some time to relax and get back to center. I start official part-time on Thursday of this week but I'm tapering my hours Monday - Wednesday. I really hope it helps because lord I am hot mess of a person lately. (We just uploaded all our pictures from November so expect some photos of what contributed to the mess this week.)

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

2011-11-21T10:18:00.001-08:00

Stumptown

2011-11-20T17:27:00.001-08:00

This weekend we had took a little trip to Portland, OR. Such a great town for food and also wonderful scenery. Uri had business meetings there on Friday and Monday so Anna and I met him up there... free hotel, woo hoo. There are parts of me that are glad we went. They have a neat childrens museum and a very cool great northwestern forest exhibit at their zoo - just like walking through the redwood forest. I enjoyed their easily accessible public transportation and just the ambiance of the city in general. Of course, very delicious food. I think one major problem Portland has is all the strung out junky type peops. And that is saying a lot coming from Venice, CA. There are just a lot of sketchy characters there. Maybe they are all vampires because the weather is funky.

There are other parts of me that wish I would have stayed home. Coming off two weeks of lone wolf status and Uri's birthday extraordinaire, I was stretched thinner than I would have liked to be before undertaking solo airplane travel with a rambunctious two year old. And boy, I wish I would have noticed that our flight there was NOT DIRECT. Holy lord. Two delayed flights does not a happy baby make. There were a few times on the way there and back that I was that person that other people with kids are just glad they are not. Well and everyone else. The full flailing tantrum. One was kind of hilarious because I tried to put one of those stuffed animal backpack leashes on her and man, she was NOT HAVING THAT. Like pulling as far as she could to the end of the leash and then rolling around on the ground wailing and stuff. One of those times where even when I was going through it I had to laugh (on the inside). I can now declare Anna liberated from any additional leashing attempts. It was worth a try. I want to add in my defense that she thinks it's funny to take off running away at random times. Which is hard when you are alone in an airport. So this is why I gave the leash animal a go. Quit your judging.

The high point of the trip was breakfast on Saturday. Our family are morning people and we were all on our best behavior eating delicious food. Score. Then we took the train to the zoo. The low point was dinner on Saturday. Uri and I decided to hit up a restaurant that we had been to before - as people w/o kids. We kind of forgot that it was a really fancy restaurant. When we got there, I was skeptical. There was a lot of ambiance and I could tell most people there were on big nights out. Even though we got there at 5:00 when it opened and that's usually okay. I spent most of the meal worrying about Anna being too loud or doing anything that comes naturally to a 2 year old - you know, like dumping the salt all over the floor. We were set up to fail. Part way through my entree I knew that it was a failed attempt and I walked home with her. It was horrible. I might have cried. I am proud that I knew better than to try and discuss it with Uri that night. I waited until the morning and we hashed it out a bit.

Our trip lessons:

Next time we travel, it will be when other things in our life are relatively calm.
No more fancy restaurants. Ugh.
NO MORE CONNECTING FLIGHTS holy cow I thought we'd already been over that shit!!!
Oh, no more traveling for pleasure the freaking weekend before Thanksgiving. I'm not even going into what LAX was like when Anna and I got home.

So now we're safe at home. Anna was so glad to get here. She yelled out "I'm so happy to see my cats!" and then ran around the house for a good half hour. We've been shaking off the travel day by watching Olivia (who is Anna's secret twin) and we're going to take a bath soon. I am pretty sore from carrying Anna and our stuff around for four days, but we're done. And it's a short week at work. And I already have her lunch made for tomorrow and the coffee set on the timer. And oh, I'm gonna be part-time soon. It's all good.

Occupy My Life

2011-11-16T11:37:00.001-08:00

Things have been nuts around here but it feels great to check in on the blog. I had a crazy busy week/weekend and it just hasn't stopped. Uri came home from Sweden to experience the birthday weekend to top all birthday weekends. I had a small celebration at home for him on his actual birthday (I actually baked a cake peops). On Saturday night, we partied rock star style with friends and then on Sunday we had family over for a brunch. Even though I had help (thank you Lisa, Theo, Alicia, Imo), it was exhausting. I had to call in a personal day at work on Monday just to get through the clean-up. I also found out that Uri was leaving Monday morning on another trip so it's two lone wolf weeks back to back.

I felt pretty down and out on Monday. The stress had settled right into my shoulders and was actually making me feel kind of nauseous. There is always some event let down after something big. When I used to be an event planner, I would try and take the day after a big event off. At that time I didn't have a family to worry about so it pretty much worked. But as any mother knows, there are no day off for us. I knew I had to do something because the wheels were coming off.

Well, I have enacted a new plan. It's a bit scary and a little bold but I hope it's going to work. I got the idea from my wonderful friend Tiffiny who has this work schedule for herself - also, her personality is similar to mine and she said it's done wonders. I'm going part-time. Real part-time. Like 20 hours per week and probably losing my benefits in the shuffle. I'm still hammering out the details with HR but the basic deal is: I'm going to work Monday - Friday from 8:30 - 12:30. I'm cutting my pay in half. This is a bargain for my employer because I will be doing my best to get my whole job done in half the time. I think I can do it.

Of course, we're going to have to cut back on some of our spending - like buh-by botox. Did I already say goodbye to botox when I cut down to 80%? I can't remember. Also, the excessive vacations are going to have to be reined in. But I think it's really going to be worth it. You don't need restalyn if you're well rested, right? I'm going to be able to WORK OUT ON A SCHEDULE people. (I forgot to tell you guys that freaking daylight savings time killed my bike commuting thing. I don't worry about myself biking in the dark but I can't expose Anna to that.)

My sister has been really big on all the Occupy protests and she calls my new life plan "Occupy my life". So I'm trying. I'm trying to be flexible and have more balance. Giving up lucre for balance.

You know who I think is an awesome feminist? Ani Difranco. Her songs have really been inspiring me lately. Enjoy two of my favorites:

some chick says thank you for saying all the things I never do
I say the thanks I get is to take all the shit for you
it's nice that you listen
it'd be nicer if you joined in
as long as you play their game girl you're never going to win

when i'm approached in a dark alley I don't lift my skirt ..
I have to act
just as strong as I can
just to preserve a place
where I can be who I am

Terrarium Fail/Win

2011-11-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

For months I have been industriously pinning away and favoriting crafty ideas. I feel like somewhere inside me is a crafty person that's slowly crawling back out as Anna gains more independence. A larger scale project I recently accomplished is creating terrarium centerpieces for Uri's 40th birthday party this weekend. I made them a few weeks ago when I had time.

I really did it up - making living terrariums with all sorts of pebbles, soil, moss, plants, I even bought some activated charcoal at the reptile store to make sure the recycling water in the environment was clean or something like that.

It was quite a production (yes that is a huge box of fresh moss shipped from Oregon).

In all, I made around 30 living terrariums. Sadly, the little buggers started dying off in strange ways. Mold, poofs of black death, too dry, too wet. I have a bit of a green thumb (no comments from the peanut gallery Princess Nebraska) but these things were not my friends. I think it might be the crazy weather we've been having - cold snap followed by really hot weather for a few days then rain for a few days.

The party is this weekend and I couldn't drag a bunch of dead/dying centerpieces to the hotel. Luckily, I tend to overbuy and I had a bunch of decorative dried moss as well as the living moss and plants that failed me so miserably. So on Sunday, I spruced everything up with the dried stuff.

I didn't document the newly spruced up terrariums but here is one of the original ones where I used the dried moss:

This is actually in one of my mom's salad bowls and I love how it turned out. I gave it to her to take home instead of using it for the party. There is a living plant in there but the dark green stuff is the dried moss. Lesson learned? Go with the dried moss. It looks better, is a million times easier to do, and takes zero maintenance.

Steps for a dried moss terrarium:

Obtain cool glass container (found the best ones at our community garage sale but also got some decent ones at the 99 cent store)
Pour river pebbles in the bottom
Place dried moss on top of pebbles (I used a combination of forest green mood moss and spring green reindeer moss)
Put some whimsical characters in the moss
Done

You don't even want to know the steps for the live terrariums. It's kind of similar but more dirty and lengthy. If you really care, I thought this website by Terrarium Man was helpful. I even got this terrarium book which was more inspiring than step by step helpful to me. Not all my terrariums died a painful death.

I'll take some pictures once I set them up for the party so you guys can see how my whimsical centerpieces turn out. Have a great weekend!

The Best Man

2011-11-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

What does it mean to become a man? When does that moment happen?Is it when you go to the prom?

Graduate?

Get married?

Become a father?

Perhaps it occurs gradually, over time. Little bits and pieces of boyhood fall away and then there you have it, 100% man. Today my husband turns 40. Age is just a number but from what I gather, 40 just feels a little different.You can no longer ignore the fact that adulthood is upon you.

Uri is a man who squeezes the nectar out of life. He has become an amazing cook, a respected chip architect, a loving husband, and a devoted father. He is generous, honest and kind. He knows how to laugh at himself and how to get back up when life knocks him down. He provides a beautiful life for our family, one where we want for nothing.

Sometimes the every day grind of life ensnares me and I am not as loving and respectful as I should be to this husband of mine. But on this day, I am taking the time to thank him and celebrate him. I am saying to him and to the world...

Uri, I love you so much. I am proud of you every single day and am so thankful that you are in my life. You bring me so much joy and are an integral part of our little family. I look forward to spending this and every day with you for the rest of our lives. May you have the happiest of birthdays and may your life unfold to be as perfect as these past years together have been.

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
I'll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes 'round the yard

She says "If I leave before you, darling
Don't you waste me in the ground"
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes round the yard

~Iron & Wine

Same Same

2011-11-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

I love me some mommy / daughter matching. Also, Uri is out of town and Anna and I have been making him little videos.

Here we are in matching pajamas:

And in our matching sequin dresses:

Zen it and Forget it

2011-11-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Last week Uri and I had a conversation with a funky little zen master. He's actually an MFT but to me he's Yoda. We went in for a little marriage tune-up and it was so worth the time.

It was a little awkward when he asked each of us to hold a conversation with ourselves between our inner Obi-Wan and our inner child - but in the end, the approach worked. He said we could refer to our inner child as "feelings" and that works better for me. If we go again, I'm going to ask him if it's really necessary to have a conversation with myself or if I can skip that part. Because it really does feel silly.

However, I had one of those watershed moments during the meeting. The whole thing was basically about how to engage with your partner when one of you is upset. OK, honestly the whole thing was about how to engage with each other when I am upset and coming at Uri looking for a fight. Even though I really don't want to fight! It's just my feelings/inner child running away with me. Anyway, the moment was when it just came to me - you don't have to worry about the past. I said it out loud and Yoda was like "yes! exactly!". And that's it. Everything just fell away. I felt physically lighter, like this huge chain just fell off my neck. And you know what? Three days later and I STILL feel lighter. I can't believe how hard I was working to carry all that dumb shit around with me. So now I'm trying to unravel it all - all my silly little inner checklists like who scooped the cat litter, how many pairs of socks I pick up, who takes Anna to and from school. I'm trying to find more joy in each moment, taking ever more steps towards learning how to just be.

Since Uri travels so much, I tend to take care of most of Anna's daily needs. Usually, this is no big deal. But when so many of you were writing your "day in the life" posts and I saw how active so many of your husbands were in the daily chores, I kind of went off the deep end. See, I was fine with my life until my monkey ego started comparing with others and feeling like I was getting the short stick. But you know what, I'm fine. I'm capable and I'm enjoying myself and I have a good husband. I can do this and I just have to remember to center myself and keep Obi-Wan in charge and not my feelings. Feelings are great to have but they can't run the show - especially for an intense person like me.

Yoda explained that it's just our egos that add things up, like past "injustices" or who did what chore last. The ego LOVES to get uppity and go looking for a fight. To be happy is to live in THIS moment right now, to make the most out of each day. I realized that my ego tends to busy itself a lot with stupid stuff and ridiculous comparisons. Constantly measuring everyone up to my difficult standards. Sitting in that office and seeing my ego for what it is showed me how far I have to go to become a better person. Not that I'm a bad person - but you know, just realizing that things aren't happening to make me feel a certain way - things are just happening. I'm the one who gets to decide how I'm going to react.

I know this probably all sounds a little California hippie to some of you and yeah, I guess it is. But honestly think about it - does it really matter who unloads the dishwasher more? When I am on my deathbed, am I going to think about the love I have felt or how Uri left his pajamas lying around? Life is messy and it's definitely not fair. I can choose to spend my time making an eternity of marks on my little chore scoreboard or I can just let that shit go. I choose freedom.

The one about china - no, not the country

2011-11-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

(This will probably only be interesting to a few people so if you don't care about china, you might want to click away. It's cool, I didn't even like china myself until recently.)

So remember about a month ago when I had that obsession with vintage china? Well, I am happy to say that I pulled the trigger on some of it. After looking at patterns and prices, I settled on a really large set of the Franciscan Laguna pattern for sale on Ebay. I love the Franciscan brand because all the china was made here in southern California - well, until 1984 anyway. Super cool. Laguna was made from 1941 - 1951. It's a creamish white colored plate with a maroon stripe and gold rim:

I was thrilled because the set on Ebay had enough settings for our whole family on Christmas. The set was huge with roughly 16 settings:

Unfortunately, the seller packed it like a complete dope. Seriously. Who wraps china from the 1940's in one sheet of newspaper per item (sometimes TWO plates in ONE sheet of paper)? It's a testament to the strength of the china that about about 3/4 of it arrived unbroken. However, a lot of pieces were shattered and I realized I didn't have enough for Christmas. Crappy. So right now the seller and I are going through this annoying process with the Post Office to get the money back because we insured it. I've yet to get my money back but I'm pretty sure it will all work out. Tomorrow I probably have to drag all the boxes and broken pieces to the P.O. for verification. Pisses me off because I don't think it was the P.O.'s fault but the seller is making me go through this before refunding me.

I realized it would be difficult to complete the set for the pattern I bought. Unfortunately Laguna wasn't hugely popular so pieces are scattered here and there. I thought it would be cool to get a complimentary pattern and mix and match. The CEO of Replacements actually wrote a whole book on Franciscan China:

So of course I ordered it to learn more about the china I purchased and see about finding a pattern that would compliment it. It's really fun to have a whole book with the history of the company and everything that they made, with nuggets like "At the pinnacle of its fame, Franciscan pieces were purchased by some of America’s most famous families. Noteworthy are the 1961 order by Jacqueline Kennedy for Masterpieces China to be used on Air Force One and the 1969 selection by the Richard Nixons of Franciscan Masterpieces China for service aboard the Presidential yacht. Other orders for special services for royalty from around the world were also filled. "

So basically, Presidential yacht = my house - or, as Anna likes to say, "same same".

Anyhoo - I found a pattern that debuted at the same time as Laguna but was a bit more popular (so there is more available): Fremont. Fremont has leaves and berries on a branch with a gold rim in the center - and goes well with Laguna IMHO. (And no, that doesn't mean 'I'm a ho', it means 'in my humble opinion') - I've been asked.

Just look at the beautiful coffee pot:

Love it. Love, love, love.

I ordered a 45 piece starter set (8 settings and some serving pieces) from my new favorite pals at Replacements and was excited because right now they have free shipping if you spend over $150. Yeah! (Shipping the other set cost me $100 so it's a substantial cost). And since almost all they do is china, they don't pack it like a bunch of morons (I hope). It should be here any day and I'm praying there are no broken pieces.

I paid more to Replacements for less settings than I bought on Ebay but it also comes with some cool serving pieces and more customer guarantees. So I'm cool with it. Plus did I mention their CEO literally wrote the book on my china? Yes, I'm a big fan. 3 cheers for china!

Urban Bicyclist

2011-11-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I got another nutty idea. This past weekend, I bought a bike. At first I just wanted it to cruise around the beach with Anna. But then I thought hey, the whole commute to Anna's school and then my work is 5 miles one way. Why not just bike it? Why not start this week?

I got a sweet "urban/commuter" bike (which my bike enthusiast bro-in-law calls a "townie" bike):

Pretty stylin', no? Allow me to elaborate from the website:

Potholes, taxis, trucks, busy paths; nothing stands in the way of Trek's Allant WSD. It's ready to roll any time with its lightweight aluminum frame and fast 700c wheels.. The upright riding position and stable ride mean top comfort and excellent handling that makes it easy to navigate around cracked pavement and errant vehicles. Plus, the Shimano 21-speed drivetrain offers easy pedaling, while the powerful linear-pull brakes offer excellent stopping power. You even get fenders so you can ride in comfort in all weather conditions.

You should have seen me navigating around errant vehicles guys. Anna rides in a luxury coach attached to the back:

Sometimes she's cool with it, sometimes not. Yesterday on the way home from school she whined intermittently the whole time but it's okay because I was EXERCISING.

I'm lucky to pretty much live in urban biker heaven (all the pretty colors are bike lanes):

So there were bike lanes everywhere as well as other bikers. I said "hi" to every single one. It was very fist pumpy and just a little bit hipster. It was quite a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, there were some tough hills and one where I had to get out and walk the bike - embarrassing. At first I thought I would bike all week but after my painful inaugural trip, I'm going to start with two days a week and build from there. Tuesdays and Thursdays if you are curious.

It's been a LONG time since I've ridden a bike and I was worried about how I would do. But this weekend when I tried out the bike it all came back - just like um, riding a bicycle I guess. Cliches are there for a reason. I was very proud of my ability to cruise in traffic on real streets, I even used hand signals. I made a LEFT TURN the right way on the bike not using the crosswalk. I buffed up on bike rules on this helpful website. I will say it helps having a baby trailer behind me with a big orange flag. Some people hate on bikers but who is going to drive dangerously near a wee babe?

I told Uri I want some photos and footage of the bike experience so we'll work on getting some of those. I hope I have finally found a way to work exercise into my life. We'll see.

Trick or Treat

2011-11-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween from the Little Dragon

2011-10-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

Even More Fierce

2011-10-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hello. I have updated my blog header to signify my new, fiercer persona. Since going off the happy drugs, I feel different but in a good way. I haven't discussed this with a therapist or anything, but to me it feels like I was using the drugs to jam down my feelings and not deal with stuff that was making me angry. I've definitely had some big anger as the fluoxetine has drained from my system but it feels like GOOD anger to me. I am starting to stand up for myself again and I like it. The gloves have come off. Everything in me says I needed to do this.

Besides that, my life has gotten measurably better since Anna has been sleeping in bed with me (or with US if Uri is home). I think the extra contact and time together is grounding her somehow. We both face the day with more confidence and leave each other feeling a bit more connected. She is such a cuddle bug, we share the same pillow all night and are always touching. I really like it actually. Also she sleeps in! Like past 6:00 am! Today we slept until 6:45 which is pretty much the perfect wake up time in my book.

The other thing that's making a big difference is having Fridays off. That extra day is well worth the 20% pay cut. If any of you working moms out there have any chance to do this - jump at it. And if you don't have the chance, see about making it for yourself. A day to get things done has been so amazing.

God Bless America. That is all.

Girls' Weekend

2011-10-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

Howdy y'all. I am back from The Blathering in Austin. I don't roll with a camera so at this point I have only one picture:

Don't you love my jaunty chapeau?

Thanks to Elizabeth for taking it (with much better resolution than is shown here in my crappy screen grab). If you are interested in seeing more pictures from the event, peops are putting their pictures in this Flickr pool.

This year was much larger than last year and I didn't get a chance to talk to everyone there. I did enjoy each woman I did get to talk to and laugh with about various things such as kids (of course), husbands, work, life, mothers, in-laws, vibrators, jail, bitches, books, hard times, medication, college days and certain pieces of yonic art.

Trip highlights for me:

Finally meeting Hillary and Michelle - who were kind enough to pick us up from the airport. No one does this in LA. so I was really blown away by it. They also shuttled our moochy asses all around town.
Seeing the funky end of Congress Street in Austin - totally redeemed my thoughts about the city after our last trip there. Also helpful to have a local guide showing us around and shooting the shit with us (who was a total trooper because she's 8 mos preggers!)
South Congress Cafe
Watching The Help with ma roomie (who has a better weekend wrap up), in our hotel beds while eating chocolate and drinking wine. (The movie is BETTER than the book - rent it!)
Sharing life stories with other fabulous women. Feeling like we're all in this together.
And to top it all off? Having Sunday all to myself. Sleeping in until 10:30 on Sunday, followed by a leisurely lunch downtown and a massage at the airport. Not to say that the high point of this weekend was alone time but just hey, that's living the dream right? The weekend was the perfect mix of awesome camaraderie and blissful zen time.

Thank you to the Organizers for putting all of this together. I love the idea of the event - just a place where bloggers can get together and chat, have a chance to put a face to the writing. Most of my IRL friends don't blog so there is just something special about getting together with women who do.

Thank you Uri for allowing this to happen for me and ALSO for making dinner and changing Anna's poopy diaper once I was home. (He doesn't usually read this blog but just in case.)

It was so nice to recharge. I feel like I've been slogging through lately and it was just the thing I needed. I was so happy to see my family when I got home, being away helped me to appreciate the day to day that much more. Girls' Weekends are the BEST.

Blathering Here I Come

2011-10-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I noticed a few people have been posting 13 things to know before the Blathering, which I think is neat. I punted on the accent vlog so I think I should make an effort here on the 13 things. Okay. 13 things... and go!

I find it really difficult to think of witty and hilarious things to say on the blog that will make people want to meet me. Sometimes I have no idea why people even read my blog at all but I feel like my best blog asset is my honesty. My whole thing is trying to put it out there so other people can feel like someone is in this mess with them.
I got a scathingly horrible blog review this year. I am not linking to it here because f those guys, but if you search, you can probably find the link somewhere in the archives. At the end of the day, I'm not sure how it affected my blogging but it did really piss me off.
I loooove girls nights. I am still close with a big group of my college sorority friends and we try to meet up at least one a month (although sometimes it goes like 5 months) just to drink wine and eat tidbits. I am looking forward to a weekend long girls night at the Blathering. Bring it!!!!
I went to the Blathering last year. I really enjoyed the first night where we all hung out in the Blathering Living Room (also the condo I stayed in because I was lucky). I have extremely fond memories of the next afternoon, watching many episodes of LA Ink while drinking leftover wine and eating leftover cheese with this girl and I'm super bummed she's not coming this time. I'll admit the wine was pretty much all me and I may have cried at some of the more touching episodes. Was it the wine? Was it the extreme emotional release of having a weekend away from my young child? Was it the fantastic writing? We'll never know.
Like this Erica, I am loud and often things just fly out of my mouth. This tends to get worse in group situations and worse still when I have had a drink. Sorry about that. In high school we had a retreat (small Catholic school) where they put up a picture of each girl as a slideshow and said one word that described her. Lots of words like "kind", "creative", "understanding", etc. I got "frank". Well then.
My husband travels a lot so I'm often "lone wolf" as K likes to call it. (PS K, it hurts my soul that I don't get to meet you this weekend!)
Besides the lone wolf thing, I also work. It's not currently popular to say what I do until the whole OWS thing blows over but I'll tell you that I'm not diverting money from the people to fund my lavish lifestyle. I am a cog. My title is "Director of Investor Relations" but it's more like "Everybody's Bitch" (see it explained better here at iheartchocolatecake).
My sister came out (as in being gay) in the last couple of years. This is the first time I've mentioned here as it's her story but I feel like the process is far enough along that I can just go ahead and say it. I've learned that it's not just a one time statement, it takes time and you basically reinvent your whole life. She's also taught me a lot about the "heterosexual paradigm". She is so super awesome and sometimes blogs and I wish she would do it more.
It's been hard for me to keep up with all the "meet the attendees" and blogs of ALL the people going to the Blathering this year. This Erica has a spreadsheet about it - maybe I should just borrow that. However, my "meet people plan" is just to go with the flow. I am really excited to meet some of my bloggy friends in person and just shoot the shit with peops. And drink. Sorry, I really have to mention this because I am so Eddie and Patsy sometimes. Probably more Eddie. "Like a bird, on a wire. ... Like a drunk in a midnight choir. I have tried in my way to be free."
I am wearing this on Saturday night. Yes it is vintage 80's and not a perfect fit. But I don't know, I am just FEELING it. Notice it says right in the description: Great for parties, dinner dates or any fun evening event.
I love the Internet so hard.
I am really liberal in many ways but I don't discuss politics with people except my sister mainly because we agree on most things. It's small of me I know but I really dislike arguing.
I can't wait to meet all of you. LET'S DO THIS THING Y'ALL!

It's Always the One Time

2011-10-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, I put on makeup and try to look presentable when leaving the house. Partially because you never know who you are going to run in to, but more because I just feel better about myself when I do. Sunday was different. Anna had been up coughing much of the night and I was tired. She woke up at 6:00 cranky and we hung out for a bit in the house, in a funk, and then I decided we'd just get out and go to breakfast. Breakfast cheered us up a bit and then I swung by the pharmacy to get Anna's prescription.

As I was walking into the pharmacy with Anna on my hip, I run into my first boyfriend. With his new wife. They looked great, walking their dogs without a care in the world, the relaxed easy weekend morning that only people without small kids seem to have. When I say first boyfriend, I mean seriously old school growing up neighborhood. What is he doing at my strip mall after all these years? Arg. I am pretty flustered and the whole time I'm doing the awkward hellos I'm just thinking about how terrible I look. I know, vanity. But really, it was a bad scene. Under eye circles, hat, frumpy outfit. At least my brow was beautifully smooth and Anna looked cute. As I drove away in my mini-mini van, I thought wow - I am SUCH a MOM. Usually I am pleased about this role and enjoy it but ugh, when you run into old boyfriends you always want to look HOT. I was definitely NOT.

Damn it.

Breaking Free

2011-10-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

For a while, my anger was just too raw. I found myself seeing red in all sorts of situations that really didn't warrant much attention. I was drowning and I couldn't see a way out. That's when my OB recommended Prozac. So nice! So helpful. It was like a warm fuzzy cocoon wrapped around me and the sharp edges of life could no longer pierce into my skin. I bumped slowly along with glorious detachment. I needed it.

But then, I was considering a second child. I knew I had to ditch the drugs and I was having trouble doing it. My regular doctor prescribed going down from 20 to 10 mg before trying to quit. So I did it. Then I started going every other day and things were fine. At some point during the process I decided that another child wasn't in the cards right now. I thought about just staying on the drugs because they are cheap and they help. But the cocoon was starting to feel stifling. As much as I love being protected from the lows, my bubble was also dampening the highs. I missed that part of me - the slightly manic being who just FEELS so strongly. I missed my passion, my conviction. I started skipping the pills more often and then I stopped taking them altogether. I am not out of the woods yet, folks. It takes about 45 days for the drugs to completely leave my system. So we'll see.

I'm not going to feel like I failed if I have to go back on them - but I just want to try, I want to see. I lived 33 years without the help so I'm going to try flying solo again. It seems like my life has been getting easier incrementally and the Prozac was a bridge through a particularly difficult time. I hope.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not turning all natural and against every drug. I still love my daily Zyrtec as the life changing substance that it is, and I love me some retinoids and botox for my mug. And of course, my good old friend wine - the 25th letter of the alphabet. But I wouldn't mind getting some of my sex drive back (sorry but it's true) and just feeling more like the old me.

Here goes nothing.

Bedtime Battles

2011-10-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

Sleeping isn't easy for any new parents but I feel like we've had more than our share of challenges. When I was pregnant with Anna, I was very big into reading the Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting books so I planned to co-sleep. We did it for a while when she was a newborn because it made night time breast feeding easier. However, it was stressful to me because I was always afraid Anna would get strangled in the blankets or I'd roll onto her or the cats would come and smother her or something awful like that. So I didn't sleep that well. Then we had her crib in our room until she was about 2 months old. I just couldn't take it anymore after that because I would wake up at every tiny sound she made. Then it was the accursed monitor for what seems like forever. I hate that thing.

Since Anna was very small, she has fought bedtime with a passion. There were times when I would rock her in the rocking chair for 40 minutes while she screamed and tried to push herself out of my arms. Not exactly what you envision when you think about rocking peacefully with your baby. Once we outgrew the rocking chair routine, we had the book routine - which often took over 5 books to get her calmed down enough to get in bed. Then I would sit by the crib and rub her back forever, and still sometimes she would completely flip out when I left the room. There were stretches of months where she would only go to bed after violently crying herself to sleep for anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour. I know there are a lot of strong feelings about the "cry it out" method but man, I couldn't see a way around it. I had to eat some dinner and get to bed myself!

Once we had the toddler bed up and running, the routine got longer. I would often lie in bed with her and rub her back, getting her to sleep. Sometimes I thought she was asleep and would leave the room, only to have a baby running amok around the house shortly after. We would go through this in and out of the bedroom routine up to five times. Bedtime was a tough time for everyone and it left me completely exhausted and out of sorts. Two years of this and it just kind of gets to you.

Lately, we've been doing things completely differently. As she's gotten older, Anna's bedtime has slowly pushed back. We started at the terribly early hour of 6:00 am because she was just exhausted (from fighting naps!), then moved back to 7:00, then 8:00, then 8:30. Last night she didn't go to bed until 9:40 pm. I know it sounds crazy but she is fine staying up that late. No signs of super crankiness (except the usual battle over wearing pjs after her bath) and she happily plays games on her iPad while Uri and I read and get stuff done on ours. (Yes, everyone in our family has an iPad and I think it's great.) I no longer fight to get her to fall asleep in her own bed. We just have lights out all together and then everyone (including the two cats) hits the hay in the family bed. Our bed is kind of full but it's cozy and it works. For a while, Uri would carry Anna to her bed after she fell asleep. This just resulted in a crying girl running into our room around 2:00 am. So we just decided to leave her in our bed.

The upside is that I don't have to fight with her about going to sleep every single night. She is perfectly content to fall asleep when we do. (Luckily I go to sleep before 10:00.) Another good thing is that she tends to sleep in longer when we're all sleeping together. Sometimes even until 7:30 which is some kind of record. She does kick us sometimes or head bonk me but all in all it's comfortable and actually I really enjoy snuggling with her in the night and smelling her little head. Sometimes we sleep face to face with our arms wrapped around each other and it's so precious.

Uri turned to me last night and said, "is she going to sleep in our bed forever?" I just don't know. I am guessing that at some point she'll eventually want privacy and enjoy her own room. Until then, we're just winging it. And it's kind of working.

Oktoberfest

2011-10-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

My good friend and event planner extraordinaire had an Octoberfest party last weekend. It was amazing. Uri's dad came with us and they had a little photo area set up. Cute stuff:

Baby Clothes

2011-10-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

Baby Clothes. Definitely the item in my home that causes the most worry and gnashing of teeth. The thing is, I have a LOT of them waiting around. I saved all of Anna's stuff, and my friend gave me her baby girl stuff as well. I loaned it all to another friend who had a girl and just got a huge shipment of it back. The problem is, if I give it away - it's pushing me further towards the "one and done" thing. If I store them, they are a pain in my arse and also in the small chance that I did have another kid, there is another small chance that I would have a boy. So all this storing would have been in vain.

But until now, I've avoided the decision because most of the baby clothes were not at my house. Now that they are back, arg. It's time to decide. But just like that, an answer came to me. I got an email that my neighborhood is having a joint yard sale on Saturday. PERFECT. Baby clothes are popular at yard sales so I'll price my stuff to move. Also Uri just hit up his favorite annual sale to stock his wardrobe up and so I've got some really nice man duds to sell as well.

Any suggestions on how to price things? I have a ton of onesies, cute outfits, separates, sweaters, receiving blankets, hats, shoes, etc. Also, man duds? Designer jeans, long sleeve collar shirts? Thoughts?

Anna Sings the ABC's

2011-10-03T16:26:00.001-07:00

Everyone has been doing these cute accent vlogs. I don't think I have an accent so well, I thought that might be boring. Instead, a video of Anna singing the ABC's.

And yes, "wine" is the 25th letter.

Things are Going

2011-09-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

Lately, things have just been going. There are moments when I'm on top of the world and very content, then there are times that are very challenging. On the challenging side, my little one has decided that she would like to have adult sleep patterns. I'm not sure what is compelling her to stay up until 9:30 or 10:00; I always think that the late night will help her to sleep in until 7:00, but up she pops at 6:00 am. She also likes to come running into our bedroom at random times throughout the night. I am tinkering with the idea of locking her in her room but this is troublesome if she has a big "BM" - which is what we call poops thanks to her school. The other day she was a little sick and her BM was runny and got her PJs wet as well as her sheets. I wouldn't want her trapped in her room in a situation like that. So I'm not sure what the game plan is going to be. Ideas? Oh and also she doesn't want to go to sleep in her bed, only our bed. This is hard because we stay up reading. Any thoughts would be helpful.

As I mentioned, she's been a little sick which means her attitude has been a lot challenging. Lots of screaming and yelling about all the injustices I put her through like putting on shoes, leaving for school, not having candy in the car on the way to school, getting dropped off at school, driving home from school, eating dinner and not candy, turning the tv off, taking a bath, putting on pajamas... you name it. I can't tell you how many times a day I reaffirm to myself that I couldn't balance two children. I know I can't. Uri and I are supposed to open the conversation again in spring and I know what my stance is going to be. He's been working a lot more so most of the tantrums are directed just at me, and it's a lot to endure. I know she's just a little person and sorting things out and I am as calm as I can be but there are times when I snap and I yell back. But anyway, I guess it's what's to be expected from a toddler. Keep Calm and Carry On, as they say.

At the same time, Anna has been all sorts of adorable. She is always saying she loves me, that she is excited to see me, and she is just the cuddliest of cuddle bugs. We have so much fun hugging and smooching and "being cozy" on the couch. "Mama, I want to be cozy with you...." and melt, there goes my heart. She has also had a very active imagination and spent lots of time alone playing with her toys. She pretends they are on an airplane, or are cooking pasta, all sorts of things. She also enjoys playing with our set of wooden coasters. So boy, we are very full of ups and downs.

I've been keeping myself sane with a strange obsession with Etsy which has leaked into Ebay and the interwebs in general. Vintage china sets in particular. Oh lordy I wish I had never traipsed down this path.

We never registered for china for our wedding because we lived in a shoe box (literally 750 sq. ft.) and there was no way. Also I was more into the plain white plate entertaining thing. But now I have a credenza(!!) that is just begging to be filled with beautiful things.

The challenge is that I'm trying to find a larger set - more than 8 place settings. We have big family dinners and I'm shooting for 16 dinner plates. I did find this awesome website where you can complete your china sets. So, in true psycho purchase person fashion, I have an Excel spreadsheet which lists my top china set choices, prices by piece and cost to complete the set if I need more. It was actually really interesting because some sets that seemed cheaper were actually not a good deal! The cool thing is that vintage sets seem to cost less than brand new ones. I guess that's to be expected because pieces are missing and there can be chips but to me that makes them more interesting.

So yeah, things are going. Oh and one more thing. If you value your time and your eyeballs, do NOT EVER go to this website: http://internetkhole.blogspot.com/. (NSFW) Obviously I don't value my time because the k hole has sucked lots of it from my life. And with that, I say adieu.

Down The Rabbit Hole

2011-09-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

Recent lack of blogging caused largely by Etsy and Pinterest. Apologies.

My money: it's where my mouth is.

2011-09-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

This post has been a long time coming. I have waffled back and forth about finding balance in my life and I just wasn't sure about what to do. Uri's career has kicked into high gear lately and I've been left to pick up the pieces of our family life. He is a wonderful husband and father or course, but he's just not physically there enough to help out with many of our daily routines.

We've had so many discussions about what we should do. Uri and I both agree that his job is the most important to our family - he makes more than I do and he has the potential to go the furthest. He loves his job too, it's what he should be doing. Also, I'm much better at organization and keeping our family going on a day to day basis. But we've just been stuck because I feel like I can't keep all our balls in the air. I lash out at him almost every weekend because I feel trapped and that I'm managing all the responsibility on my own.

We already have a housekeeper so that's a help, but the day to do work of getting me and Anna dressed and out the door and then home and fed and to bed was starting to wear me down. I don't have any time for myself except once she's asleep and then I just collapse in bed to read a bit before crashing. We talked about me quitting my job and I'm just not ready to give up that part of myself. I enjoy the adult interaction, having my own money and independence, and showing Anna some of the choices that women are fortunate enough to have now.

I watched a Betty Friedan documentary and it reminded me of how much I loved this book when I was pregnant.

I thought about what would work FOR ME and how to find balance that I could be happy with. I went to my boss(es) and we started to talk about solutions. And that's how I negotiated myself a 20% decrease in pay. Score! Well, I also negotiated myself a 20% reduction in work. I will no longer be working on Fridays. To me, this is feminism. I refuse to stop pushing, to stop asking the questions, to stop trying to bend the world into a place that works for moms.

I know that I'm lucky in that I can accept a pay cut. It took a leap of faith though. Once you are used to your income, you look at each dollar as a necessity and letting go of that takes a shift. I'll have to cut back on some things (I'm looking at you, J.CREW) but I know it will be worth it. I also have to accept that my colleagues may view me differently once I start the new plan. I may lose my job altogether. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

I'm not sure if one day to myself per week will be the solution that I need. I will be taking Anna in to school on Fridays unless I want to do something special together as a treat. I'm looking forward to getting little things done as well as getting my exercise regimen up and running again. If I have one day I know that I can get moving, I'm hoping that a couple more days will be easier to accomplish.

It's a small step but it's one in the right direction. We'll see how it goes.

CATFLEXING

2011-09-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

People, I try to bring you the coolest and latest stuff here on this blog. And now thanks to my sister, we're kicking it old school / new school. Or shall I say skool. Because today I am bringing you a sensation straight out of 1997: Catflexing.

First things first, my sister is a librarian. People donate all sorts of awesome books to her library, like one about Competitive Arm Wrestling from the 70's - a blog post in itself. Yesterday she got the ultimate book:

Catflexing: The Catlover's Guide to Weight Training, Aerobics and Stretching

I can't believe this shizz is for real but it is. Here are some selected pages from the book:

Also some selected reviews from Amazon:

(Five Stars) The "Purr"-fect Gift for Lovers of Cats & Fitness!, January 21, 1998
Stephanie Jackson has crafted an endearing and informative "tale" that reflects her lifelong love of both cats and fun exercise. The tongue-in-cheek commentary will beguile even the mildest of cat fanciers--and she even includes several little-known pointers about cat nutrition. Even if your cats decide to remain inquisitive spectators, they'll enjoy watching **you** play with human toys (i.e., barbells) in their stead. Can't wait to see the video!

(Five Stars) Step aside Jane [Fonda]...and Garfield! This is a hit., October 15, 1997
The best book...um, the ah, only book in its league! Catflexing has got to be the most entertaining yet sincere and informative book I've picked up regarding cats or exercise. What a wacky combination...Jackson's really on to something here.

Okay, it's easy to make fun but once you start thinking about it, maybe she really is on to something! Uri and I decided to give it a try...

Mr. Russell is not such a good sport as the cat in the book - he never even made it behind my head so I could work my shoulders:

Miss Jocey was more into it:

But the ultimate in form and fashion goes to my sister with her cat Bonzai:

I know all you cat lovers out there are going to have a fantastic weekend getting fit AND having special time with your cats. Do it. And if you do, send pictures.

Life is Bootiful

2011-09-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I have officially made it through our annual investor meeting (which I run) with Uri out of town. It took some arranging but I'm on the other side of it. Earlier this week I was feeling a little down about things - not sure what direction I wanted to go in. It's been hard because Uri's career is really kicking into high gear and I'm left to pick up the pieces of home and family. Of course I LOVE taking care of our home and family, but I also work full time. I've really been going back and forth about what I should do. But I made it through the challenging part of the week and now I feel like I've got a handle on everything again. Yesterday I left early after the meeting and took Anna out for frozen yogurt. We had a fun girls outing and all seems right with the world. I am constantly weighing the pros and cons of being a working mom and right now, the pros are still winning. I'm going to continue to push for more flexibility from my employer and just take it easy.

Anna has been all sorts of cute lately. She will notice a flower while we're driving and pronounce it "bootiful". She also said I was bootiful which was uplifting. The two of us are extremely close right now. She's been having trouble with school drop offs again and I think part of it is that we're so velcro-ed together. Yesterday when we both got in the car to go home after school she said "I LOVE YOU MAMA!" and it was so cute. The unfortunate part about it all is that she's rejecting Uri a bit. I know that kids supposedly go back and forth which what parent they favor - but it's sad to see her tell Uri to leave her room or that she wants mama to hold her and not him. I suspect part of it is how much he's been traveling and working late - she's unsure as to when he'll be there for her. I don't know. I try hard to show her that I love him and am happy to see him - and when he's around I make sure they do stuff together even when she says no at first. She always ends up having fun. But anyway, that's been a bit of challenge.

Anna, my sister and I are going out to support Gay Day at the LA Fair this Sunday. I am looking forward to it. Uri and I went to the OC Fair when I was pregnant, but it's been a long time since I've hit up the LA County Fair. I can't wait for Anna to see all the animals.

Can of Gardening Whoop Ass

2011-09-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

Friends! I am back from vacation. I sure have missed everyone although there was a bit of time on vacation that I thought ... "work? why go back to work?" This vacation was the first one with Anna where Uri and I actually felt on top of things. No pumping, no formula, no bottles, much less crazy. We managed our shit (being able to carry all of your own luggage and child without help or Skycap). The plane went fine, the place was nice, we all had fun. But alas, I did return to work and I think it's a good plan in general so that I can support my growing JCrew problem... my precious.

So anyway. This post is about something I am very excited about - an emergence of an actual hobby: gardening. Did you hear that? I am developing a HOBBY. This is probably only mind blowing to other parents who know how difficult it can be to enjoy something of your own when you have a wee one. But thanks to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I was able to do some stuff around the yard on Tuesday. I wish I was half as good as a photographer as Uri but behold the fruits of my labor:

Walkway to front door

Artistic Close-up

Front Porch

Planter Arrangement

This may be the first time I've planted something in the ground itself and not a pot.

And then, my friends, I had my glory. I bought some hedging shears and straight went to town on some bushes:

I made those things my bitch. Let me tell you. If you've never hedged before, I highly recommend it. It was so glorious. I was sweating and talking out loud to the bushes; it was so much fun. My biceps are still sore! The bushes were definitely my greatest achievement but without a before picture it's not too exciting. Well, even with a before picture it probably wouldn't be that great - but that's okay. I am proud.

Princess Nebraska suggested planting some lettuce, so I hope to do that this weekend. Anna has her own watering can and she helped for a little bit but the lure of the mousekatools was too great for her. That's fine though - after the vacation of much togetherness, I think we both enjoyed a little time to chill.

I really hope I can keep this up. I love having something for myself. Before Anna was born I quilted for a minute, but there is so much involved in that, it's hard to do with a toddler. Not to mention all the pins. I know I go back and forth about whether I can fit in exercise or not and that's one great thing about gardening - it's exercise as well. Nothing like a spin class but still, better than sitting on my butt.

Enjoy the weekend!

One More Vacation Photo

2011-09-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

Still on vacation over here although we were back in the mainland on Friday. Back to work and to life on Wednesday. Until then, hope everyone is doing well.

Maui

2011-08-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

A few more pictures.

Living Aloha

2011-08-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

Well folks - we're gearing up for Summer Vacation 2011. We're packing bags and off to Maui Thursday morning. These days have been busy with finishing up as much work as possible and trying to get things in order for the trip.
We're soon off to enjoy the last burst of summer.
See you on the flip side!

Age Before Beauty

2011-08-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my coworkers and I had a lovely lunch with some young visitors from Munich. They were the cousins of my coworker and we ate at a food court near the office. (Fancy). The kids were 17 and 19 and on a 3 week vacation to California - they up and left Germany at the last minute because the weather was bad and they wanted to go somewhere it felt more like summer.

One of my coworkers said to me - when is the last time you took a 3 week vacation? And yeah, it was a looong time ago, back when I had graduated college. So many times though, it just seems like yesterday. Then the two of us sat and pondered how we were old. Oh my gosh so old! We have kids! We've been on the 9 to 5 train for over 10 years! What the hell happened? We were talking about it after the Germans had headed off for more touristy activities and decided that even though we aren't teenagers anymore, we have it pretty damn good and are quite a bit more fun to be around now that we've matured with age like a fine wine. We have WISDOM! and EXPERIENCE! and HUMILITY! (well, sometimes humility.)

I couldn't help but notice the one physical area where I am totally winning over the gorgeous 19 year old though - it was a bright day and boy, was she ever squinty in the sun. Not me. My forehead was smooth as a baby's bottom.

Let's face it ladies - I'm older and I have more botox. TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where I'm From

2011-08-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Hillary saw this post elsewhere and then borrowed it. I loved it. I wrote this a while back but then it just sat on my desk for a while. I was thinking I wanted to edit it but I just looked at it and I like it as it is. Here ya go.

Where I'm From

I am from tract houses, from Campbell's Soup and roller skates.

I am from the single story house with a cheery front porch, sun dappled foothills, laughter of children racing bikes in the street.

I am from a single plum tree, squarely trimmed bushes, old lemon groves.

I am from elaborate holiday dinners and grandparents arguing politics, from Rollie and Lola and John the gentle giant.

I am from strong willed women and broken hearts.

From eating freshly dug potatoes hot from the stove and the long journey by boat from England.

I am from ancient Catholic churches filled with incense. Baptism, rituals, long Latin services.

I'm from California, the land of the sun and promise, from people who left for a better life, from carrot cake and pizza night.

From 32 days in a lifeboat, a toddler running naked for the ice cream man, the Ocean Wavers square dance at the festival, silly string fights and soccer on Saturday.

I am from fabric covered albums stored high in the closet, boxes of old birthday cards that can’t be let go of, pieces of the past whispering quietly in the dark.

Because I listen to your advice, for reals.

2011-08-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

So yes, birthday weekend was all sorts of greatness. Anna was really pumped for everything and we enjoyed seeing family and Bean & Co. But also, it was a little nutty. We were non-stop and on Saturday she hardly even got a nap. I felt bad dropping her off at school on Monday after all of that. So I called in a personal day at work and just spent some special alone time with Anna. This was suggested to me by both Beth and Alex when I wrote about the problems I was having last month. I think this strategy is really helpful, especially with a spirited girl like Anna. The thing is, I am so project oriented and obsessed with getting things done, I often whir around in a blur and even when I'm home, can't be completely involved with her. So I've been focusing on being more present with her and Monday was a perfect day for that.

We mostly vegged and watched TV - our favorite activity I'm not going to lie. We've only ventured into three shows so far - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Andy Pandy (thanks to my mom) and our favorite, Binka. Sadly, there is only one episode of Binka on the "On Demand" menu and it's only 10 minutes long. It's so cute and funny though. I realize I could learn how to use the DVR and perhaps find and record more Binka episodes. I will eventually get to that I guess. I wish someone ELSE could just come over and do it though. Me no likey the DVR.

I got an update from Anna's school yesterday and apparently she is very busy telling everyone that she is two years old. I think this year she got the whole birthday thing more than last year. Her favorite present was the confetti that my mom put in her card and probably second to that the new gnome lunchbox that my mom got her. She was very excited to show it off at school. I guess lunchboxes are a pretty hot item there.

Besides that, things are getting a lot better. Not "hey I want to have another kid now" better, but I feel pretty darned happy. I know I am forever going on and on about this having another kid thing but it really occupies a lot of my brain space. Uri really wants another kid. He says it's "double the love". I unfortunately think of it as "double the pregnancy" and "double the sleepless nights for 15 months". We agreed that breastfeeding the second time is take it or leave it so at least that's a relief . I know, in the whole scheme of life it's not a long time but I really feel like I'm getting my groove back. I bought high heels yesterday for chrissakes and I don't collapse at the end of every day just glad that I made it. I feel like maybe someday soon I can try exercising again. Also, the more I ponder it, the more I feel like one kid is just my steez, ya know? Well, we'll see.

Pictures: All I've got for now

2011-08-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

And in the complete picture fail, no, I don't have any of her in her birthday outfit. We have video but again, having trouble figuring that whole thing out.

99 cent store savior

2011-08-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Anna's first pair of sandals came from Amazon.

I know, a bit late in the summer for sandals. But that's what makes them under $20. Also, we're going to Hawaii soon and I wanted her to have some sandals for the trip.

As soon as Anna saw them, she loved them. She threw off her other (favorite until now) shoes and put them on, admiring them. She was sad she had to take them off for her bath, and promptly put them back on once I had her in her pajamas. She wore them throughout story time and then insisted on wearing them to bed.

This morning Uri went and got Anna when she woke up. He was pretty surprised to find a little girl with pajamas and sandals on - she kept them on all night. Of course she wanted to wear her new shoes to school. Hopefully I'll be able to pry them off her for her birthday party on Sunday. I ordered some beige shoes for her fancy new birthday outfit:

I love this outfit! Anna isn't big on dresses and skirts so I thought I'd try something different. It's all from Janie & Jack - usually I don't buy stuff there unless it's on clearance but I didn't start birthday outfit shopping soon enough this year to get awesome deals. So yeah, this is from the Parisian Chic collection. Love that they have "collections". At least it was 25% off. The shoes in the "collection" were a bit cuter but I'm not going to pay $40 for shoes that aren't cut out for serious play. So half that at Amazon and we're done.

In other birthday party news - I've hardly done any planning for it. I find this works out best for me. We're pretty much just having family and it's going to be low key. We've started doing paper plates for some parties and boy, it's much more awesome than washing all those dishes. We'll stick with the real dishes for Christmas but bring on the paper for other stuff!

I hit up the 99 cent store this morning and got really cute paper party goods for super cheap. I hadn't been to a 99 cent store in years (because I try not to buy a bunch of useless crap) but man, for party goods it is THE PLACE TO GO. I also bought some useless crap (of course) - small ceramic mushrooms for the outside, a plastic pony with a hair brush for Anna, a little (faux?) wooden ABC puzzle, some Dora forks and spoons, 2 cute plastic baskets for bath toys, and a bottle of banana scented kid shampoo. See why I don't go to the 99 cent store? At least I didn't hit up all the aisles because I didn't want to be late for work on account of junk acquisition. I was seriously tempted to buy my sister some plates with Jesus on them. Yes, as in "the lord" and as in on a 99 cent melamine plate. There were several different poses to choose from. Do people really eat on Jesus plates? What exactly do you eat on your Jesus plate? Wouldn't it be strange to put a hot dog and some chips on Jesus? But then again, is filet mignon or lobster tail really Jesus's thing? Maybe loaves and fish. Maybe that's all you can put on a Jesus plate. Obviously if you had a Jesus cup you would drink wine but I didn't see cups. Just big glass candles.

In further birthday updates, I have discovered the perfect gluten free & soy free party dessert - RICE KRISPY TREATS!! Can I get a duh? I bought a very small box of them in the irritatingly expensive gluten free section of the store last weekend and then realized I could make my own for cheap. This may seem obvious but I haven't cooked anything but bean & cheese burritos and frozen meals for a long time. So today I got marshmallows and rice cereal and tomorrow I am going to hit it UP! Yeah! This is my kind of baking! (I realize the third and final ingredient is butter but we already have some at home.)

Well, I am very excited for all the birthday festivities! My little girl is going to be TWO!!!

Bucket Full of Thoughts

2011-08-10T11:46:00.000-07:00

When I jumped off, I had a bucket full of thoughts
When I first jumped off, I held that bucket in my hand
Ideas that would take me all around the world
I stood and watched the smoke behind the mountain curl
It took me a long time to get back on the train

-Phish, "Back on the Train"

I have been to a lot of Phish shows. (For anyone even remotely interested, I'll put some stats after the jump.) My crowning Phish achievement is following them for the entire 1999 summer tour - pure awesome. Now of course, I'm older and a mom and I have a lot more things to do than sell candles and dance for hours on end. But every once in a while, I take myself back.

Monday night, my sister and I went to Phish at the Hollywood Bowl. We had such a great time, it was soothing to my body and soul. I could not believe the incredible jamming those guys laid down. I haven't exercised too much lately but I couldn't stop dancing. I am a bit sore but it was worth it. Dancing like a madwoman at a concert is so freeing to me. Most Phish songs are vague enough that you can assign your own meaning to them or just use them as starting points to think things out while you are working your body.

Last night I thought a lot about a few things:

Don't be bitchy. Try to be nice and forgiving in life.
Whoa, I'm a mom. I popped a person out of my brewster. (Hat tip to Jive Turkey on brewster.)
Dang, it's been a long time since I started listening to these fools.
I am really proud of my husband.

Those were some of my main thoughts. I know it sounds cliched but being outside with a sold out crowd of strangers who are all dancing and having a good time just frees your mind. Even though I was REALLY TIRED at 6 am the next day when someone pitter pattered into my room, it was 100% worth it.

I'm sure you haven't read this far in the post without wondering about the elephant in the room - marijuana. Phish followers - a bunch of dirty hippies right? Well, you don't have to smoke pot to listen to Phish but you have to be okay with stoners and a lot of people smoking pot in your immediate vicinity. Do I do it? Hmm, I'll plead the fifth on that one.

Anyway, the show was amazing. They played so many of my favorite songs and a couple of new ones I hadn't heard. Since I have been busy being a mom, it appears Phish has released a couple albums. Although, I really don't listen to them anymore - I don't have the patience for 10 minute jams on a daily basis. I'm so glad I went and I'm so glad my sister rallied like a rock star to make it there despite travel difficulties. Awesome times.

My Phish Stats:

Shows seen (33) (I hope I got them all):

1996-12-01 (Pauley Pavilion, University of California Los Angeles, Los Angeles, CA)
1997-07-31 (Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA)
1998-10-29 (Greek Theatre, Los Angeles, CA)
1998-10-30 (Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, NV)
1998-10-31 (Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, NV)
1999-06-30 (Sandstone Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS)
1999-07-01 (First American Music Center, Antioch, TN)
1999-07-03 (Lakewood Amphitheatre, Atlanta, GA)
1999-07-04 (Lakewood Amphitheatre, Atlanta, GA)
1999-07-07 (Blockbuster Pavilion, Charlotte, NC)
1999-07-08 (Virginia Beach Amphitheater, Virginia Beach, VA)
1999-07-09 (Merriweather Post Pavillion, Columbia, MD)
1999-07-10 (E Centre, Camden, NJ)
1999-07-12 (Tweeter Center, Mansfield, MA)
1999-07-13 (Tweeter Center, Mansfield, MA)
1999-07-15 (PNC Bank Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ)
1999-07-16 (PNC Bank Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ)
1999-07-17 (Oswego County Airport, Volney, NY)
1999-07-18 (Oswego County Airport, Volney, NY)
1999-07-20 (Molson Amphitheatre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada)
1999-07-21 (Star Lake Amphitheatre, Burgettstown, PA)
1999-07-23 (Polaris Amphitheater, Columbus, OH)
1999-07-24 (Alpine Valley Music Theatre, East Troy, WI)
1999-07-25 (Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN)
1999-07-26 (Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, IN)
1999-09-18 (Coors Amphitheatre, Chula Vista, CA)
1999-09-19 (Irvine Meadows, Irvine, CA)
1999-12-29 (Big Cypress Seminole Indian Reservation, Big Cypress, FL)
1999-12-30 (Big Cypress Seminole Indian Reservation, Big Cypress, FL)
1999-12-31 (Big Cypress Seminole Indian Reservation, Big Cypress, FL)
2000-10-07 (Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA)
2003-02-14 (Great Western Forum, Inglewood, CA)
2009-10-31 (Empire Polo Club, Indio, CA)
2011-08-08 (Hollywood Bowl, Hollywood, CA)

(Got the following cool stats here)

The 50% club

34 songs are in the club.
You saw 31 songs every time they were played
The highest frequency Phish has played a song that is in your club is 5 (My Left Toe)
The highest frequency Phish has played a song that you've seen every time it was played is 1 (31 songs tied)

Songs heard:

221 songs have been played (27% of songs Phish have played).
The average number of songs per show is 20.2.
The average amount of times each song was played is 3.01.
There were 93 onetimers
680 total songs have been played in the selected shows.

There were 29 two set shows (87%)
There were 4 three set shows (12%)

1 songs were in a three show rotation.
9 songs were in a four show rotation.
31 songs were in a five show rotation.

Total Times Played
Back on the Train - 11 (33%)
Character Zero - 10 (30%)
Meatstick - 10 (30%)
You Enjoy Myself - 10 (30%)
Chalk Dust Torture - 9 (27%)
Down with Disease - 9 (27%)
Guyute - 9 (27%)
Mike's Song - 9 (27%)
Weekapaug Groove - 9 (27%)
Bathtub Gin - 8 (24%)
Birds of a Feather - 8 (24%)
Cavern - 8 (24%)
Farmhouse - 8 (24%)
Ghost - 8 (24%)
Limb By Limb - 8 (24%)
Piper - 8 (24%)
Possum - 8 (24%)
Tweezer - 8 (24%)
Tweezer Reprise - 8 (24%)
Twist - 8 (24%)
Wilson - 8 (24%)
Axilla - 7 (21%)
Funky Bitch - 7 (21%)
Golgi Apparatus - 7 (21%)
Prince Caspian - 7 (21%)
Punch You In the Eye - 7 (21%)
Run Like an Antelope - 7 (21%)
Simple - 7 (21%)
The Moma Dance - 7 (21%)
Tube - 7 (21%)
Wolfman's Brother - 7 (21%)
David Bowie - 6 (18%)
Free - 6 (18%)
Jam - 6 (18%)
Loving Cup - 6 (18%)
NICU - 6 (18%)
Roggae - 6 (18%)
When the Circus Comes - 6 (18%)
Also Sprach Zarathustra - 5 (15%)
Bouncing Around the Room - 5 (15%)
Harry Hood - 5 (15%)
Lawn Boy - 5 (15%)
Maze - 5 (15%)
Reba - 5 (15%)
Runaway Jim - 5 (15%)
Sample in a Jar - 5 (15%)
Split Open and Melt - 5 (15%)
Stash - 5 (15%)
Taste - 5 (15%)
Water in the Sky - 5 (15%)
What's the Use? - 5 (15%)
Beauty of My Dreams - 4 (12%)
Boogie On Reggae Woman - 4 (12%)
Bug - 4 (12%)
Carini - 4 (12%)
Fluffhead - 4 (12%)
Hold Your Head Up - 4 (12%)
I Am Hydrogen - 4 (12%)
Julius - 4 (12%)
Llama - 4 (12%)
Mountains in the Mist - 4 (12%)
My Left Toe - 4 (12%)
My Soul - 4 (12%)
Poor Heart - 4 (12%)
The Squirming Coil - 4 (12%)
Vultures - 4 (12%)
Wading in the Velvet Sea - 4 (12%)
Ya Mar - 4 (12%)
AC/DC Bag - 3 (9%)
Back at the Chicken Shack - 3 (9%)
Billy Breathes - 3 (9%)
Brian and Robert - 3 (9%)
Catapult - 3 (9%)
Driver - 3 (9%)
Fee - 3 (9%)
Glide - 3 (9%)
Heavy Things - 3 (9%)
Horn - 3 (9%)
I Didn't Know - 3 (9%)
Meat - 3 (9%)
Rock and Roll - 3 (9%)
Roses Are Free - 3 (9%)
Saw It Again - 3 (9%)
Silent in the Morning - 3 (9%)
Slave to the Traffic Light - 3 (9%)
Sleep - 3 (9%)
Sneakin' Sally through the Alley - 3 (9%)
Sparkle - 3 (9%)
Suzy Greenberg - 3 (9%)
The Curtain - 3 (9%)
The Divided Sky - 3 (9%)
The Horse - 3 (9%)
The Sloth - 3 (9%)
Train Song - 3 (9%)
Waste - 3 (9%)
Albuquerque - 2 (6%)
Backwards Down the Number Line - 2 (6%)
Bittersweet Motel - 2 (6%)
Cars Trucks Buses - 2 (6%)
Cities - 2 (6%)
Contact - 2 (6%)
Crosseyed and Painless - 2 (6%)
Dirt - 2 (6%)
Dogs Stole Things - 2 (6%)
Fast Enough for You - 2 (6%)
First Tube - 2 (6%)
Frankenstein - 2 (6%)
Frankie Says - 2 (6%)
Gotta Jibboo - 2 (6%)
Guelah Papyrus - 2 (6%)
Gumbo - 2 (6%)
Hello My Baby - 2 (6%)
Kill Devil Falls - 2 (6%)
Makisupa Policeman - 2 (6%)
McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters - 2 (6%)
My Sweet One - 2 (6%)
Peaches en Regalia - 2 (6%)
Quinn the Eskimo - 2 (6%)
Rocky Top - 2 (6%)
Sand - 2 (6%)
Sleeping Monkey - 2 (6%)
Steep - 2 (6%)
Swept Away - 2 (6%)
The Lizards - 2 (6%)
The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony - 2 (6%)
The Wedge - 2 (6%)
Theme From the Bottom - 2 (6%)
Walk Away - 2 (6%)
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - 1 (3%)
A Day in the Life - 1 (3%)
After Midnight - 1 (3%)
All Down the Line - 1 (3%)
All of These Dreams - 1 (3%)
Alumni Blues - 1 (3%)
Auld Lang Syne - 1 (3%)
Avenu Malkenu - 1 (3%)
Big Alligator - 1 (3%)
Bill Bailey, Won't You Please Come Home? - 1 (3%)
Bold As Love - 1 (3%)
Born to Run - 1 (3%)
Camel Walk - 1 (3%)
Casino Boogie - 1 (3%)
Che Hun Ta Mo - 1 (3%)
Cinnamon Girl - 1 (3%)
Cool It Down - 1 (3%)
Corinna - 1 (3%)
Cover of the Rolling Stone - 1 (3%)
Doin' My Time - 1 (3%)
Drowned - 1 (3%)
Fire - 1 (3%)
Foreplay/Long Time - 1 (3%)
Free Bird - 1 (3%)
Ginseng Sullivan - 1 (3%)
Gold Soundz - 1 (3%)
Good Times Bad Times - 1 (3%)
Halley's Comet - 1 (3%)
Happy - 1 (3%)
Happy Birthday to You - 1 (3%)
Have Mercy - 1 (3%)
Head Held High - 1 (3%)
Highway to Hell - 1 (3%)
I Found a Reason - 1 (3%)
I Just Want To See His Face - 1 (3%)
I'm Blue, I'm Lonesome - 1 (3%)
Icculus - 1 (3%)
If You Need a Fool - 1 (3%)
Jesus Just Left Chicago - 1 (3%)
Johnny B. Goode - 1 (3%)
Joy - 1 (3%)
Kung - 1 (3%)
Let It Loose - 1 (3%)
Light Up Or Leave Me Alone - 1 (3%)
Lonesome Cowboy Bill - 1 (3%)
Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress - 1 (3%)
Love You - 1 (3%)
Manteca - 1 (3%)
Misty Mountain Hop - 1 (3%)
My Friend, My Friend - 1 (3%)
My Mind's Got a Mind of its Own - 1 (3%)
NO2 - 1 (3%)
Nellie Kane - 1 (3%)
New Age - 1 (3%)
Oh! Sweet Nuthin' - 1 (3%)
On My Knees - 1 (3%)
Purple Rain - 1 (3%)
Quadrophonic Toppling - 1 (3%)
Rift - 1 (3%)
Rip This Joint - 1 (3%)
Rocks Off - 1 (3%)
Scent of a Mule - 1 (3%)
Shake Your Hips - 1 (3%)
Shine a Light - 1 (3%)
Smoke on the Water Jam - 1 (3%)
Something - 1 (3%)
Soul Survivor - 1 (3%)
Stealing Time From the Faulty Plan - 1 (3%)
Stop Breaking Down - 1 (3%)
Strange Design - 1 (3%)
Sweet Black Angel - 1 (3%)
Sweet Jane - 1 (3%)
Sweet Virginia - 1 (3%)
Terrapin - 1 (3%)
The Happy Whip and Dung Song - 1 (3%)
The Inlaw Josie Wales - 1 (3%)
The Little Drummer Boy - 1 (3%)
The Man Who Stepped Into Yesterday - 1 (3%)
The Mango Song - 1 (3%)
The Star Spangled Banner - 1 (3%)
Timber (Jerry) - 1 (3%)
Torn and Frayed - 1 (3%)
Train Round the Bend - 1 (3%)
Tuesday's Gone - 1 (3%)
Tumbling Dice - 1 (3%)
Turd on the Run - 1 (3%)
Uncle Pen - 1 (3%)
Ventilator Blues - 1 (3%)
Walls of the Cave - 1 (3%)
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - 1 (3%)
Whipping Post - 1 (3%)
Who Loves the Sun? - 1 (3%)
Woodstock - 1 (3%)

I want mah playhouse!

2011-08-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to a birthday party at a friend's house and her kids has this awesome playhouse. It was super large and Anna enjoyed playing in it - just like she enjoys the "dramatic play" area at school. Yes, they call it dramatic play and so does Anna. Even this morning she was telling me that she wanted me to go with her to "dramatic play". Oh goodness.

I mentioned to Uri that it might be fun to get a playhouse like this for Anna and he was totally against it. I believe he called it a huge hunk of plastic. Sad times. I try to choose my battles so I was going to let it go. Plus, I had no idea how expensive it was. Seriously what is a plastic playhouse doing costing upwards of $500?

But then on Sunday I went to brunch with an old friend I haven't seen in a while. When I got to her house she had this parked right out front:

And guess what? Her husband is really sick of that "hunk of plastic" in the front of the house. It's been there for a year. Her kids are 7 and they never got around to disassembling it to bring it into the backyard after they moved. She wants to get rid of it but only to someone who she knows will use it. Hmm, do I know anyone like that? Perchance the lady smiling excitedly from inside the playhouse? (Look closer at the picture.)

Uri still doesn't want it at our place and okay I realize it might be a little large for us. But aha! My mom has a big backyard and a husband with an F150 - a perfect match. I emailed my mom and asked if they would pick it up this weekend so we'll see. The thing is almost 200 pounds so it's quite an undertaking but man, that would be a good free score. Might be karma for all the freecylcing I do. So we'll see.

Grocery shopping for three by two

2011-08-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

Yes it's a confusing title because it's a confusing subject. Most of you probably have a designated grocery shopper in the family. Those of you who don't have kids may even go grocery shopping together (aw!) because it's fun and it's part of the joy of the weekend. Bwa ha ha ha, weekend.

Well anyway, grocery shopping is on my mind because I went there today during my lunch hour. Our housekeeper (bless her soul) came yesterday and she needs more laundry detergent and swiffer dusters (she uses so many swiffer dusters, I really don't get it). I like getting errands like that done as soon as I can so I don't have to remember every day to pick them up. I am very into doing things right away.

So I am at the grocery store and decide I should pick up some other stuff as well. The thing is, even though I picked up a lot of stuff, Uri will still need to go grocery shopping this weekend. We both grocery shop (usually separately) each week. For some reason, each of us are incapable of buying some things.

Here is my usual haul:

Freakish amounts of greek yogurt
Milk
String cheese
Other kinds of cheese as it strikes me
Cottage cheese (I love dairy, obvs)
Eggs
Fruit (including raisins, always raisins)
Ground turkey
Canned beans - yum
Mini carrots
Tons of cleaning supplies (laundry soap, dishwasher pellets, dish soap, bath soap)
Wine
Diet soda (this is a new thing and really jazzes it up)
Frozen stuff (Amy's meals, chicken nuggets, veggies)
Cat litter, food and treats
Tortilla chips
Toilet paper (lots! I love having lots!), tissues, paper towels
Sunscreen
Chocolate
Wine
Assorted gluten free snacks for Anna (pirate booty, glutinos, popcorn, monkey cookies)

Looking at the list I realize I wrote "wine" twice but that's pretty accurate actually. These are the same things I get at the store every time I go. I usually frequent a regular grocery store or sometimes Whole Foods but WF falls short in the cleaning department, has NO diet coke and also their paper products are ass. I think their tissues are made of recycled cement or something. Horrible.

Uri, on the other hand, shops almost exclusively at Whole Foods or other high end markets. His shopping includes:

Vegetables (sometimes really weird vegetables that go bad in the fridge and I throw them away)
Expensive red meat like filet mignon (he is the only one that eats this)
Sausages
Wine
Fancy cheeses (also sometimes go bad in the fridge)
Fish
Shellfish
Chocolate
Fresh herbs
Tortilla chips
Salsa (yeah, I never remember this)
Artisan bread (uh huh, ARTISAN)
Assorted gourmet items - like last week he picked up quince paste. I know.
Gluten free snacks for Anna

He also likes to hit up specialty markets like the fish store or the Japanese store. I don't have to tell you who has more expensive shopping bills.

So we end up with lots of wine, chocolate and tortilla chips. The essentials I guess. Uri does all the cooking so pretty much everything he buys needs to be prepared. My food? Instant gratification or microwave. Also my shopping covers a lot of the basics. Uri is pretty much incapable of buying toilet paper and cleaning supplies and I can't buy filet mignon and gourmet items. So there you have it. Very inefficient grocery shopping brought to you by our family.

Enjoy your weekend! We are going to be at the Hollywood Bowl on Monday night for PHISH y'all. Woo! Thank you, Mr. Minor.

Pitter Patter

2011-08-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't used an alarm clock since Anna was born - she's pretty much a natural alarm for me. Everyone knows what an infant is like and Anna didn't sleep through the night until past 15 months. Although Uri and I have always been early risers, it was tough during the months she would wake as early as 5:00 or 4:30 am ready for the day after being up once or twice during the night. Luckily, that time is over.

I converted Anna's crib into a big girl bed months ago. I just felt she was ready. She mostly stays in bed once she goes down for the night and it's just recently that she's discovered that she can open her bedroom door. While I used to go in and get her at 7:00 am - I've now been woken up each morning around 6:30 am by the sound of two little feet running into my room. It's so cute actually. I hear running and then suddenly there is a little face peering at me by the side of the bed. I lift her into bed for a few snuggles and then we go to her room so she can get a fresh diaper and get dressed.

Uri is gone in New York this week but actually it's been pretty manageable. I do most things the night before and while Anna eats breakfast in front of Mickey Mouse, I get dressed. Then we're off to school and the drop offs have gotten a lot better. I think Anna is getting used to the new room and it's great.

I can't believe it but Anna is going to be TWO in a couple of weeks. Wow. We're having a small family get-together because it's just not in me to throw a kid birthday party yet. I know I'll probably have to put something together as she gets older but for now I'm just going to enjoy the milestone.

Botox = Xanax... for YOUR FACE!

2011-08-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hey! What's this:

That's me - trying as hard as I can to do this:

Notice anything missing? (Well, besides the nice camera in the bottom picture and the shit cell phone camera in the top.) Yeah. No lines. Score! Seriously, this stuff is fabulous. I physically cannot furrow my brow. It's really nice when I'm outside in the bright sun because I don't even squint. It's cool. I actually FEEL better, which is strange. My dermatologist did say there was a study where people who couldn't frown reported feeling happier - I can see that.

So I am guessing that some of you want the details and some not so much. So I'm putting them after the jump.

Here are the details of my "liquid facelift".

First, I went to a really reputable doctor. She was recommended to me by Anna's pediatrician when Anna was having all that rash trouble. I saw her office and liked the staff and thought this would be a good place to start my foray into "minimally invasive skin rejuvenation". Yeah, I got that from her website.

The whole shebang was kind of pricey, I'll admit. But I was already in there for the appointment and I wanted to try everything out. The Botox was $200 which is probably twice what you can get it for at other places. I will say I had zero bruising though. I also had some filler (Restalyn) injected under my eyes to help with the dark circles. The filler was quite a bit more - $400. While I was there I thought why not go balls out so I also had some spots lasered off. It was $200 for the laser treatment and she did 4 spots for that price. I also bought some antioxidant serum and a cream with retinol and some other acid stuff in it. I can't start the cream until a week after the laser treatment but I can't wait because that's going to smooth out my skin in general.

Botox is supposed to last for 3-4 months but some people can stretch it longer. The filler lasts about 7 months or so. The laser is permanent. I'm not 100% sure I'll keep going with the filler but I LOVE the Botox and I will definitely continue with that. Look better and feel better for $200 a few times a year? Yes please.

How about the pain? It's really minimal - especially the botox. I would liken it to plucking your eyebrows. An assistant put numbing cream on me before the treatment and it helped a lot. The filler hurt more than the Botox but probably because I had more injections of that and it was close to the bone under my eyes.

What about pregnancy? Well, the worst stuff is the retinoid cream. You should have a 6 month period with that where you aren't going to think of getting pregnant. So luckily we decided to worry about that later. Botox is just bad for about 8 hours although many women who didn't know they were pregnant have had Botox and it was okay. But why chance it? The filler is fine because I think it's just some sugar water or something like that. I can't remember - but it's inert. Laser - also fine. Of course, I'm not a doctor so double check this information with yours should you chose to do any of this.

I can see how Botox is a gateway drug though. I was in the office looking at the lipo and I was like hmmm, if the Botox is so easy... OK, OK, I know that is a whole 'nother ball of wax. For now I'll just stick with the face.

But for the grace of God go I

2011-08-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

Really thinking about life this weekend. Got a call to help a good friend - picked her up at a hotel after she'd spent most of the weekend in jail... DUI stop. Had to take her to get her car at the impound lot and now the shit storm is just beginning. I have been through this process with another close person in my life before and it's really ugly. The thing is, my friend didn't do much different than I've done on some nights - some wine with dinner, a cocktail, then chilling with water to watch a movie and burn it off. She was so sure that she was fine that she didn't even consider trying to avoid the traffic stop. She blew a .083. Doesn't matter though - it's a DUI. I learned that you can even get a "wet reckless" when you are below .08. Harsh stuff.

When a DUI happened several years ago to another close friend, I really reevaluated things. I will say that I've definitely driven when I shouldn't have. In my 20's I was pretty reckless - I just didn't think anything bad would happen to me. I'm extremely fortunate that nothing did happen to me or anyone else. Getting pregnant changed things - I learned that I could actually have a social life without drinking (amazing) although I'm back in the drinking boat now. With Anna - I definitely take less chances. We try to take the bus or walk when we have drinks. But every time this happens to a friend I just take a step back and think of all the times I've been incredibly stupid even recently.

I went out for drinks just this Tuesday night - happy hour with girlfriends - and I had more wine than I should have before driving. It's really hard for me to just have one glass and then stop - especially when I'm enjoying myself with friends. Could have been me spending the night in jail. I used to always host girls nights at my place and now I remember why. I don't know why it's so hard for me to call it quits with the sauce. Sometimes I wonder if I should go to AA or something like that - but that seems harsh. I enjoy augmenting my life and times with wine and beer and the occasional cocktail. It's really fun. I like trying signature drinks at restaurants, pairing food and wine, wine flights, whatever. And lord knows I love a glass of wine or two (okay, two) at the end of each day.

Well, this has again strengthened my resolve. Not only for the safety of myself and others but for the example I set for Anna. Drinking and driving is not okay and I am not going to do it. It's too easy to walk, to take a cab, ride the bus, whatever. Just not worth it.

Pictures for Lola

2011-08-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

Back on Track

2011-07-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU to everyone who posted suggestions and kind words about my troubles this week and also to those of you who reached out via email with suggestions and even just commiseration. I am doing a lot better today.

Tuesday night, Uri watched Anna while I went to happy hour with my sorority friends. It was a great break. Uri had fun with Anna too - I think everyone benefited from a change in routine. Yesterday I stayed home and worked on little projects around the house - did a little work from home for the office too. Again, the change of pace was helpful.

Thanks to all the reminders, I've been giving Anna more warning about when we're going to transition to a new activity and that has been helping. I had another great recommendation from my friend Alex to spend a few special mommy only hours with Anna and I'm going to do that this weekend. I know we already spend a lot of time together but she suggested a special, different activity where we are just together and I focus on her. With all the hubbub lately, we haven't had as much QUALITY time so that's what we're going to do.

It really means a lot to me that you guys have chimed in with your own stories and I'm so glad to know my child isn't the only one who bites and hits. Thanks to Katherine I ordered a book about hitting to compliment the book about biting I already have. Also, Anna has calmed down a bit on her own just as Jessica said she would.

Drop-offs are still a huge mess. Today was epic as Anna decided to throw her snack and snack bowl on the floor - again in front of other kids and another parent. However, as April said, we're all that parent sometimes.

It's times like these when I know that this blog is worth it. I feel so lucky to be a part of this beautiful community of people who reach out and help one another. Much love and thanks to you all.

Question for you guys

2011-07-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

Friends, I have some questions for you today. Let's start at the beginning.

Uri was gone for work on an overnight last night and this morning I sat in bed wondering if I should take a personal day. I just feel so tapped. But then I thought well, no matter what I will have to get dressed to take Anna to school and honestly that's the hardest part of my day. Once I'm already there, going to work is a breeze; in fact, it's a treat. Since when has taking care of my child become the worst part of my day?

I want to run through the last 24 hours or so and ask if this is just par for the course or if maybe I'm doing something VERY wrong and need help. I'm not sure what help, but just some help. I just feel like we have a lot of tantrums per hour and I'm not sure if it's way off base. I will say that Mondays are usually a hard day, but then again I could just be making excuses. Here is a vague timeline:

7:00 am - Go get Anna. She is so happy to see us. Change her into clothes and get the day started.

7:15 - 7:30 - Breakfast with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (Yes I've degraded into letting her eat in front of the TV - it is seriously awesome, don't judge.) Some whining involved with breakfast, possibly some food thrown.

7:30 - 7:45 - Getting ready to get out the door. Complaining about wearing sunscreen. Stating that we are NOT going to school, she doesn't want to go to the Magnolia room, doesn't want to go in the car, etc.

7:45 - 8:00 - Ride to school. Some whining but generally okay.

8:00 - 8:15 - School drop-off. AWFUL. Many instances of jello legs, banging head on the floor, crying profusely.

8:15 - 4:45 - I work, she's in school. Yesterday she bit another kid and who knows what else.

5:00 - School pick up. She's always really happy to see me but then doesn't want to go home. Wants to play in the courtyard of the school. When it's time to go home, jello legs, head banging, crying. I never see any other kids making a scene like this.

5:15 - 5:30 - We somehow get into the car and drive home. Yesterday she cried loudly almost the entire way home. Didn't even want a baby mum mum cookie until we were almost home. It is very frustrating to drive a quarter of an hour with a shrieking, crying child. I am starting to lose it. I've tried reasoning with her, ignoring it, turning the radio up really loud, singing, telling her it's enough - nothing seems to stop it. The snacks worked a little at first but now the novelty is up.

5:45 - 6:30 - Dinner and I'm not going to lie, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Seriously it's the only thing getting me through the day. Bless you, Mickey Mouse and friends.

6:30 - 7:15 - We play, read books, general good times.

7:15 - 7:40 - Bath time. She doesn't want to get in the bath, jello legs, head banging, crying, running away. Once I get her in the bath she cries loudly for probably 5 minutes then eventually has fun.

7:45 - 8:15 - Bed time routine. Of course, she doesn't want to put on pajamas and you guessed it - jello legs, head banging, crying and running away. Last night had the added bonus of her smacking me in the face while I try to rub her back to help her go to sleep. This face smacking thing is relatively new and painful and surprising. I'm not even sure what to do about it.

8:15 - I leave her room while she cries mournfully that she wants mommy and then finally drops off to sleep.

8:15 pm - 7:00 am - Peace, wine, last night I watched bad TV and it was therapeutic.

Then today she wakes up at 7:00, opens her own door and runs in to my room where I'm getting dressed. It was really cute, she's always so happy to see me. We had breakfast with not too much incident and not a terrible ride to school but the drop-off was even worse than yesterday. She hit me in the face twice in front of teachers, parents and kids. I don't know what to do! She is the only kid I see at drop-off who melts to the floor and cries hysterically when I leave. It's embarrassing and upsetting.

I feel like I've done something wrong here. I feel like we're outliers and I can't control my child. I feel like the other parents are thinking that I'm some hippie letting my kid run wild. I've tried the harsher discipline though and it tends to backfire with Anna. I can't tell if this is a phase or what. Uri says she knows how to push my buttons and she really does. She's so sweet with most other people, I just get this terrible attitude and the face hitting has been difficult. I almost cried when I got in my car - it sounds silly but I feel a bit abused. Does it matter that my abuser is a half-pint? How did she get so violent? I have never hit her and Uri and I don't yell at each other and hit. Where does she pick this up? Even this morning when another little boy showed up she said she wanted to hit him. Why?

I used to be so excited to go get her at the end of the day but now when the late afternoon rolls around I have this pit in my stomach. I am embarrassed to even say this. I'm just so tired of the crying and whining and yelling - and now the hitting. I am a relatively happy, peaceful person and this is just so hard for me. Her poops are back to normal so I don't think that her stomach is hurting. Maybe her two year old molars are coming in? I don't know, I'm always grasping for excuses.

Does anyone else have this much trouble just getting through the day? I'm sorry to complain so much. Maybe it's just the transition but I don't know.

Moving Target

2011-07-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

Uri and I had some tough talks this weekend. With Anna's second birthday fast approaching, I haven't felt like the timing is right to start trying for another baby. Uri wants another for sure and well, I go back and forth. My biggest reason for wanting another is how much I love my sister and I want that kind of relationship for Anna's life. But there is no guarantee that siblings will be besties or even friends at all.

The reason we've decided to wait at this time is because I feel like my resources are completely tapped in taking care of Anna. Uri helps as much as he can but he admits that I shoulder much of the load - just with our schedules as they are. He had some suggestions - like getting a nanny or working less days but I don't feel that those are solutions for us right now. I just think Anna is going through a tougher phase and it takes all that I have to get through it in one piece.

In Anna's defense, she has been a lot better. This weekend was a huge improvement over last weekend - I do think in part because her stomach feels better and she's a bit more settled into all the changes that have been going on. But still, I am just beat. When she goes down for a nap, I take one too. I am so tired at the end of the day as well. Uri says I should exercise and I agree but each day goes by without a window where I possibly could do it. Please know this is not an opportunity to tell me how easy it would be to exercise if I only [fill in the blank]. It's just tough right now and my schedule is busy. Some day I'll be able to do it again but just not right now. OKAY? Sheesh.

So for now, having another baby is put off. We'll see how I feel in 6 months or so. I know myself and I know that I can't deal with being pregnant and nauseous and having to keep this pace up. Also, I tried to go off prozac and I had a tough time of it. I'm trying taking less mg per day now (10 instead of 20) so we'll see how that goes. I'll try tapering off again when I'm ready to try for a second. (Although I'm still not totally convinced a second is right for me.) I HATE thinking about this. I really don't want to go through pregnancy and the first year again - it was so difficult. I think prozac could possibly be a big help compared to last time but still, I'm scared. Ugh.

Thank you readers & some big news

2011-07-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday everyone! First, I'd like to say thank you for your great advice on my last post. I stocked up the Mazdamobile with some popcorn and baby crack for the trip to and from school. It has helped immensely. Also, I think Anna is recovering from the wheat invasion as her rash is subsiding and her poops are going back to solid. Which is also nice for diaper change time. Of course, she's settling more and more into the toddler room even though drop offs are still a hot mess. So thumbs up!

AND we have big news today. Well, big news for people with small fries. Last night, Anna peed in the toilet! It was unexpected and totally awesome. We were downstairs watching my salvation show, the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and her diaper was bothering her a bit. It was wet so I said we should take it off. When I said we should go and get a dry one, she didn't want to. I said this was okay if she told me when she had to pee and peed in her potty. As soon as we took the diaper off she said she wanted to go pee in the TOILET - excuse me for saying potty- sheesh. So we went upstairs and she did it. That was that. Of course, I read enough blogs and have enough common sense to know this is only the beginning of a looooong journey towards being potty-er-toilet train..er..proficient, but hey! That was a big deal, right? I was so proud and so was she. We called my sister, my mom and daddy to tell them the news. In each case, Anna announced herself that she "went pee in the toilet".

I'm sure a large part of this is the transition to the toddler room. They have a little open bathroom with two toilets and a sink. There is no door which actually makes sense to me. This way the teachers can oversee without having to take the kids to the room each time. So I'm guessing that Anna has seen some of the other kids use the toilet and was eager to have a turn. This is great but man, she's going to be a sucker for peer pressure.

So that's about it from the homefront. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

The head banging is mutual

2011-07-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness it has been some tough times around here folks. Transitioning to the toddler room has been hard on Anna and her attitude has been dismal. Also, we've had some changes at home and on top of it all we decided to try to test her on some wheat the past few days. All I can say is

Fail.

Fail.

Fail.

Ugh it has been MISERABLE at our house. Poor thing, it has been a lot for her but GOOD GOD she has been putting us through the ringer as well.

Typical school pick-up goes like this:

Anna is happy to see me - good. Then on the way to the car: "No! We're NOT getting in the car!" Of course, we get in the car. Then, "No! No sun in Anna's eyes!!" I tell her okay, we're going to turn the corner soon and the sun won't be in her eyes. "No! We're NOT turning the corner soon!". Then just general crying and whining and "No! We're not going home!" By the time I get home I'm ready to shoot someone. But no, it doesn't end there. We have anger over all the food choices presented to her accompanied by food throwing, milk dumping and more "No!". Also, more whining. The whining, it never stops. It's so tough. She's been doing the head banging again too - always on a hard surface. Sometimes she even bites her own finger so she can have a band aid. It's all just so nuts!

The only break I had yesterday was when I put on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - two episodes in a row. That show is my savior - bless it. I used to be all uppity about not letting kids watch TV but when it is the only thing that preserves my sanity, bring it on!

The way to school in the morning is just as bad but in reverse. Instead of "No! We're not going home!" it's "No! We're not going to school!". I don't WANT to go to the Magnolia Room. I want to go to the park/store/home." Oh there is just no pleasing my little malcontent.

Looking back, the wheat was a huge mistake. It's just that Uri buys really good bread for dinner and then puts it on the table - bread used to be her favorite. So we let her try some to see how it will go and she gets the loose poo. I'm sure it's bugging her stomach. So that's not helping. I'm going to have to work on talking with Uri about not having wheat options on the table when we're all eating together. I don't care if I don't have bread.

There's nothing I can do about the transition to the toddler room. She's almost two and it was time to go. I am sure she'll love it eventually but for now, it's just hard. So, so hard for all of us. I know I'm so lucky to have a healthy, living toddler girl and so many aren't as lucky - this week, that thought is the only thing that's getting me through. Weeks like this make me so terrified of our choice to try for another. I don't know how I can manage another child if he/she has this will of steel. I hope things calm down soon.

Life Insurance Doesn't Have to be Hard

2011-07-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

First, some art from yesterday:

Now,on to life insurance. I think life insurance baffles people and it shouldn't. IMHO, one of the problems is that financial advisors / life insurance salespeople don't make much money off term life insurance. It's cheap, it solves the problem, and the application takes just as long as buying one of the more complicated and expensive policies which blend life insurance with investment products. When you are working with someone who is compensated by the result of your interaction - it tends to tip the scale towards the product that will be more worth their while. This isn't terrible, everyone's time is valuable, but still, it can cost you money you don't have to spend.

Again, these are just MY OPINIONS and you don't have to listen, you can tell me to shove it. But I'm going to tell you the way I did it - which was simple and cost effective.

First, I had to think: how much insurance do we need? Do we need it for just Uri? Well, Uri and I decided to insure each of us. Since we are a dual income family - if he passed I'd need some extra funds for life and and if I passed, Uri could use some extra funds for childcare and cash to buy lots of booze to drown his sorrows. Just checking to see if you were listening. He really wouldn't need extra cash for booze. Well, maybe just some.

We didn't have any life insurance before I was pregnant with Anna - well, just whatever we each had for free from our employers. I didn't see a need for it. Our small policies and respective 401ks would cover our funeral expenses and then some for the other person to move on with life. Since we both work, we just figured the other person would pick up the pieces, carry on with life, continue working and such. However, if you are married without kids and you think the surviving spouse would struggle with a mortgage or something like that, you may want to consider additional insurance.

So how did we figure out the amounts? Well, don't tell but it was pretty back of the envelope. Kiplinger's has a pretty good article about it that talks about covering final expenses, education for children, mortgages and other debts, and income replacement. When I did our calculations - I only included income replacement. I figured hey, if Uri dies some things are going to change around here. We're going to scale back, live in a smaller place, be more scrappy. You may not feel this way - beef your insurance up more.

So I basically just used this formula -

(1/2 Current income of person you are replacing) / .05. That's it.

So if you earn $150,000, it's $75,000 / .05 = $1,500,000 in insurance (policy amount).

I found out our number for Uri, deducted the amount he already had through his work, and voila - his amount. Again, I kind of went on the low side because we already have some cash and investments and no debt to worry about. To insure myself, I just did half the amount I did for Uri. I don't even have a calculation for that - it just seemed good. I think the important thing with life insurance is to just do it. If you make it too complicated or worry too much about it, it's less likely that you'll go through with it. All you really want is to have something in place - it's peace of mind.

The next decision is - how many years do you want the policy to continue? The usual choices are 10, 20 and 30 years. We picked 20 because we hope to be self insured in 20 years. We'll be closer to retirement and should have saved up enough to carry on. If you feel like 20 is not enough - go with 30, no big deal. Your premium will be higher but the nice thing is you will lock in your rate. Like retirement savings, sooner is always better than later with life insurance.

So then on to picking a provider. We were lucky that Uri is a member of the IEEE and they provide low cost term insurance through New York Life. Check around to see if you are a member of a group that has good rates. I think AAA offers life insurance - that's probably pretty good. Many people have additional term policies available through the workplace - those are usually fine but often won't get you to the finish line with the total amount you need. Really it doesn't make that big of a difference if you go with a reputable company.

Once you've picked a provider, you have to fill out a lengthy application and sometimes do a phone interview. Then a medical examiner will come to your house and weigh you, take some blood and urine and verify your identity with a photo ID. After that, you are done!

We pay monthly through an automatic debit on our credit card. I think our monthly premium is like $35 or something like that for a good amount of insurance. That's a lot of peace of mind for $35 a month! So you see, life insurance is no more difficult and certainly less expensive than choosing between cable and DirecTV.

There goes another piece!

2011-07-13T14:56:00.000-07:00

Date: 9/13/2011
From: Growing Place
To: Erica & Uri

Hi Uri and Erica!

Well this is your first official Magnolia room update! I just wanted to touch base with you about the progress of the transition. First of all, we are very excited to have Anna join the room she is very competent child and has lots to say. She is very kind to her friends and extremely interested in what is happening around her.

I have observed her morning drop offs to be a bit tearful but I do feel that is to be expected. Though she is familiar to the space- this still is a brand new experience for her. As long as we keep a consistent routine in the AM I feel this will subside soon. Today I stepped in to assist when Anna was crying and I comforted her with her family book and also offered her to write a message for mom and dad. I think she was a little confused by this but still very interested. I showed her paper and asked her what message she wanted to send home. She said, "I want to go to to the store with mommy." She watched closely as I wrote her words. She was very pleased when I finished, she looked up at me and I said, "did you want to give that to mom?" She quickly responded with yes.

Later, she worked very well during work time and seems to be extremely interested in the line tools, she has spent the past 3 days there. After reflection mtg we took the group to the park and she had such a good time playing with Elio and Luca. As of right now her day has been great!

Let me know if you have any questions! I look forward to our future communication and getting to know your family!

Best,
Anna's Teacher

Date: 9/13/2011
From: Uri
To: Growing Place
Cc: Erica

Thanks for the note. I'm pretty sure I know the meaning of "I want to go to the store (with Mommy)." Last weekend Mommy was going to go to the kitchen store, and I didn't want to go. So I said you go and I'll take Anna to the park. Anna was so sad that Mommy was going to the store without her that she cried a lot while I was putting on her shoes after Mommy left. Then Mommy came back because she forgot something and said, "Do you want to go to the park with Daddy or to the store with Mommy?" Anna said "I want to go to the store with Mommy." Not sure if she had fun at the store, and I'm sure she would have had fun at the park. But anyhow, the meaning of the phrase is that she misses her Mommy.

Cheers,
Uri

Pieces of my Heart

2011-07-13T09:19:00.000-07:00

Parenthood is a collection of small losses, year over year, that hopefully, somehow, end up in a lifetime of gain. The math doesn't work out. There are so many days when I feel that a piece of my heart just fell off as Anna grows a little older, a little more independent. Today was her first day in the Magnolia room - the room for bigger kids. She was scared to go. She knows many of the kids there, and she is ready, but it's different - it's a whole new routine. On the way to school she said things like, "I don't want to go to school, I want to stay home." or "I want to go to the park." And most devastating, "I want to go to the Willow room, I don't want to go to the Magnolia room." I know it's just the change - that she'll have lots of fun there. We talked about the other friends who transitioned from the Willow room to the Mag room, and the types of fun things she can do during the day. We talked about how her friend Livvy transitioned with her and that Livvy is probably scared too.

When I dropped her off, she was hesitant until the teacher prepared snack. Then she was over at the table, helping herself to some pears and Gorilla Munch. More friends started showing up and then it was time for me to leave. She was sad but I had to go. I felt like I had a hole in my chest - I still do.

Parents are The Giving Tree. We find it in ourselves to give just a bit more of ourselves until it's time to give again. I realize that it will never end. That her hurts will always be mine and her successes bring joy to my soul. I will gladly give all I have to give her the best life I can.

I remember in my early 20's I had a friend with a child. I couldn't even imagine that life for myself. She told me a story of how she took her daughter to the fair and she rode on a little carnival train all by herself. The mother's heart was breaking but thrilled to see that her girl was not a baby anymore. I couldn't really comprehend it. I thought to myself - "so what? a little kid train, big deal." But of course, life has a way of bringing understanding to you eventually, even when it's years later. And of course, now I understand.

Friends

2011-07-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

Friends are such an important part of my life. I have childhood friends I still keep in touch with, besties from high school, sorority friends, biz school friends, couple friends, and of course, bloggy friends. Groups of friends collide and separate, and at times I feel more close to some than others. Motherhood was a game changer. I feel like my whole life went through the wringer and I got a new understanding of myself and my relationships. I treasure my mom friends because they've helped me through the tough times but I love my non-mom friends because they remind me of who I used to be and who I will be again once I get through these challenging (but amazing) infant years.

Last night I was thinking about how some close friends pretty much disappeared from my life. In almost every circumstance, I can think of a deciding event, something that I did (yes, for some reason it's always me) that severed the bonds. I lost one close friendship because I failed to fly to Alaska for her wedding as a bridesmaid. Of course, there were extenuating circumstances but at the end of the day - I should have found a way to make it work. I tend to be really cagey about money and this was probably one of those times I should have just thrown it on a credit card and worried about it later. Stupid self - I missed out on a great trip and a great friend.

In the past, I was much more self-centered in my actions with my friends - I didn't think of how what I did or said would affect others. Also, I've always tended to have a large circle of friends so if once circle wanes, there is always another to take its place. This isn't necessarily bad, but as I've gotten older I've realized how my friends are true treasures and put myself in their shoes if things are going south in the relationship. Of course, some friends grow apart because it was meant to be. I have strong convictions and some of my friends have equally strong convictions in the other direction - sometimes we just have to agree to disagree and step the friendship down a bit. That's okay too.

Gosh - I feel like this post is building to something but I am at a loss for what it is. Perhaps its just that I think about the role of friends in my life and I treasure them. I have messed up in the past, I will continue to mess up but I'll continue to try. I look forward to new friends and adventures but love the old ones. [Insert cheesy email poem forward thing about friends in our life here.]

I've been percolating another Money Matters post about life insurance. It's so simple - it will be a shorty. Hope everyone is enjoying summer!

The Tantrum of 2011

2011-07-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Aren't milestones fun? On Friday night we got to experience our first time leaving a restaurant without even ordering dinner. In Anna's defense, she has a nasty canker sore on her tongue. It was hurting her and salty corn chips didn't help. (Parent fail - but we've already discussed how chips and guacamole are her favorite and we were at a Mexican restaurant.)

So anyway, we met our friends at a local Mexican place for dinner. Anna seemed to be doing well when we sat down. The problems started when she went to drink water out of a straw. The straw must have bumped the canker sore on her tongue so she started crying - a lot and loudly. I had Uri take her outside to chill. When she finally calmed down, she came inside and tried to eat chips and guacamole - more loud crying. It must have really hurt, I feel bad. While I was holding her outside, all she wanted to do was to go inside and see her friend and eat more chips and guacamole. But man, she was having a Grade A flip out. I've never seen her like that. We ended up pitching in for the drinks we had already ordered (alas, I didn't even get a SIP of my margarita) and heading home. She bawled for 40 minutes straight. Epic. Poor little thing.

Over the weekend, she was touchy about eating stuff like crunchy cereal or oranges - anything that was either spiky, salty or acidic. She didn't have a fever so I wasn't much worried until Sunday when she had another crying spell. But then this morning she seemed fine - I dropped her at school. Turns out school was worried about the sore as there has been an outbreak of hand-foot-mouth. She's already had HFM and she didn't have a fever but still I had to take her to the pediatrician in the middle of my day. She was fine but upset that mommy picked her up and then took her back to school. I really want her in school all week though because tomorrow is her goodbye circle to move to the toddler room. Also, I have this thing I do during the day called work and we had some big stuff to get out.

So anyway, everything turned out fine in the end. Besides that, great weekend. We went swimming and Anna went all the way underwater for the first time. She was a little surprised but we made a big deal out of the accomplishment and we'll keep building on success. Hope everyone else had a great weekend.

Ergonomics Win

2011-07-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've had my new desk set up for a few days now and I can't believe the difference. The main thing that feels so much better is my shoulders. Since 1999, I've been sitting at a desk all day at work and I've had a painful knot in my right shoulder blade. Sometimes it is so bad. Today, it is gone. Totally gone. I can't believe it. I am a heavy mouse user and having my mouse arm down lower so my shoulder isn't raised at all has eliminated the knot. Or at least that's what I'm guessing it is.

Some tips:

Sitting as your desk may seem like a no-brainer, but there’s actually a very specific way to sit to avoid the common injuries that come with bad posture and poor positioning.

The key is right angles – keep your seat height so that your knees are at a 90° angle to your thighs and your hips are also at a 90°. In this position, your feet should be flat on the floor. The last important 90° is at the elbow. You shouldn’t be reaching forward to type, but rather have the keyboard tray pulled out to you. This reduces potential injury to the wrist and shoulder.

Other important desk posture notes: 1) keep wrists straight, avoid cushions that cause them to bend; 2) have the top of the monitor be about eye level with a slight upward tilt in angle; 3) for added lower back support, a lumbar cushion may be used; and 4) have buttocks firmly planted in the back of the chair’s seat (in other words, don’t slouch).

Source.

So wow! I feel like I'm still working on it a little, getting my angles right but my ball chair is awesome. Definitely worth $75. I had a keyboard tray installed and that really helps too. I used to think ergonomics was kind of dorky but after over 10 years of sitting at a desk every day - now I'm starting to get it. I'm guessing you might be able to get your office to pay for the ball chair. I bought my own because I didn't want to explain my crazy idea but they did pay for the keyboard tray. The keyboard tray is bolted to the desk anyway so it belongs to the office. Some people here have gotten the office to pay for spendy Aeron chairs but well, I like the ball chair solution.

Parade video update: Uri is an artist. He made an awesome parade video but it is 13 minutes long and we had trouble uploading it to YouTube. I'm trying to convince him to make a short one that's appropriate for the blog but he says he doesn't make "blog content videos". I'm working on it.

Have a great weekend!

Called Out

2011-07-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

We're lucky that Uri has been home more often than not lately so we've been having family dinners. Anna can sit at the big dinner table and we pretty much eat the same thing. It's a fun time to chill together as a group.

I've known for years that often when I'm talking, Uri isn't really listening. He readily admits to this and we joke about it sometimes. It's okay - I guess sometimes I talk just for the fun of it. If I really want him to understand, I repeat myself or check if he was listening and not off solving work problems in his head.

Well, my daughter has inherited all of my chattiness and also all of Uri's demand for attention. Last night she was prattling away about something to him and he was not fully listening. All of a sudden, she stopped what she was saying, looked him right in the eye and said

"Daddy, I'm talking to you."

Oh my goodness it was the funniest thing ever. He is sure in for it now! I may let him get away with things but not Anna, no siree.

A Few Parade Pics

2011-07-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

Thanks.

We're still working on the video.

Picture Fail

2011-07-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well guys, sorry. I went over our parade pics and we don't even have a single good one of Anna. The only one she's even in is this one:

Which also contains a picture of me with a very blousy shirt. Not to be confused with my stomach hanging over my shorts. Ahem.

Uri also captured my furrowed brow situation (but hey doesn't my hair look good?):

Some cute kids we don't know:

Patriotic menorah:

And the official Miss America of the parade, the Bean.

Seriously, does it get any cuter than that? More cute pictures of the Bean and her entourage here.

Buy local.

Not really sure:

So anyway, clearly I'm going to have to load up some video and Uri promised he would work on it today. Hang in there folks.

Botox! Stat!

2011-07-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure we have some pictures from this weekend to post soon. The thing is, Uri has been less into taking pictures as his new hobby is videography. While it's fun to watch videos of our lives, it is unfortunate that everything is HD and watched on our huge television. Camera pictures are easy - the camera is kind and it's easy to crop things out and find the shot where you look best. Video? Oh my, not so much.

I can't believe the crazy lines I have between my eyebrows! Turns out I squint an awful lot when I'm outside, even with sunglasses on. You know, that concerned, furrowed brow look. I think I am actually going to book an appointment to get shot up with botox. Is this terrible? If you guys saw how crazy deep the lines are, you wouldn't judge. (And no, I haven't figured out how to put the videos up online and also can't decide if they are too boring for anyone to want to watch.) Back to the 'tox - I have a friend who had it done and it looks really great. I used to be so against plastic surgery and the like but eh, it's just a leetle shot in the head. Right? Please don't remind me of that site where they show stuff like this going horribly wrong. Oh god oh god, I looked. Now I'm having doubts. Ah!

Also, there was an unfortunate scene from this weekend where my stomach was physically hanging OVER my belt. We were at a restaurant. Uri said "well, that's why you don't tuck your shirt in." But actually I think the answer is "well, that's why you don't drink so much wine." Because man, it's catching up with me. Anyways - cropped and suitable pictures will be available soon. Video - maybe.

Oh my, I am such a mom.

2011-07-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

So in our redecorating bonanza, we're selling some of our existing stuff. One piece of furniture that both of us have always kind of hated is our media stand:

Blearg.

Well anyway. I sold it on Craigslist and last night the girl came to see it/buy it. She was a very cute young singlish girl - early 20's. Of course, when you buy things on Craigslist you can't ever pay the listed price ($70 for this media stand). I thought her bargaining maneuver was comical though:

"Um, well, yeah, I just went to the ATM and, er, can I give you $65?" I don't know how $65 correlates to going to the ATM but I thought it was cute and really I'm just trying to get rid of this stupid thing so I accept it - thinking $60 would have made more sense for her argument but whatever.

So then she goes to move her car while I take the stand apart for her. She comes back up - I show her where the screws go back in to assemble it at home, then take the heavy part while Uri takes a piece and she takes the other piece. We're going to help her take it down to the car - it just seems right. So we walk out the front door and Anna makes a run for it - Uri hands me his piece (the other heavy piece) and I carry both heavy pieces to her car.

Once we get to her car, I just go into mom mode - telling her how to arrange her backseat, trunk and blanket and loading all the pieces into her car just so. She gave me the money but I really felt like I should give her a $20 for dinner and send her on her way.

Sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday that I was picking up random Craigslist finds in my little VW bug, bargaining for $5 off. But it's days like yesterday when I realize shit, I'm a freaking MOM for crying out loud. And I've got the can-do attitude to go with it.

Well, $65 got me half way to Anna's new bad-ass wagon:

All terrain wagons don't count as non-Zen accumulation of stuff.

Oh yeah, we're marching in the Fourth of July parade with this baby. Yes, there will be pictures. I have to go to Old Navy and get some patriotic family outfits today so we'll see how that goes. Enjoy the weekend!

Another Mini Getaway

2011-06-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, we are those people that decide to book reservations two days before a holiday weekend. Uri and I decided that since we have a long weekend, we might as well take advantage of it. Our last trip without Anna was really successful so we're going to make a go of it again.

We'll be dropping Anna off at my mom's house (which she loves) and then taking off to the OC to spend the night in Laguna Beach. I used to live there so I know my way around pretty well, the scenery is fantastic and it's fun to walk around the downtown area. I know we live at the beach with a fun downtown area to walk around, but it doesn't feel like vacation to spend the night at home. Plus I think our place would be lonely without Anna. So one night vacation - here we come!

One last thought - an Annaism. The girl loves guacamole. She has even invented a song about it for when we go out to Mexican food .... Sung to the tune of "oh my darlin' Clementine..."

Guacamole, guacamole, guacamole, guacamole!

It's pretty funny. Even before we were seated for dinner yesterday, she was asking the waitstaff for guacamole. Enjoy your holiday weekend!

Harebrained Idea #2

2011-06-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the standing desk thing didn't work out so well. Mostly because it looked so ghetto and I didn't want to invest in making it look nice without knowing if I'd like it. So today my exercise ball chair showed up:

First let me say that it takes 2 days for it to be stretchy enough to be blown up to its full size. So right now its a bit small. Second, I'm getting a drawer to go under my desk for my keyboard because the desktop is too high. But besides that, the thing is pretty cool. It was only $75 and hey, free shipping. So this should be fun. Also it comes with an exercise booklet so maybe I can do a few little moves.

Thinking about Stuff

2011-06-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I gave Anna's little sandbox away:

Picture from just over a year ago!! Look at the arm rolls!

I used Freecycle, which is a cool way to give things you have to someone who wants them. A dad of a 16 month old picked the sandbox up and hopefully that little boy will enjoy it. We were kind of enjoying it but honestly Anna mostly just ate the sand by the cupful (literally swallowing gobs of it) and one of our cats always tried to run in there and poop in it. To a cat, the sandbox is a ginormous and pristine litter box.

I was worried a little about what Anna would think. Although she didn't love the thing too much, it's hers and we did just give away her bottles as well. Luckily it got picked up while she was napping. She did notice it was gone but I was able to deflect her a little by putting her tent out on the balcony. So that was pretty good. When I put the sandbox up on Freecycle, I felt a little worried - like maybe I would want the sandbox and it was a bad idea to let it go. But today I read this blog post and I knew it was the right thing to do. I definitely err on the side of giving too much away. I enjoy having a clean and organized space and yes, there have been a few times I've felt sorry for what I've given away and missed an item. But by and large, I enjoy living without so much crap. The blog post even has me considering some of the items I've been marking on Pinterest for our redecorating... like maybe I should dial down the crap a bit. But hey, that's what's great about Pinterest, I haven't purchased anything yet so I can apply some Zen thoughts to the collection before I do.

Oh wait, I have bought ONE thing from my Pinterest board: this toilet paper hanger thingy.

I feel like I have pinned so many cool things but for some reason this toilet paper holder is my most popular item. I was worried because Amazon only had 5 in stock and 7 people repinned it. I thought hmm, for $13 I must have it. Well shows what I know because I looked just now on Amazon and it's only $10 today! Jerks! Oh well, I will never run out of TP on the pot again and that my friends, is priceless. I will never be too Zen to enjoy copious amounts of TP.

June Gloom

2011-06-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Here at the So. Cal. beach we have this thing called June Gloom. I just looked it up on Wikipedia today and it is an actual weather pattern caused by the Catalina Eddy. Interesting! Also I did not know that it was called "Summer Bummer" when it drags into July. The months of August - October are usually our golden time here - warm, bright and beautiful.

I realized today how I have really become part of this place because I actually like June Gloom. It used to bug me but now I just feel comforted by it - like a piece of home. Although it would be nice if we could take Anna to the beach again. Well, July will be here soon enough. Unless it's summer bummer...

Stop the Insanity! Pinterest!

2011-06-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Holy goodness - I both love and hate K for telling me about Pinterest yesterday. It is such sweet, sweet addictive fun. I almost didn't want to tell all of you about it because it seems like their server is a little overloaded - like they weren't ready for so many people glomming onto it.

But man, too much fun. I love shopping on the interwebs, obvs, and this tool is my mecca. My mecca I tell you! I get to have all my favorite stuff from all my favorite shops (Etsy, Overstock-shut up, Crate and Barrel, etc.) and group them together. Again, I almost don't want to share my treasures with you guys but it's just too cool. Here are my Pinterest boards, check 'em out. You also get to follow people and browse what they are pinteresting. Now you don't have to be a consumerist whore like me and just pin stuff you may want to buy. You can pin cute pictures of babies and puppies or quotes you enjoy, whatever. But right now, as I said yesterday, I am kind of working on a project so this is just the perfect vehicle. Actually, it's a little TOO perfect for a person like me who gets obsessed with projects.

I was even thinking how cool it would be to roll to the furniture stores w/the iPad and pull up my Pinterest boards there... right? I made Uri look at all my boards yesterday. I think what I'm trying to do is wear him down with too much information so he finally just says I can make the decorating choices on my own. Babe, if you are reading this, just kidding! I love your opinions!

Anyway, if I don't blog for like the next year, it's because I'm Pinteresting. Sorry about that.

Home Life

2011-06-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

I have been really preoccupied lately and it's hard finding the focus to blog. Life is moving forward full steam ahead lately and it's all good but busy. This past weekend Anna said goodbye to bottles at home - she had done it at school quite some time ago. We created a beautiful lie (still, a lie) and told her that we had to give her bottles to the babies who need them. Just random babies. I felt like this would be easier than saying the bottles were just gone or thrown away. (Which is what we did - threw them away because they were cheap and old and leaked.) Sometimes she still asks for a bottle but we're firm with it and say she's a big girl now. She prefers drinking out of a glass "like Daddy" than a sippy cup but it's been going fine. Her milk consumption has really dropped - I didn't realize how much she was drinking for comfort or just enjoyment of the bottle. I think she's pumped up her solid food consumption to compensate.

So yes, giving up bottles took a lot of effort and increased the whine factor quite a bit but what I've been really focused on is redecorating. Uri and I decided we're going to refresh some things so we've been starting to gather ideas. This weekend we went to a big Crate & Barrel with Anna and I was starting to doubt our grand plans. I remember the last time we did some furniture hunting and decorating - it took us forever without a kid in tow. We spent all our weekends driving around looking at stuff and going back and forth about what to buy. Adding a small person to that equation just makes for crazy times.

I was complaining to my mom about how hard this was going to be and she had a great suggestion: buy some home decor magazines and get ideas from there first - before going out into stores. This has already been really helpful. Uri and I sorted through a huge stack of magazines and ripped out pages that had things we liked. Then we made a big "inspiration board" with our ideas. It's been helping us to get on the same page about colors and think about what new pieces of furniture we might need. I think we'll get the furthest with a new couch - which upset Uri because he's really attached to our couch - he called it his "bachelor couch". They have been together since 2003. So we'll see.

We've also been compiling ideas from the web, kind of like so:

It's been fun.

Money Matters: It's a Work in Progress

2011-06-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking today how my last two Money Matters posts might have been a bit deflating to some. Everyone has different financial goals and these first two posts had a pretty heavy focus on cash (6 months of cash reserves, the idea of buying a car with cash.) I know cash doesn't just fall from the sky!

It's important to remind yourself that these are eventual goals and no matter where you start, you can slowly build towards them. I became a financial advisor in my early 20's so I've been pursuing these goals for over a decade. I also realize that having a two income family puts us in a place where our financial goals are easier to pursue. But everyone can work towards a good cash reserve and eliminating debt.

Let me tell you a story.

Becoming and practicing as a financial advisor was one of the most difficult times in my life. My parents had recently divorced so I had no financial help there - and I had recently broken up with my college boyfriend, going from a two income household to a one income household. I was living in a bachelor apartment - which meant that I had no kitchen. It was the tiniest place - just a box of a shower where even a very small person couldn't avoid hitting the walls. The closet was a joke but hey I didn't have any money for new clothes anyway. My refrigerator was one of those mini drink fridges and it didn't even have a freezer. I often ate tuna right out of the can, dumping the tuna water down my bathroom sink. Every single thing I purchased was analyzed. I had to finance most of my business expenses on my own and was slowly growing an ugly mound of credit card debt.

One night, my college girlfriends decided to have a little get together at a restaurant. I was hesitant to go because I could rarely afford to pay for drinks at a bar or restaurant, but everyone needs a night out now and then. Dinner was fun although I was worried about the cost. When the bill came, we split it equally as we always do - it was $40 per person. I paid up and went back to my car and cried. I knew that spending that much on dinner meant that I didn't have anything left for groceries that week. It was so ridiculous to me that while I was trying to counsel others on how to have financial independence, I could hardly afford a rare dinner out with friends.

Obviously, my financial advisor career did not turn out as a success. Barely out of college, it was difficult to convince anyone about to retire to trust me with their life savings - I looked just like their grandchild for goodness sake. However, the lessons I learned were solid and the basics don't change. Even then, I was putting $50 a month away in my IRA, knowing that the earlier you save for retirement the better.

After several years, I got that credit card monkey off my back as well as my student loans and car loan. It happened little by little and believe me, there was no shopping at J Crew during that time. When I met Uri, we were both debt free and with our dual incomes I've been able to really make the most out of things. But still, it wasn't until this year that we got our cash reserves up to where we want them. Some of my friends have been married over twice as long as we have - they've been building for their futures for much longer and have lots more to show for it. But no matter where you start, it's the starting that's important.

That's why your financial snapshot is so important. You may not love where you are today but you CAN achieve your goals. So go into the weekend feeling strong - planning the future you want begins today.

Money Matters: Wheels

2011-06-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Ohhh, you guys. I've got a fun one today. Talking about cars. Something most everyone needs and has to deal with. My sister told me that my last Money Matters post was a little lengthy and I agree. So I'm going to summarize the key points about cars first and then those of you who are interested can read more. Sister: the blogosphere thanks you.

Let me tell you first that you are in good hands here. I work with a bunch of financial analysts and we actually enjoy running the numbers on cars and giving hell to the dealers. This is high entertainment for us. I even have a coworker who calculates depreciation on his cars to figure out his actual cost of ownership per month. Don't worry, I'm not going to make you do this. Big picture, right?

So the absolute points I want everyone to remember about cars are:

The price you pay for the car matters. The purchase price - not the monthly payment.
The interest rate you pay matters.

That is it. If you do nothing when you buy or lease a car except manage those two things, you will be ahead of most people.

So the rest of you who clicked through are interested in more of the nitty gritty of car buying and leasing. Happy to have you here! This is something I have pondered for years and have done every which way - financed new, financed used, leased new and bought outright... cash style, ohhhh yeah.

My discussion here is going to cover buying a new car because there is so much more involved. Used cars can definitely be a great deal but again, there are a lot of variables. Here are some of them. Both Uri and I have bought used cars and I'm not against it. Right now, new has just been what we're doing.

Buying a car the OLD way.

Let's talk about buying a car the old way. You probably watch all those flashy car commercials on TV and perhaps test drive a few cars at dealerships. Your heart is set on a particular model and then you bargain with the dealer on the best monthly payment. Buy, lease, it's all the same right? Well, this is how the dealers win. Bringing the discussion down to monthly payments is usually a way to hide all sorts of injustices. Sure, dudes have to make a living but it doesn't have to be on your dime.

Buying a car the NEW way.

So this is how I would suggest adding a new vehicle to your family.

Consider your needs
Do a wide search for cars that would fit those needs
Pick a few makes/models that do the trick
See which one seems to be offering more fair pricing
Reach out to multiple dealers and negotiate a price
Decide whether to borrow money or not
Win

Choosing your car

So your needs: instead of narrowing down on a manufacturer or model early in the game - expand your search. Think about all the cars that might suit your needs. When we leased our Infiniti M35 in 2008, we got an insane deal. This is because the car was large during a time of increasing economic uncertainty and rising gas prices. Infiniti was kind of struggling along and no one wanted to commit to big boat of a car so we were able to make out like bandits. Go ahead, try to lease an M today for $399 a month. More like $579. When we turned the car in I told Infiniti I'd be happy to lease a similar model at our current lease terms and the dealer said there was absolutely no way. That's what you call a smokin' deal.

So instead of just wandering on to a dealership - do your homework. Research different models and figure out who has great incentives or what cars are a better deal. Some sites even post current hot car deals.

Negotiate a price

Assuming you've pretty much figured out what car you require, now you've got to start wheeling and dealing. There are so many great internet tools to help you negotiate a super deal on a car. Two tools that I've used are:

Both of these sites help you to get price quotes from dealers - at this stage only discuss the actual price of the car, no financing. If the dealer asks you about it, just defer. Once I find a dealer offering a pretty good price, I hammer them on email until I get a price on an actual model in their inventory (WITH stock number). Almost every dealership posts their inventory with stock numbers online so you have to do very little work to see what they have in stock in your make and model - dealers always seem surprised when I quote stock numbers to them but duh, it's their own website. It is often difficult to get a firm price on an actual stock number but if the dealer won't do this - they are going to jerk you around at the dealership. This happened to me too, I learned my lesson.

OK at this point I know you are sick of this shit. I am too. But there are so many things to think about when buying a car. Once you've picked your car and got a firm price on a specific stock number - you then negotiate financing - do you want to borrow money to bring your car home or not? Unless you are showing up at the dealership with cold, hard cash (okay, or your checkbook), you are going to be borrowing money. You can borrow money to lease the car or borrow money to finance the car.

Financing

You have a ton of financing options and it can be very confusing! Yes, we did lease a car. We haven't done so since and I'm not sure that we will again. I only recommend leasing to the sophisticated buyer because there are so many factors that you have to manage. Look here on Edmunds for just some of the terms. It's interesting to me that they don't discuss the money factor - or the interest rate of the lease. This is important! Remember, it was one of my two important things. When we leased our M35 we got a money factor of zero. Yes, they loaned us the car for zero interest. Ha ha suckers! So anyway - car leasing - it's a tough one. Unless you really love the numbers game it might be a good plan to shy away from it. Let me leave you with a cautionary tale of a coworker's cousin:

He had previously leased an Acura. His family was growing and he decided he wanted to lease an Audi SUV. His Acura lease wasn't up but he just wandered on to the Audi lot to test drive a car for shits and giggles. Of course, he ends up in the little office getting the numbers on a new Audi. "Wait!" he says, "the lease on my Acura isn't up yet." "Don't worry," says the kind and helpful Audi dealer, "we'll take care of it for you." And take care of it they did. They returned the car to Acura and put the cost of returning the leased car early into his new monthly lease payments for the Audi. You might say - well shit, if the monthly lease payment of the Audi seemed fair to him and he got the car he wanted - what's the harm? Well, if you like throwing money away there's no harm at all.

So if not leasing - then financing. You can check the manufacturer's website and see what specials are going on. This can often be a very good deal - like when manufacturers are offering 0% financing. 0% financing is awesome. No matter what piddly rate your savings account is paying right now - it's more than 0%. So this is usually a win.

When I purchased the Mazda - I had the option of something like 1.9% financing on a 60 month lease or $2000 cash back if I paid cash. For me, the $2000 cash was better because 1.9% was higher than the rate my savings account was paying. Low APRs don't pack a lot of punch when interest rates are so low - like right now. If the manufacturer doesn't have any deals - you can often get a better deal from a local credit union than you can from the dealership. Worth looking into.

What about down payments? On a lease - don't do it. On a car you are financing - depends on your budget, your cash reserves (we already talked about that) and your preference. I would urge you to consider buying a bit cheaper car than you were thinking of originally if you can pay for all or most of it right now. Interest rates are low and your cash isn't really getting you very far. It's so freeing not to have a car payment. Uri and I have worked hard over the past years to eliminate all debt from our lives and it feels so awesome.

Are you tired yet? I know that I am. And this is what the dealer is hoping too. They are hoping to get you into that little negotiation room and add all these stupid extras. But you stand strong! You can always go home and come back the next day - the car will still be there. Dealers HATE this but I always recommend it if something seems off. Basically once I have the car at the price I want and the financing I want - I just say no to everything they ask in that last little room. No extra warranty, no extra alarm (even if it's "already installed") no whatever the hell it is they are offering. Polite, but no. You don't need any of that stuff.

Win

And then, that's it! The car is yours. Drive it off with pride knowing that you made the right choice.

(Note: I didn't discuss trade ins. I don't recommend you do trade your car in at a dealership. Try Auto Trader or at least CarMax.Yes it is absolutely a pain but it makes a difference.)

Toddler Transition

2011-06-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness - my baby is growing up. In one month she will be fully transitioned to the toddler room at school. Yesterday I toured the toddler room - called the Magnolia Room - with Kate, whose daughter Liv is going to transition with Anna. We had another parent show us around the room. To be honest, I wasn't sure why I needed a tour as it's adjacent to the room where Anna spends her time now. But I was surprised to see how different things are in this big kid's room.

After some free play outside and a snack, they start the day with a morning meeting to discuss the day's possibilities and lessons learned the day before. This teaches them to stay calm and listen. They even get assignments for the meeting: one child is responsible for waving a flag and calling all the friends to meeting - two are in charge of watching the clock to see when the meeting will end, things like that. The room has two miniature flushing toilets and a miniature sink so the kids learn to use the toilet and wash hands afterwards. For the littler ones, all diaper changes are done standing up so the kids can learn to pull their pants up and down. The focus in the room is on self sufficiency and helping others. The bigger kids show the little ones around and teach them how to do things like use the water fountain. They learn to take shoes on and off and put on their own sunscreen. The kids are in charge of their own lunch - they open their lunch box, spread a cloth napkin down, lay out their cups, silverware and food containers, and eat their lunch. Then they pack everything back into the lunch box and put it away in the cubby. (Yes, this means that every day I have to pack Anna a cloth napkin, cup, silverware **not disposable!** and her lunch in easy to open containers. More work for me but I think it will be worth it.)

During the tour, one group of children was sitting quietly at a round table listening to a teacher telling a story. I could not believe the difference from just a short while ago when some of these kids were in the younger room with Anna bouncing off the walls. They were able to sit patiently and listen - it was remarkable. I am looking forward to the lessons taught in the Magnolia Room and I can't believe it's already Anna's time to move up. This room is for ages 2-3/ 3.5 and then they transition to the next room until it's time to move to Kindergarten at another school. I know that will come too quickly as well. I remember so vividly her first day at school - she wasn't even crawling yet and just learning to eat food. Now I look at all she can do - it's so amazing.

For those of you who made it to the bottom of this post - a bonus. I just bought these shoes for Anna and they are an incredible deal. So well made, I really love them. 60% off! Anna loves them too.

Worn Thin

2011-06-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I kept misplacing my patience. Anna has really been pretty great lately but I think being together just the two of us for so long wore me down. I don't know how women manage when their husbands travel for weeks on end or get deployed in the service. On Sunday our good friends came over and thankfully CM offered to watch Anna in the afternoon after her nap. I think she could see that I was at the end of my rope. I try so hard to be patient and kind with Anna but I just couldn't help snapping at her (in front of guests - awesome!).

It was the same on Saturday when we went to dinner. The restaurant gave Anna one of those lidded plastic cups with a hole for the straw and she spilled it on herself over and over. She tends to tip the cup like how you would drink out of a regular cup or a bottle - but then the milk just spills out of the straw hole. I must have shown her how to hold the cup ten times and I was absolutely losing my mind. Also I've been trying to cut back on Prozac to see how it will go if we start trying for #2. I'm not sure I like how I feel with the cutting back of the Prozac. Maybe my period is coming soon or something but the anger is creeping back. I realize that anger is part of the human condition and it's surely normal to be frustrated with a willful almost 2 year old but well, I also enjoy having fun and relaxing during my weekend. So it's a tough call. I think I'll call my OBGYN and discuss the risks. I'm on a really low dosage of Prozac so maybe it will be okay if I just stay on it. We'll see.

Today I'm tired. A little too much champagne yesterday and I've got the yucks to show for it. I know, I surely sound like mother of the year with my snippy attitude, drugs and champagne shenanigans. What can you do?

Money Matters: Our Family Snapshot

2011-06-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

The financial matters poll has definitely been the most popular poll to date - way to go you guys. Looks like most of you are interested in seeing a little bit of financial content. Very cool! Today we will discuss the family snapshot.

I'm sure all of you have some way that you balance your checkbook or keep track of spending. For some it may be just glancing at your monthly statements or ATM slips to see that everything looks okay. Some of you may keep it all on Quicken or that new site Mint. However, how long has it been since you stopped for a second to see what your cash picture really looks like? It's called a snapshot because it's just a moment in time.

All we want to do here is get a feel of average monthly inflows and outflows of cash. If you want to work along with me, I've gone ahead and uploaded the same spreadsheet I used to do this for myself. It's right here on Google Documents. Why not go on over there and download it, hmm?

So hopefully now you're looking at my beautimous spreadsheet - please download it and keep it as you can't edit it on Google docs:

Don't worry, it will be easy to fill out and then so FUN to play with!

The first part is to figure out your inflows. To make this easy, I just deal with the amount on the paycheck after taxes, 401(k), etc. - the NET amount. Because really, in your cash picture, this is what you're dealing with. I am going to assume that you're putting everything you can manage to into your 401(k), okay? Maxing it out if you can. We'll discuss this later.

So what counts as an inflow?

Well, it's just the money that's getting deposited (ca-ching!) into your account. I want this spreadsheet to be monthly because that's an easy chunk to look at. You'll see here that one paycheck (Paycheck 1) is every other week, I just adjusted it to annual (bi-weekly times 26) before getting to the monthly number. The other paycheck (Paycheck 2) was twice a month so you just double that for the monthly number.(And yeah, I just threw in fake numbers but you'll use your own on the privacy of your own computer.)

Since we contribute some funds each paycheck to a flex account for childcare expenses, I added that back into the monthly inflows. That amount would already have been taken out of the net paycheck number I'm using in the top two lines. I also included a line for those of you that do the same for healthcare flex accounts.

If part of your income is commission-based, you're just going to have to average out from the past year or so what you reasonably make per month.

If you get an annual bonus, that goes below.

Just make your best guesstimate at your average annual bonus and use the after tax number. This bonus section is also where you could include anything you make every year in your side job (if you have one).

Next we're going to deal with the Outflows:

Again, I'm just trying to keep this simple. If you do own a house, you'll want to include average monthly maintenance and taxes in that top number. We pay all our insurance annually so I just divided that to a monthly number. Most of our other bills get charged right onto our credit cards so I just did a 9 month average of the bills on each credit card to come up with much of our spending. Also, look at your bank statements and average out how much cash you use each month.

If you have a lot of medical expenses you might want to include a monthly average of that - or anything else that seems relevant to your family. Student loans, car payments, anything like that. Things you have to cover each month. Outflows takes a bit more thought and time than inflows because money tends to leak out everywhere, doesn't it? But just try to be as honest as you can with yourself. No one is going to see this and you're trying to get an accurate snapshot.

We try to manage our tax withholdings so that we don't pay additional taxes at the end of each year. Um yeah, that doesn't always work. However, if you routinely pay some taxes when you file your return - you'll want to divide the average amount by 12 and add it to monthly outflows. (Or, if you get money BACK on average - you can add that up top to your income part.)

What I'm trying to do here is smooth out a year's worth of cash movement and look at it in an average month. Be as honest as you can or it's not going to help.

Much of the last part of the spreadsheet should calculate for you:

First you'll see the difference between inflows and outflows. Hopefully this number is positive. If it isn't, the rows below won't work for you and you will need to tweak your spending because going forward you'll want to spend less than you earn. Don't beat yourself if you're slightly in the negative - just try to find a way to fix it. And hey - it's great to even find that out!

So what the six months of cash reserves line is telling you is how much cash you need to cover yourself for half a year without income. This is how much cash you'll need going forward.

Then in the line for current cash reserves - put in how much cash (or money market or cd's, etc.) you have on hand. If you have more reserves than you need - congratulations! We'll talk about that another time. If you have less - the very last number will give you a loose idea of how many months you will need to save your monthly overage to get to that six month cash reserve goal. If you are all set on cash reserves this line won't apply.

Once you have this spreadsheet together, you can play with the numbers to see how differences like a cheaper car, a more expensive rent/mortgage, a raise/pay decrease will affect you.

I have based this spreadsheet on the assumption that you are paying off the balance on your credit card every month. If you are not doing this it's a bit trickier. If you are carrying credit card balance - pay that off before you bolster your cash reserves. If you have both credit card debt and no cash reserves at all, work on both of them little by little each month as you'll want to have something for emergencies beyond relying on more credit card debt. Just believe me that credit card debt is the devil and try to steer away from it.

Whew! I feel like that was enough for today. It may not seem like we've gotten anywhere but really we laid the groundwork for all financial planning. Don't worry if this snapshot process takes you a few weeks. It's actually better that way. I go back and look at mine a lot and tweak it and do "what-ifs". Try to have fun with it! Of course, if you're having trouble with the spreadsheet, send me an email or a comment. I'm happy to help you tweak it. Have a great weekend.

Money Matters

2011-06-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

I've gone back and forth about whether or not I should discuss finances much on the blog. I'm not talking about personal specifics, of course, just general financial health stuff that I practice. I used to teach seminars on women & money and it's something I believe in. I think where my uncertainty comes from is that I'm not sure any of my readers would even care about something like this. Would you? Are you all totally financially savvy out there or do some of you have questions? As the financial number cruncher of our household, I love to get down and dirty with the data. I try my best to make sure that we're doing all we can to be financially sounds today as well as 20 and even 50 years down the road.

So I was thinking it might be fun to do a few posts on cash management, personal investment plans, retirement, college savings, etc. What do you guys think?

Home

2011-06-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

I grew up in the suburbs:

A great place to be a kid - we had a safe cul de sac where we could ride bikes, friendly neighbors and good schools. There were many more homes than apartments or condos and most homes had nice back yards and lots of those had pools. Typical suburban community filled with families where all the kids play AYSO.

Most of my family still lives out there - ranging from 40 minutes to an hour or so away by car (with no traffic). I go and visit with my family often and was at my mom's house all weekend long. We played in the pool and enjoyed the relaxed family time. It's so easy to run errands - there are always convenient parking spots available at the grocery store and I've never once had to wait in line at Trader Joe's. It blows the mind. They also have more than one Target which well, I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse. Having lived without Target for many years, I'm aware of what a money suck that place can be.

Sometimes I think about what our lives would be like if we moved out there. Of course, I'd have to get a different job because the commute would never work but I think about it... we could afford a really nice home, provide a wholesome life for Anna and any future litle ones and be closer to my family. (Good times but also FREE BABYSITTING!) Uri is always flying everywhere anyway so he could just commute out of the airport there.

But, but, but...

It never fails that as I'm driving home, the minute the big city skyline pops into view, I breathe a sigh of relief.

And then when I cross the 405, I start to feel myself again. (Except that part about the crying toddler in the back seat but hey, long car rides are tough for everyone.)

I didn't chose where I grew up or where my family lives. Perfectly delightful place that it is, it's just not me anymore. I have made my home here, in the city on the beach. I love the bustle of it, the weather, the fact that there is always something going on. We may not have a backyard or even our own home but we have parks, the beach and plenty of fun places to walk to.

I am thankful that we get to live in this beautiful place and raise Anna here. We're unsure what the future has for us or where we may have to move down the road for work but for now, we are home.

Whoa.

2011-06-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

Uri and Anna:

Uri's dad Robert with Uri and Sascha:

One more for good measure:

Mickey Drexler Called Me!!!

2011-06-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Wow - yesterday I got a call from Mickey Drexler!!

Not only is he the CEO of J Crew, he is also on the board of directors at Apple. That is big time y'all. Mr. Drexler is known for being very into customer service and also for being accessible. Last week I sent him an email about my great personal shopping experience with Chad at the J Crew store in Santa Monica. I thought he would like it:

Dear Mr. Drexler:

I have been a J Crew fan for many years. In the beginning, I primarily stuck with sale items and collected pieces from my local store when I could. In recent years, I’ve become a working mother and don’t have much time for myself to shop. However, all of my J Crew items have been the most enduring and classic in my wardrobe. Last week I headed to my local store (3rd Street in Santa Monica) and asked to sign up for a card (finally) and get some help picking clothes out as well.

Chad [last name] helped me as a personal shopper and he did an amazing job. I’ve had so many compliments on my new items from my colleagues and friends. I have been spending a little more time getting myself ready in the morning and feeling a little better about myself each day. As a mother of a toddler – this is a great thing. I look forward to adding to my wardrobe in the future with Chad and am thankful that J Crew makes personal shoppers available at no cost. I think it’s a wonderful service - it feels so indulgent! It’s fun and helps me to push the limits a little and try on colors and styles I would otherwise have shied away from.

Best Regards,

Erica

I wasn't really expecting a response - I just hoped that maybe Chad would get recognized for great service at some point. Unfortunately, I was moving my car for a colleague (tandem parking, bleck) when Mr. Drexler called. But I did get a nice message from him - so very cool. I loved J Crew before but now I'm a raving fan. For those of you who also dig the Crew - here is a fun website that I check out every once in a while. It's a little too much to follow every day, even for me, but you can get coupon codes and dish on the new styles with other J Crewnatics.

Enjoy your day!

Daddy Hangs the Moon

2011-05-31T12:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend was beautiful; blue skies and togetherness. A few times we saw a sky writer making a circle in the sky...

Photo Credit.

Anna looked up at the sky and then asked... "Did Daddy make that?" So cute, she thought that Uri was somehow doing sky writing for her. I think it might be because she sees airplanes doing it and she knows that daddy flies on airplanes a lot. We try not to lie to her but in this case it was just too cute. Uri said "yes, Daddy made that for Anna."

This morning, I took her to the park before her allergist appointment. She looked up at the blue sky and saw some beautiful cloud formations. She asked me again, "Did Daddy make that?" And I just said yes. Uri is leaving tomorrow for eight days in Europe and Anna has a hard time when he's gone for one night let alone seven. I am hoping that we can look up at the things he "made" in the sky and it will help her feel close to him. Worth a try.

Steppin' It Up

2011-05-27T13:03:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been slowly crawling out of the hole that is first time motherhood. It has been a struggle. It was so all encompassing - I feel like I disappeared for a while and all I could be was a mom. And there was so much mom to be! Breastfeeding, pumping, up all hours of the night - it really takes a toll.

But slowly, surely, I've been returning to me. Trying to decide who I am again, re-inventing myself. A little while ago, Holly blogged about fashion and she mentioned Academichic. These ladies fascinated me! Wow - working moms who also have time to put together really cute ensembles, take pictures of it and then share it with the world! Whoa-ho! They are always putting belts on the OUTSIDE of their outfits and I was just blown away by that. I had seen that in catalogs but never in real life. (Sorry to any of my fashion forward friends who rocked this before and I didn't notice your hotness.)

I followed Academichic for a while but I felt in general their style was a little too flowy for me so then I found Kendi Everyday. She's been wearing a lot of skirts and dresses lately but when I started following her she was rocking cute pants a lot and just more my style in general. Also I love this girl: What Would a Nerd Wear. It's just so fun to see the cute stuff these ladies put together on a daily basis! I've seen some other sites that were interesting but I only follow the above two now because they more fit my steez.

So all this inspiration but now what? Well, I decided to take it to a professional. I've spoken a few times here about my love for J Crew and I decided that would be the place where I was reborn into a put-together lady. I went down to my local shop and said that I wanted to sign up for a card (finally after all these years) and that I wanted someone to help me pick out some fun clothes. Well - that was an awesome decision because if you sign up for a card AND use a personal shopper - you get 20% off everything you buy that day. And the best part? The personal shopper is FREE. I had this wonderful guy Chad and he brought me so many awesome things I would never have picked out on my own. I really enjoyed it - it felt so indulgent to have a personal shopper even though it didn't cost anything. (Well, except for the clothes and shoes I bought but hey.) It was great though - instead of picking up pieces here and there, I got a bunch of great new stuff that coordinates really well and I just feel like I look so much more put together every day. It wasn't the cheapest thing I've ever done but it wasn't excessive either. I've gotten compliments from almost all my colleagues at work and even some of my girlfriends. I feel so much better about myself. I take a little more time in the morning thinking about my ensemble and it's something I do for myself. I am putting things together in a new way and I feel like I am ROCKING IT!

Have a great Memorial weekend everyone. Do something just for yourself. Anything. This is an assignment.

Blogging & Real Life Don't Always Mix

2011-05-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

Oops. Yesterday I learned that my husband does not always appreciate my hilarious style of writing. I've been writing and reading blogs for so long now that I've adopted some of the styles into my every day emails. One thing in particular that I have fun with is all caps for emphasis. You know, when you REALLY want to make a point about something.

So yesterday I sent Uri a slightly dramatic email about our personal finances and I may have emphasized some things with ALL CAPS. Um, he saw that and just tuned the hell out. He thought I was yelling at him and I guess I was. The thing is, I tend to talk really loudly when I get excited (or drunk, or just whenever), and I've now brought that exuberance into my writing. Ladies - not a good thing to do in an email to your husband. Unless I guess it's about how MUCH you want to HAVE SEX TONIGHT or something like that. I am guessing that would be okay. (Sorry mom.)

He said I was being a little ridiculous and well, of course I was. Sometimes I feel like we are Dharma & Greg, I am such a spazz and he's so cool-headed. (And yet I'm the saver, it's so fascinating, right?)

Well, we talked about it reasonably after dinner without yelling (we don't yell in real life, just me in email). He established a dollar amount that I am allowed to bug him about and everything under that dollar amount is just water under the bridge - I need to figure it out and just deal with it. So that's pretty fair.

And now, deep breaths. And a word from our sponsors, Anna and Livvy:

The Spender & The Saver

2011-05-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Isn't that just how it is? It seems to me that most couples I know have a spender and a saver. Although I do know a few couples with two savers together (boring) or two spenders (dangerous). For us, I'm the saver and Uri is the spender. Personally I've had times in my life where I was barely getting by, I've also seen my parents go through very difficult times financially and on top of that I used to be a personal financial advisor. Money is always in the forefront of my brain. I'm sure it doesn't seem like I'm very savings-oriented to many of you who read my blog, what with my persistent Amazon habit and tendency to go on vacation. But I'm always mentally balancing our financial goals with our spending habits and lately I feel like things have been spinning a little out of control.

Our last few months, things have been getting tighter and tighter. Being the pessimist, I am completely flipping out and being the optimist, Uri is sure I'm overreacting. We're both probably a little right and of course, that means we're both probably a little wrong too. Welcome to marriage, right?

It amazes me how the little things continually add up. A dinner here, some groceries there, Amazon this and that, BAM! Paycheck's gone missing! I've tried to get by without micro-budgeting, I really don't want to analyze the percentage we spend on eating out vs. groceries, wine, whatever. I used to do that and it drove me batty. But when I stopped keeping an eye on it, it just started going up, up up! At the very least, we save in our retirement fund and I do some cash savings every month. Thank goodness I've been rigid about that but still, our spending has not been pretty.

What really gets my goat about it is that we're just pissing money away. By not spending mindfully, we throw our earnings away. Sure, I like eating out but in a few years time I won't be thinking fondly of all those dinners out - I'll be wishing I'd had less of them and more benjamins in the bank. Of course there is another side to the story. It's not good to save too much in the present - to sacrifice the good times you can have today. We'll never be younger than we are today and I can't think of people who more need a glass of nice wine than parents of a toddler. But where is the right balance? It's been on my mind more lately than before because we're thinking about moving again (as usual). Thinking about moving causes you to think about your lifestyle and what you need and what you don't. It's good to go through these mental inventories now and again.

I don't have an answer. All I know is something's got to give.

Strange Night

2011-05-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone was a little nuts at our house last night. This innocent looking cat was really on a rampage:

He was going to town eating all the plastic in a 10 foot radius of our bed. Those of you who have ever heard a cat chow down on plastic know exactly how loud and annoying it is. Uri has already put our bedroom trash in the bathroom to dissuade him but last night the cat was really out-doing himself, finding all sorts of plastic everywhere.

The thing is, sometimes the cat just decides that he is really hungry - like at 3 am or something. He will run around chewing stuff loudly until we wake up and go feed him. Now if it's just me at home, I refuse to feed him so he mostly doesn't play me like that. But he knows Uri will break down so he really hams it up.

Finally Uri just feeds him and then around 4:30 I hear really loud crying coming from Anna's room. She mostly sleeps through the night now so I went to investigate. She was up on her knees in her bed with these little play boots for one of her stuffed animals saying "NO BOOTS! NO BUNNY BOOTS!" It was actually pretty hilarious. Made no sense. I quietly took the boots away, tucked her back under the blanket and lay down with her for a little bit. She was breathing really heavy - those boots were really upsetting for some reason.

Neither Uri or I could really sleep well after all the interruptions so we were a bit late getting our day started. Somehow I made it to work on time and had some extra tea - all is well.

The Girls

2011-05-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

Girls' Weekend 2011

I am so very fortunate that my great girlfriends from college have kept in touch over the years. Now that many of us have kids, we aren't able to see each other or talk on the phone as much as we'd like. But we try to do a little get-away once a year. Weekends like this take planning and commitment from everyone involved and I'm so glad we all get it done.

This past weekend, we celebrated the non-rapture in San Diego. It was a beautiful time full of hilarity, deep thoughts, silly thoughts and togetherness. Fellow blogger Melissa did a little write up of some of the weekend, you can read about it here (and also see some pictures of moi).

It was great for me to get away and for Anna to have some special daddy bonding time. I was so happy to see both of them when I got back on Sunday. But I'm also so glad that I went.

Today's harebrained idea

2011-05-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

It seems that standing desks are all the rage lately. I am testing it out today. We'll see how it goes. Also, notice I am wearing a belt on the OUTSIDE of my shirt. I am really pushing boundaries today.

(Mom, I know, I'm using some lightening cream for it and I'll try more concealer.)

Last night I was that person

2011-05-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Oh sigh. I knew the time would come when I was eventually the person with a scene going on in a restaurant. We eat out quite a bit and I've usually managed to come out of the experience with my dignity intact and not too many stares. But last night, even people WITH KIDS were giving us the side looks. At least we were in a family oriented chain restaurant.

Last night, Anna and I went to dinner with Cupcake Mama and her little bean. We have an extra car seat installed in the super Mazda so Anna is always thrilled when bean gets to ride in the car with her. Dinner started out fine - with Anna emptying all the sugar packets out of the little sugar packet dispenser at the table. We did okay drinking milk and eating some food but at some point Anna just gets antsy. She was trying to drink water out of a straw out of the huge adult glass and spilled some on her. She absolutely can't handle wearing a wet shirt so she insisted I take it off. There is screaming, there is a baby with no shirt on in the restaurant - I don't know, suddenly it just got out of hand. It was a small place and man, I just knew I was that lady. Even my good friend was kind of like uh - what the hell? I took Anna outside for a breather and the other people with kids were even watching us at that point. You know, they were probably just praising Jesus that it was someone else with the crazy kid situation so I shouldn't even trip. But still, sheesh.

Anyway, it turned out fine. I put an extra jacket on her after she calmed down and she walked around with bean a little near our booth. We went home without any additional shenanigans.

Anna was cracking me up this morning. I go get her around 7:00 am and bring her into our bed to have milk and breakfast. Lately she has really enjoyed eating a whole banana with a peel and peeling it herself. She calls the peel "trash" - which it is. So she comes in and sees the banana this morning and says "Anna have trash banana?" I guess meaning she wants the whole thing with the peel. Also, she kept asking me to wipe the "noodles" off her hands - the little stringy things that came off the banana. It was cute. Ah kids, ups and downs, ups and downs.

No! THESE pants!

2011-05-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Anna has started to have an opinion about what she wears every day. This is both exciting and hilarious; I have no idea why she prefers what she does. This morning I was going to put on some of her jean leggings because it's raining and she just wouldn't have it. I thought maybe she wanted to go pick her own pants out of the drawer but she wanted to wear her bird pants - the same ones she wore yesterday (yes, they were still laying on the floor in my room where I took them off last night). I had already dressed her in a multicolored polka dot shirt but I thought what the hell.

She also insisted on her navy shoes as well as a bow in her hair. I had already grabbed the pink sweater so we just went with that too.

The pants are a little dirty from being worn all day yesterday but I could care less. It's really too bad I didn't take a picture before I put the sweater on because the polka dot shirt with the bird pants was a pretty funny sight. I guess if I had pants like that they would be my favorite too.

Refresh & Recharge

2011-05-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I was lucky enough to attend the RIE Annual Meeting. I've written about RIE here before, it's a style of mindful parenting that I really click with. RIE is practiced at Anna's school and I've also read several books about it.

I know I've talked before about abandoning theories and parenting books but RIE is something that sticks with me and I really see it as a life-long journey with Anna and our future child too.Of course, I've made some adaptations to the RIE method as I see fit for my own family and life. For example, RIE discourages putting children in contraptions like swings and exersaucers. I see exactly where they are coming from with this and I know that you can overuse an exersaucer. But we were given one as a hand me down and Anna enjoyed it every so often. We gave her plenty of time to play on the floor and use her muscles - she was rolling like a pin ball all over the living room for months.

If you are interested in learning more about this mindful, respectful way of parenting, definitely check out Janet Lansbury's blog. She summarizes things in a really easy to understand way. (Although truly, the whole thing is ridiculously easy to understand because it just makes sense.) I actually got to meet Janet this weekend as well as listen to a host of other very inspiring people. I also met another mommy blogger who talks about her journey with RIE.

The most important message that I get from RIE is to truly respect your child as an individual from birth - that they are processing so much and more aware than we can imagine. I've always spoken to Anna clearly and explained to her what we are doing and why. Sometimes my life has gotten rushed and stressed so I veer away from mindfulness and this one day meeting was such a great reminder of Magda Gerber's teachings and why they really work. I know many of you instinctively practice many of these principals and that almost all of you puke at the thought of one more parenting book. But give Janet's blog a peep - you just might learn a few amazing things.She is a true parenting resource.

And yes, just one day of recharging and bringing myself back to center has helped immensely with my feisty toddler. It's amazing how just recognizing their needs is almost always enough to get them to calm down. My husband couldn't believe it when Anna was so upset and I diffused the situation so quickly. She wanted (as always) to watch one of our many videos of herself. Lord these things are boring but she's endlessly fascinated by seeing herself in action. However, we draw the line with how many times we're going to sit in front of the computer and play short after short of Anna going down a slide, playing the piano, coloring, whatever. At some point it's like dude! Why don't you just ACTUALLY PLAY? Anyways, usually when she gets into one of her movie frenzies it's impossible to calm her down. But I just went back to the simple method of saying calmly - "you are really upset because you want to watch a movie," and "you're telling us that you want to watch a movie". Of course, it's not magic but it works so much better than something like "we can't watch a movie now because..." or "You want to watch a movie but we already watched a movie" or "it's not time to watch a movie." It's so strange, I don't even have to explain it at all, I just have to acknowledge her feelings and then we can move on. Just like any of us, she just wants to be heard and understood.

I feel like a lot of the time as parents, we acknowledge our child's feelings quickly - just a preemptive strike before we follow up with the BUT part of the statement. I know you don't want to put your shoes on BUT... I hear you that you don't want to sit down right now BUT... Refocusing this weekend has helped me to forget about the BUT and just slow down and come to Anna's perspective. Really try to listen to her and understand her. That's what I mean by respect and it's truly profound.

I leave you with a picture of Anna playing with some paper and water at school last week; exploring her world:

Much love as always - E.

Oh and also a quick note - some of you have asked for the ability to be notified via email when I post a new blog. I have added that feature to the right hand side of the blog - enjoy!

Reach Out to Alabama

2011-05-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Folks. Been kind of a dead week around Polka Dot Hippo. Things are going well just haven't been inspired much to write. One thing that is inspiring though is Rachel's work in Alabama. She has been personally collecting money, then buying helpful supplies and driving them to areas that need it most. Very cool. Check out what she's done and if you have a chance, help her to help others.