Television - how do you limit it?

When Anna was a baby, I didn't allow her to watch any television. I thought that it would be best if she didn't watch TV until she was 3. I'm not sure at what point my resolve broke down, but here we are with television as a part of our daily existence. Our actual TV broke a few months ago but we have Netflix on our upstairs computer so we start the day sitting in Uri's office, eating breakfast and watching some shows. Right now it's Dragon Tales - which I actually really like. I think they confront the big hitting toddler issues like sharing, friends, being scared of thunder, etc. Today we're watching an episode about a dragon in a wheelchair. Before Dragon Tales, Anna had a crazy obsession with the Busytown Mysteries. We watched the one about the scary "ghost" at the lighthouse at least 20 times in a row. (The ghost thing is it's own blog post.)

Here is my problem with TV: it's too awesome. Anna loves it and I get to do things like check email, blog, pick up around the house. I have read a couple things online that you should try to limit kids' screen exposure to 2 hours a day - I never thought that would be a hard thing to do. But it is! I tell Anna that we're going to turn it off after so many shows, and she always agrees until that time comes. Then she goes berserk. Of course, the tantrum subsides and she finds something else to do, but geeze, it's crazy.

It's always worse after we go on a trip. We use the iPad liberally when traveling - it's so handy when killing time on planes, trains, restaurants. On the trip we work up to MANY screen hours a day, I don't even know how many, then we have to try and cut it back once we're home. What's hard is that Anna wants to watch lots of TV and for me it's so easy when she's watching it. I think the shows are fine so I can't complain there. But I feel like it's wrong somehow. OK, I know it's wrong. Kids are supposed to play outside and things like that.

Here's what I need from you: what are some activities you offer to your kids at home to pass the time without resorting to too much TV? Anna has a toy box and that works for a little while, coloring works for a little while - I've yet to find anything that can entertain half as well as Netflix. Help me people.

More help is good!

Wow. Today I had a housekeeper come - one that was recommended by my friend Thea - and goodness, this lady did an amazing job. After that last funky housekeeper we had, it's a relief to have someone who knows what they are doing. She moved every piece of furniture so she could vacuum or mop underneath and just did a great job in general. The house is so clean and I didn't have to do anything! Totally worth it. We're starting with her every other week for now and we'll see how it goes.

I have also been really busy with all the sittercity applications I got for my part-time job posting as well. I couldn't believe how many applications started pouring in. I posted that I want help on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 10-1. I figure that will be a nice little break for me and not too many hours for Anna. I am looking forward to some time alone to run errands, exercise or just veg. Most of the applications I have received are from cute, younger ladies who are in school but my top two choices are both grandmothers. One is 61 and one is 67 and I'm meeting them both this week. I just like their vibe and I think that age group will be a good influence on Anna. Hopefully we'll be able to start next week.

I am still not sure if I'm going to put her in preschool at all. Getting into a morning program around here is challenging and I was pretty unhappy with her last two places. I think instead of doing preschool to get her ready for kindergarten, maybe I'll do some music or dance classes. I also want to amp up the play dates so maybe I can meet some additional play date friends in the aforementioned classes.

I am learning to get over the SAHM guilt thing. I don't have to do it all (every minute with Anna, all the housekeeping) if I don't want to. Going to girls' weekend really helped me because I was able to talk with another SAHM friend and she uses a nanny and housekeeper for things and doesn't trip about it. So I thought I should just loosen up. Plus, Uri still really wants another kid and babies are so hard for me - it would help if I learned how to delegate before that time if we decide to go ahead with it. So we'll see. I know we're fortunate to be in a place where I can have help even though I'm not working. That is a little hard for me to accept - I feel that the house and Anna are both my responsibility. But we have room in our budget so I'm going to spend the money and see how it goes.

Right now, I am just digging my very clean house.

Some people really love cats and/or photography

While we were out of town, we used a pet sitting service for our two cats. We've used this service before and it's really funny because they write a little progress report for every day that they come, with what they did with the cats and any other chores like getting the mail or watering plants. I've always gotten a kick out of the little letters - we often get a cat sitter named Charlie who seems to have a grand old time with the cats. His notes say things like "really glad to see Russell and Jocey (our cats) again", and "Russell sat on my lap after eating", "the kids were really happy to see me today" (yes, he calls our cats "kids"), just funny stuff.

But this last time, Charlie took it to the next level. Next to all the daily notes about the fun times he had with the cats, there was also a CD of pictures that he took of the cats. The fact that he took pictures of our cats and burned them onto a CD was awesome enough. But then we looked at the CD! 36 pictures! And he clearly edited the pictures. He really put some effort into this. If you want to see all 36 pictures of our two cats, you can click here for the album. Here are a few of my favorites:










I think we really got our money's worth with the pet sitting this time.

Europe Pictures

We are officially home. All the laundry is done, suitcases are put away, and the cupboard and fridge are full. It was a beautiful trip - much more aptly done than our trip in April. We spent about half as much out of pocket as well so a score on all fronts. Below are a few favorite pictures or you can see the whole album here.

Monet's water lilies

All anniversaries should take place in Paris

God I loved the sky on this night

Tranquility

Paderborn

I heart the Mannekin Pis

Heading Home Today

Ah, coming home, it's bittersweet. We really enjoyed Brussels and yes, we saw the Mannekin Pis. Such a little guy - really endearing actually. We spent much of the day yesterday visiting the Atomium (cool) and Mini Europe (campy but cute). Brussels is a nice, accessible city. Our first night in we ended up in a really touristy district with tons of restaurants cramped together in narrow alleys. This is usually not a good sign for having awesome food but we had a decent dinner and enjoyed the scenery. The second night we found a restaurant on a quieter street and had an excellent dinner. We drank our share of belgian beer and my clear favorite right now is Duvel - delightful, refreshing and packs a wallop.

Our flight to NYC is delayed, boo, but I know that at the end of the day we'll be in our own beds. Probably not sleeping too well with the jet lag but no worries on that. Uri and I both felt that we enjoyed this trip much more than our last one - it was good to have a less hurried travel schedule and take trains between countries instead of planes. Also, it was very nice to go to a slower paced place (Paderborn) and just relax a bit instead of all the rush of the cities. Speaking of getting out of the city, Giverny outside of Paris is a gorgeous town. We went there to see the Monet Gardens and I could imagine spending a few nights there if we ever had the chance again.

All in all, a great trip.

A Welcome Respite

This is our second night in Paderborn, Germany. It is a town that probably does not make it into anybody`s Europe tour itinerary but it is absolutely delightful. We were going to try to come in just for Uri´s meeting and get out but there is no high speed train that runs here and local ones are sparse. So we just decided to stay an extra night and I´m so glad.

It´s definitely not the glitz and glamour of Paris but it´s gorgeous in it´s own way. A beautiful walking path with birds singing, a creek bubbling and the greenest of trees and plants lining it ... this is how we walk from our hotel into the town square. Delightful restaurants and shops with prices that don´t make you cringe like in Paris. (Holy cow, I love you Paris but my goodness, the prices.)

Today Anna and I spent a relaxing day at a park and then a nice lunch where she had the local special waffle ... with whipped cream, vanilla ice cream and cherries. She loved it. I have also been loving all the food everywhere in Europe. Everything just seems fresher and less processed than at home. 

I´m checking in from the hotel business center and it is hilariously parked next to a little event space where some older folk are having a full on party with a guy singing with a keyboard. So cute. Every once in a while some ladies come out and check the other computer, maybe their email, who knows. This town is just so liveable, I know I could forge a life here. Of course it is June so I am seeing the best of the weather but still. I love places like this. Homey and gorgeous. Of course I´m not packing up and moving to Germany but I´m just saying.

Tomorrow we journey to Brussels by train to stay for 2 nights before heading home. Anna is starting to talk about missing the cats so it´s about time to go. It´s been great though and I can´t wait for our next adventure.

Paris

There is just something about Paris. Everything is so beautiful and the food is perfection. Today Anna and I hung out in the Tuileries garden and it was a delightful day. We can get around on the metro pretty easily except for all the tunnel stairs where I have to lift her in the stroller. All in all though, the stroller has proved worth it. Well, especially because the replacement stroller we got from the airline (someone else's lost stroller) is much better than our lost one. It handles so much better! Score! I like Paris even more than Amsterdam and that's saying a lot. Uri and I celebrated our belated 4 year anniversary on Sunday at the restaurant at Le Bristol and it was wonderful. The babysitter worked out well too. If you need a babysitter in Paris I can recommend Baby Chou. Tomorrow we head out to Germany by train but only for one night before going to Brussels for the remainder of the trip. I am looking forward to mussels and waffles.

The Wisdom of Strangers

Quick check in from lobby computer in Paris. The city is beautiful and we are having fun. As we were getting off a quick flight from Brussels to Paris, a man came up to me and commented (about Anna); she is adorable...(pause) she never stops talking. And this my friends perfectly describes my trip. It is wonderful and fun but at the same time peppered with endless talking from Anna. Fun but tiring. I am taking lots of pics with the regular camera and cant wait to post when I get back!

Here we are in Brussels

Hello friends! Free wifi and Anna taking a bath means I can check in. So we made it across the pond flying solo. I brought the stroller and you know, I am kicking myself because it is bomb-tastic to have it in the airport. Except for a few things like waiting for it forever at the gate and also the part where the airline lost it. Thankfully the lost and found had a loaner but still the process was awful. Oh and also they lost our checked bag so that has been fun. But Anna was a dream on both our long overseas overnight flight and our quick connection from Frankfurt to Brussels. She is truly an ace flyer, I think today brings her flight total up to 22. So today I own up to the fact that traveling with a stroller is better. Until they lose it and that's worse. But anyway. I am going to get Anna out of the bath and go to a cool looking brasserie across the street to drown our sorrows in beer, frites and whatever else. I don't know how to get pics up again so check instagram, Facebook, twitter.

Roger's Rules of Order as Applied to Marriage: Table It

Lay on the Table: Temporarily suspends further consideration/action on pending question; may be made after motion to close debate has carried or is pending

After much internal agonizing, I have decided to table the issue of having a second child. Of course, Uri is quite upset about this but at least I haven't decided to postpone indefinitely or close debate.
Today I got a prescription for Beyaz, which besides the delightful effect of keeping you un-pregnant, also helps with PMDD. My PMS/PMDD whatever is not as bad as it was, but I still feel the rage every month on schedule. A friend got Beyaz specifically and raves about it so I'm looking forward to it. Woo.

The thing that's really hard about all this is that Uri and I don't agree. I feel like I'm ripping his dreams right out of his hands. So far in our marriage, most of our dreams have been shared. We both felt the timing was good for engagement, marriage, kids - he supported me in leaving my job.  We feel the same way about debt, housing, vacation, all the big stuff. But it's just this one thing that won't go away, that chafes away at us day after day.

It's very hard for me to have unresolved issues in life. I am big on making decisions and taking action. I can't even think of anything I've ever tabled before. But here it is. Here is this huge and monumental thing that I'm just refusing to acknowledge until the holidays (the time we've set for further discussion). 

So after all that heavy stuff - how about a cute Anna story? Today we were in the bedroom after bath time and Anna tooted pretty loud. I said "hey, you tooted" and she said "no, it was the curtains". Hilarious! I guess the toot blame shifting starts pretty early. But really, the curtains? Hilarious. And here's our resident cute-ster  at a fabric store beholding the glory of a really large and groovy button collection:

 

 

 

yes I do her hair like this every day now

Preschool: Back to the drawing board. Groan.

You all chimed in so helpfully on my preschool post, and then I charged forward and picked a place. But unfortunately it is really not working out. First of all, the afternoon slot is not good for us. It seemed that Anna had stopped taking an afternoon nap - and sometimes she doesn't. But I wonder if giving it up entirely was just a phase of transitioning from full time daycare to being at home with me. Because lately she has been spazzing out around noon and then taking a 2 hour nap - which is so nice. But that makes showing up for school at 1:00 no longer an option. The earliest I could probably get there is 2:45 and I doubt being there from 2:45 to 5:00 would be worth it and possibly a drop off that late isn't even allowed. So I emailed the school and am crossing my fingers I can get our money back for July as we're paid through until then.

Also, one of the main reasons I had Anna in a daycare situation was for socialization - but I think the place is too laid back with the kids. Freaking Santa Monica hippies! Anna has been picking up some bad habits (spitting) and also has become more aggressive. It think part of it is that she's learning things from the older, bigger kids. The other day we were at the park and some kids made her mad. She yelled out "Friends! I am going to SHOOT YOU ALL!" Holy cow we need to talk about Kevin, right? It was pretty funny because she is so cute with her pigtails and bows but seriously, that is some strange business. I know she didn't learn that from me or from any of the shows we've watched on TV. So that leaves one place.

We're leaving for a trip on Wednesday but as soon as we get back I'm going to use Sitter City to try and find someone to come watch her 2-3 days a week to give me a little break. I've talked to other moms and decided that I do deserve some help. I love being with her but 24/7 is a little difficult. And if mom's not happy - ain't nobody gon be happy. So there it is.  I'm going to consider preschool again in six months and in the meantime I'm going to call the Christian preschool that Tricia recommended. I am hoping that a Christian based preschool won't be based on all this hippy stuff where you don't discipline kids at all - instead you talk about feelings with them and all that. I am not a huge disciplinarian but the past two schools that Anna went to didn't do any at all. No time out, nothing. Anna has such a strong personality that she needs to be told some of these things in a clear way.

Speaking of discipline - I never did much until just recently. I think that kids need a certain level of understanding for it to be effective. But as I said, she's picked up this awful habit of spitting and I just can't deal. So when she spits on me or anything besides in the bathtub, I take one of her toys away until the next day. This makes her very upset. We'll see if it stamps out the spitting but hopefully it works and I'll be able to use this method longer. Although today she told me she didn't even want the particular toy I've taken away back so it may be that this method will be over in less than a week. Time outs don't work too well for her because I can't get her to stay put unless I strap her in the carseat. Any other suggestions of things that work for anyone with an almost 3 year old? A very cute one?

Friends! I am going to shoot you all!

Old friends, good times.

This weekend was our mostly annual girls' weekend and we had so much fun. 9 of us met up in San Francisco for a weekend of food, drinking, memories and good old fashioned gossip. We told our favorite old stories again and again and made some new ones for next year. Melissa has a fun rundown of the weekend including everything we ate on her blog.

I'm so glad that this group continues to get together for a big trip like this on a regular basis. It seems like life zips by so quickly ... here is a picture of four of us on the original girls' weekend in 2005:

And the same girls this past weekend:

I know! We look EXACTLY the same, right?

Here is the whole group out in Napa on Saturday:

And just one more "then and now":

Even though life keeps moving forward, all it takes is some time with my college buds to zoom right back to those funny old days. Although, we all agree that it is 100% better being in our 30's. It was such a rejuvenating weekend and I can't wait for next year's trip.

Finding balance: what do I deserve?

I struggle in life to allow myself a break and to treat myself - I realize this might sound strange coming off my blog post about all the fun places I'm going this year but hear me out. I don't know where this extreme martyr gene comes from but I have difficulty knowing what is the right amount to take for myself. Case in point: I drive a perfectly sensible no-frills car and my husband drives a new BMW that cost at least 4x what my car did. I drive more than him and cart Anna everywhere, but there was just no way I could allow myself a luxury car. I'm not sure why. Don't get me wrong, my car is the perfect thing for me (van doors! cargo space!) but still, Uri would have been fine if I wanted something with more style and comfort even if it cost more.

I go to great lengths to save money (see landscaping) and we're at the point in our lives where we can afford to spend some cash on things if we see fit (see travel). When I was working, I found it much easier to spend money on myself (cough, JCrew personal shopper, cough botox). I was doing my share by bringing in money and also working hard at home and with Anna. But now I don't bring in a dime. I don't bring in a dime and I spend my days going to fun places like the zoo, Disneyland and freaking Paris for crying out loud. I know that material goods are not important and I'm not sitting here whining that I need a Gucci bag or anything like that, but it's just hard to know what's reasonable. What if I want concealer from Sephora instead of the drugstore? Should I spend $30 on shampoo? I've been letting my hair get darker and darker so it will cost less to upkeep - should I be cutting these small corners all the time?

And it's just not money - it's my time.  I feel that now I don't contribute income to our family, I have to make sure that our home is neat and tidy, laundry clean and put away, groceries purchased and in the fridge, yard looking good, and a hot, healthy dinner ready for Uri each night. Most days, it's pretty easy to get all these goals accomplished but some days it seems ridiculous.

This is a back and forth argument that Uri and I have been having. When we talk about having a second kid (which I am more and more against), he says I should just use more help: a night nurse, a nanny, more housekeeping. I realize that I'm at one end of the spectrum - over here scrubbing floors myself and ripping out rose bushes by hand. But then I look at the other end of the spectrum and it's not where I want to be. One of my sorority friends used to work for this really wealthy woman who farms out all her mom/wife chores. She has staff galore and basically spends her days with her tennis instructor and other ladies of leisure. But we all feel sorry for that lady. She has terrible relationships with her children and is kind of a joke. Not like we're wealthy enough that I could live with half the privilege this woman does, but just that's the other end of it.

I don't want to be too extreme either way - I am working on loosening up a little. I have Anna in "preschool" (daycare) 2 afternoons a week and that has been great. I also called a highly recommended housekeeper who is going to come and clean every other week. Not because I CAN'T do it (because I can do everything damn it!) but because it would be nice to have the help. But even these two small things are difficult for me to adjust to. I felt so badly the first week I dropped Anna off at school. She told me she wanted me to stay with her and that she felt lonely there without me. It breaks my heart. I know we could probably both use the time away from each other but I'm not totally sure about the place where she is. Just another thing to worry about and manage. And the housekeeper hasn't started yet but sigh, I was so proud of that $400 a month I was saving by doing it all myself. (Although we won't be spending nearly that on the new one.)

I know times weren't easier for women in the past. But sometimes I think about those 1950's housewives - that's all they were expected to be. Sure, many had yearnings past that but it was a perfectly fine thing to just be a housewife and manage the family and look nice. I feel like since I was able to balance all this AND work, that if I'm just doing this - I should be doing it 100% and without help. I feel like being home is my break and I have to work hard to earn it. I'm just not sure where the balance is.

How do you find balance in your life? If you work, do you use help? What about SAHM's that use help? Do you feel guilty about it? How do you know what is the right amount of indulgence for yourself? How do you budget for stuff like new clothes or hair or stuff like that?

Paris: Rhymes with Squee

The next few weeks are really shaping up to be good ones. On Friday, I'm flying to San Francisco for our (mostly) annual girls weekend with my college sorority friends. It's always so fun to spend time with those girls reminiscing college days and sharing stories about our new adventures. Also - NO KIDS! As much as I'm looking forward to that, when I get home we leave in just a few days for Europe trip #2. I am much more excited about this trip than I was for our last one. First thing, we're not flying all over the continent - just staying in a small area. And most important, we're going to Paris.

I am hoping it's not too crowded there but we're definitely getting into the tourist season. I've actually been doing a little research ahead of time on fun things to do, and I'm really looking forward to the family bike trip we'll be doing through Monet's Gardens.  We've been doing quite a bit of bike riding at home since Uri finally got a bike (and since we ditched the trailer) and it's such a fun way to get around together. And I find that the things I really enjoy doing as a family usually involve the outdoors. To me, a train ride, picnic and a bike ride sounds like the perfect day.

But that's not all we have planned! I have been looking into a babysitting service so that Uri and I can go out to a nice lunch & afternoon together. Lunch is the new dinner! Besides those two big plans, I am just going to stroll the city and see what I can find. I'm bringing the umbrella stroller this time because Anna just keeps growing. If people thought we looked silly with the carrier before, this would just be crazy. After Paris, we'll be going to a not terribly interesting town in Germany as well as Brussels - where I am looking forward to photographing the Mannekin Pis ... hopefully he'll be wearing a fun outfit. Also - belgian waffles & belgian beer. The one hitch is that I'm flying to Europe with Anna alone. Uri has to leave a few days early to hit Boston - so it's me, the luggage, the stroller and the kid. I feel okay about it though. I'm going to leave plenty of time for everything and I've found that a mom and a kid traveling alone attract a lot of help and sympathy from bystanders.

This is definitely the year of the travel adventure for me because just one month after Europe we do Alaska with the Mouse. We've had that trip planned for some time, we're going with the grandparents for Anna's 3rd birthday. Disney even has this little thing where Mickey calls you on the phone to say he's looking forward to seeing you. I made the mistake of trying it yesterday when I was registering online and now Anna asks every hour or so if it's time to go on the boat with Mickey. Oops. It's hard to explain "two months from now" to a toddler. I'm not doing any more Mickey calls until right before we leave. I never thought I'd take a cruise - it seemed terribly unhip to me even just a few years ago. But with kids and grandparents - it sounds PERFECT. Also, Disney does such a great job making sure everything is enjoyable and seamless. Alaska here we come!

Any other year, that would be enough. But since this is my year of adventure, I'll be going to The Blathering in October. With all of these awesome trips, I really hope I don't get pregnant anytime soon. Fingers crossed.