First Trip to the Dentist

Ugh, the dentist. I really dislike going to the dentist so I haven't been too keen on taking Anna. But when I saw that Gabrielle went and she wasn't even 2, it got me working on it. I checked the Peachhead LA message board for some dentist suggestions. I had asked my pediatrician for a rec but the dentist she gave me turned out to be the biggest practice in Santa Monica and I usually don't care for places like that. Plus I learned on the message boards that this big practice won't bill your insurance - you pay cash and then you have to do all the paperwork. F that noise folks. So I found a reasonable seeming practice and made an appointment.

For about a week, I've been talking up the dentist to Anna and how big girls go there. Today, it was finally time to go. We stopped by the zoo this morning first, to get the day going on a positive note.

Zoo went well. Then it was time to do it. We were the only people in the dentist waiting room, which was a plus. They had a big bus toy thing to play with and a movie on. When the hygienist called us, Anna didn't want to go in because the waiting room was so fun. We finally got her in to the office and into the chair. I was feeling nervous but trying not to show it. The hygienist put on Mickey Mouse clubhouse on a TV mounted on the ceiling and put Anna all the way back in the chair. I sat on a chair near her and rubbed her leg. The hygienist let her pick the flavor of polish and then polished her teeth. Then she flossed her teeth a bit and put on some fluoride foam. The dentist came and checked her teeth and that was it.

Anna didn't want to leave the chair because she was still watching Mickey Mouse but we pried her away with the promise of a sticker and a prize. They had a whole bucket of cheap plastic toys which Anna LOVES and she took her time picking her prize - a camouflage jet fighter plane. Awesome. She also picked a T-Rex sticker. Then we left. The whole appointment probably took about 10 minutes. We are supposed to return every 6 months. I think I can do that.

I leave you with a picture of what Anna's face looked like when I picked her up from school yesterday, as well as a painting she made that they sent home with me. I can't tell you how great it is to have Anna at a school where they actually give parents the art for FREE (not like our last place).

Updates, Pictures

Well, first things first. I had the big talk with Uri this weekend. He even went so far as to read my blog post about my doubts related to a second kid - and he rarely reads the blog so that was big. The thing is, even though I do most of the work, and even though I'm so reluctant to start all over again - all my arguments fade away when I have to face him. He is just so persistent about the second kid thing. It's how he envisions his family and when you look at us as a unit, he's the one with the vision and I'm the one who gets things done day to day. He may not be good at the little nit-picky things in life - but he's really successful at having a vision and seeing it through. I wish I had half his imagination and brazen spirit. So there was lots more to the conversation but the final word is that we're still trying. My attitude is very "come what may" at this point.

Today I have really been thinking about where I want to go with life in general. The last couple weeks I was so absorbed with my landscaping project that I didn't have space in my brain for anything else. Now all I'm doing is maintaining my precious sod and regular stuff around the house and I'm starting to wonder - where am I going? I might actually have time for a hobby, what should it be? I mean, besides landscaping.

In ongoing travel news, we are trekking to the other side of the pond again in 2 weeks. Uri had a conference in Paris so we thought what the hell.  I'm going to attempt to haul our umbrella stroller with me even though I am so big into packing light. We all know how much I love the carrier but Anna is getting to be a lot taller and heavier so I think the stroller will help. We're visiting Brussels, Paris and Paderborn (Germany) which isn't a very touristy place but it's a business destination for Uri so off we go. I haven't been to Paris since I was 11 so I'm really looking forward to it. I hope to be able to rent bikes and see some of the sites that way. We've really been enjoying family bike rides since we got the new bike seat for Anna instead of the rickshaw set up.

Lastly, some pictures (and no, I can't be bothered to crop anything):

Waiting for dad's plane at Encounters, LAX

Too cool

At Gabrielle's 2nd birthday party

mmmm... cake!

I have been washing my hair like crazy and it has faded some

I Prefer to Call it Landscaping

When I started out working on the lawn, I called it gardening. Even recently, I thought of myself as a gardener. But now I have decided that I am a landscaper. Gardening to me is oh hmm, I think I'll plant some cute succulents (which I did, and it's nice):



Landscaping is oh, I'm going to remove this super old rose bush and hack away at these other old random plants with tools and shovels:





Until nothing is left but this nutty bird of paradise:





Which I will give away on Craiglist and help this married couple haul it into a truck at 10:30 at night. Then repair the sprinkler that broke in the process (dudes, I used a hacksaw):



So I can turn that shabby overgrown area it into this:



And this:



Into this:



Uri has been gone this whole time so he really has no idea the immense time and labor that I've put into all this. I mean, I'm sure he'll appreciate it but I know he won't be 1/10 as excited as I am. I did it all for very cheap since I did all the labor myself - $60 for the sod and $14 for the supplies to fix the sprinkler. Getting someone to take that huge bird of paradise away was a score. All I have to say is - a chainsaw was used in the process.

Of course I love having a nice outdoor space - but I think about someone like my old boss - he pays people to do his outdoor space, clean his house, etc. He gets his exercise by biking on mountain trails and going to the gym. I think Uri would agree more with that way of doing things. Am I stupid for doing these back-breaking chores on my own? We're not exactly trying to throw money away so I try to save when I can but this was really difficult labor. Also I was taking care of Anna while I did most of it. You know though, I am really proud of it and I feel good that I know how to fix a sprinkler pipe and do some basic stuff around the yard.

I got some comments on my last gardening post that people were impressed I planted sod. Seriously, that is the EASIEST thing in the whole world. You just put it on the ground and water it. Look, here are some cute little 5 sq ft pieces of sod:



Easy peasy. The hardest tasks in this project were moving about 7 old rose bushes and digging to fully access the broken sprinkler pipe. This morning I called a sprinkler guy to come help but he never called me back and luckily the very nice man who cleans our lagoon walked me through PVC pipe repair. Now I have PVC primer and glue! Maybe I can do a PVC art installment. Ha.

Also, I have a few tidbits that don't really fit in:

Both Uri and I forgot that yesterday was our 4 year anniversary. Way to do it. I pick him up from the airport today so I think I'll mention it but not in an angry way or anything because duh, I forgot too.

And, my hair is brown. WTF. I like it okay but my hair guy is making it hard for me to love him. This is not the dark blonde I keep shooting for.



Enjoy your holiday weekend!

Creeping Doubt

For those of you who've been reading along for a while, my consistent back and forth and back and forth about having another kid is yesterday's news. But it's something I never stop agonizing about. Just as I was hitting the pillow for the night on Mother's Day, a little voice in my head said "do not have another kid". Now, I realize that the little voice in my head was obviously me talking to myself, so I don't know how it's different from all the other waffling I do on the subject. But this was different - it was so clear - this voice that was speaking to me. Some part of me speaking so clearly about my own desires.

Sigh. I have been thinking about it again. About how hard that first year was for me. Most people say that nothing is as hard as the first year with the first kid. And now that I'm not working, maybe it will be even easier still. I am really struggling with it though. Anna is finally old enough to not need constant supervision and things are getting really fun with her. We have a very close relationship and I don't know what adding a sibling to the mix will do.

I used to think people that spaced their kids close were seriously nuts and now I'm so jealous of each and every one of them. To have it all done! To be slogging through it but then be able to say a final goodbye to chopping food into bits, diapers, bottles, all of it. I don't know if I can say hello to all that stuff again.

Traveling is finally fun again! We only need one extra plane ticket and one hotel room with one bed. Everything is simple. I can't imagine toting bottles on a trip again - washing and washing and washing. And the breastfeeding and pumping - ugh. And that's the other thing - there are so many things I know I couldn't do the same for the second child. I know I won't even try pumping and I wouldn't hesitate to abandon breastfeeding much earlier. I made Anna a quilt (heck I made her two) and I don't think I could muster up the time and energy to make the second child a quit. Isn't that sad?

When my period came last week - I was happy, I felt relieved. My sister, who spent lots of time with me when Anna was an infant, happens to agree with my thoughts that one kid might be golden for our family. However my mom and Uri are very in the have another kid camp. But the thing is - my mom and Uri pretty much just get the benefit another kid brings without all the drawbacks that I will experience as the lady on the front lines.

I am afraid to disrupt this peace that I finally have in my soul - this balance that I've brought to my life. Uri is in Israel so I haven't brought it up with him. It's a bad thing to discuss on the phone and honestly I feel it's a bad thing to discuss period. However, since I'm not on birth control it's obviously a thing we really need to address and so I have to bring it up. He comes home Friday so I guess we can hash it out some time this weekend. BLAH. And the worst thing is, the discussion will never be over until we finally just have another kid or get too old to try. DOUBLE BLAH.

Serious Gardening

As renters, there is a balance with working on our place. We don't want to spend too much or alter anything in a way that angers our landlord. But yet, this is still our HOME, where we live every day. I've been learning a lot more about gardening - this is the first time I've had dirt to work with and actually a pretty large area. We have a side yard that at first I just ignored. I thought we had some interesting green grass growing there around the rocks:



Then, that cute grass went crazy-town:



Oops, it was actually weeds. After some serious work with RoundUp and pulling 4 huge bags of weeds, I got it kind of under control. Until it started up again.



Damn this stuff is tough. So last week, I used RoundUp again and then I decided to move all of those annoying little white rocks. My friends, this was a serious undertaking but I did it. Hours of pretty heavy manual labor.



I plan to plant beautiful real grass and some more plants in the side yard.

I also took it to the house on the teeny back yard we have. We had some really old rose bushes planted there. At first I just cut them back and fed them.



But in my growing gardening wisdom, I realized that whole area was a hot weedy mess and in the mean time, Anna scratched herself on a rose bush. I decided all that shit had to GO. (I relocated the rose bushes, I didn't throw them out.)



Boo-YAH! Seriously. This is all so empowering. Then I planted sod.





Yeah! We have a YARD! With more to come. I have to do little bits at a time but I am so proud of all I've done and where this is going so far. Also, who says you have to be in a gym to work out?

Life keeps breezing by...

The older I get, the faster time moves - it's been said many times but it rings so true. It's amazing to me that the year is almost half over. Anna has been having growth spurts physically and mentally. The other day I put on the sandals she's been wearing for almost a year now and her big toe was hanging out the top. Time for new shoes! Also, she's quite a bit taller - seems overnight. I can't pinpoint any one thing but she's definitely a big girl and no longer a baby.

I am so proud of her. Her attitude has changed completely, she takes things with so much more ease. She was always so tightly strung before. I think part of it was that I was so tightly strung too and also that the school day was long for her. She never really napped well or enough so I think she needs more down time during the day than they were able to provide. I can't believe how much she's changed. She is so funny now. Just today she blurted out "mom, I think I'm allergic to traffic lights but I'm not allergic to rocks." Not really sure where that came from but I was cracking up. She says thank you for EVERYTHING and is honestly so appreciative. The other day I made her some plain noodles and she said, "Mmm, thank you mom. Thank you for making these noodles. They are so good and good for my tummy." She says thank you if you give her water, comb her hair, anything. It's so cute and heartwarming.

She had her first day all by herself at her new school and it went pretty well. She was thrilled when I came to pick her up and for me it was fun to have that reunion too. Also, it was so awesome to have an afternoon all alone. Thanks to all of you who spoke out in favor of preschool. I spent my free afternoon picking up some new shoes and clothes for Anna as well as a couple new things for myself. I also stopped by my old work and popped in on two buddies. One of my pals actually asked if I had done botox again. I didn't think quitting work would make a difference to my body physically but the stress has just fallen off.

I've been thinking a lot about being a SAHM now and why it works so well for me. Of course, since I've found something that I think is amazing, my first instinct is to recommend loudly and often that everyone should do exactly this. But I've learned through time that not surprisingly, everyone is not like me and may not want to live just like me. There are some distinct factors in my life that have made this work for me and have also allowed things to be so much better for me:

First, Uri and I did not and never will have a 50/50 relationship or anything like it. I know women usually carry a bit more of the load with kids and the home, but in my case, I was pulling about 90% and now I do about 97%. I mean really, I do it all. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, bedtime, dressing, teeth brushing, meal planning, organizing, gardening, bill paying, whatever. So I only picked up a little more work in the home but by shedding all my work outside the home, I've got so much more leisure time and flexibility. This may seem unfair to some of you. Especially when I was working. Well, I have to tell you, it really sucked. Towards the end of my working days, I was so frustrated with my situation and with Uri. I was seeing red all the time. But he just doesn't have the skill set or attention span for home matters and he is away on business a lot of the time. (He just left today for 9 days.) So this new situation REALLY works for us. I am totally in charge of Anna and our home, and he is totally in charge of providing for us. I love it.

Second, I didn't have a nanny or a mother's helper or anything like that. We started out with a nanny but she didn't work out and I felt burned. We found a daycare that worked okay but it is so difficult to be at work at a specific time and get everything ready and out the door every single day. I did daycare drop off and pick up and prepared everything - clothes, lunch, diaper, um, Anna. It was a lot of hustle. If your husband isn't available to help - it's nice to have a nanny or a mother's helper to assist with all those chores.

It was all just a lot and I was drowning. The situation was not working for our family. I was angry with Uri and not able to be the mom I wanted to be for Anna. My job wasn't all that bad but it was the daily grind - just getting there on time every day - it was bleeding the life out of me.

Uri and I say all the time how we just wish we had done this sooner. I haven't felt the slightest bit angry with him at all since I've officially assumed all home and child duties. I mean, I pretty much did it all anyway but now I do it with pride and happiness because that's my domain. And damn, I am good at it! You should see our sparkling windows! (I even took off the screens to wash them... that is dedication.)

I realize there is another piece of the puzzle: finances. We had to take the leap and decide that Uri's income would be enough when up until that point we had been living with two incomes. It's been amazing that our lifestyle hasn't changed at all without my income. I guess part of that comes from the fact that Anna's school was so darn expensive. My paycheck was almost all allocated to 401K and Anna's school. So yes, I've given up saving for my retirement for now - maybe forever. But if I had the choice again, I would do the same thing. We talk about what would happen if Uri lost his job or if he had to take a lower paying job. Our lives are just so much better this way, I think the best thing would be to live in a cheaper place and tighten our belts. I feel strongly that this is what I'm meant to be doing. All of us are thriving and I am thankful every day for this life. I'm going to do this thing!

Bits and Pieces

I feel like I'm still getting back to normal after being gone and I don't have a cohesive post in my mind. I do, however, have some tidbits. Some interesting, some probably not so much.

• Our big fancy flat screen TV broke. Dang machine won't show anything besides a colorful UPC looking thing. The upside is that Anna has been watching less TV so I'm not sure when I'll get around to replacing it. I am so annoyed that it broke so soon - definitely less than 5 years. Piece of junk. Do not buy a Sony Bravia.

• Today was Anna's first day at her new preschool. I stayed with her and we spent 2 hours there. It went really well. They even made a volcano out of sand, baking soda and vinegar water. She didn't want to leave and can't wait to go back. Next week I will have two afternoons to myself. Holy moly.

• Before we left for our trip, I got really sick from allergies. Terrible infection. My doctor put me on crazy antibiotics as well as steroids. Wow! Steroids! Now I get where the expression "on steroids" comes from. I lost all this weight and the house has never been so clean. I hardly needed any sleep. I have since gained back all the weight and am back to falling asleep by 9:00. Boo. If the long term side effects of steroids weren't so bad, I'd be double dipping. I heart you steroids, I will always remember the good times.

• I have declared Disney season for Anna and me over until the cold weather returns. We tried to hit it up on Monday and it was too hot and crowded. I can't take that heat. Since when have I become a person who loves cloud cover?  

• We are kind of trying to get pregnant.  Not in a huge way like the first time but we're not doing anything to prevent pregnancy. It's a bit scary. I am not a big fan of pregnancy and the first year of having a baby was so, so hard for me. Next month I'm going to try those LH strips to test for ovulation so of course I'll let y'all know how that goes. It feels like jumping off a cliff. I've finally got my life working well and to shake it all up again is difficult. We'll see.

• I love this picture of me in Amsterdam even though I am all squinty. I was going to use it for my FB profile picture but then I thought DANG I LOOK OLD. Seriously, wrinkles much? I am turning 35 this year and man, it's getting to the point where I look at myself, friends on Facebook (not YOU of course) and I think wow, we are not spring chickens anymore. And still? I'm totally fine with that. I used to worry and want more botox and filler and yada yada but I don't know, now I'm super fine with it. I have EARNED THIS FACE DAMN IT.

• So I am selling our rickshaw. I thought it was awesome at first because it was an easy way to tote Anna around while I got some exercise. But whew, it is an incredible amount of exercise. Too much. That is a lot to say coming from someone who carried a 30+ pound child all over Europe on my back/front. The thing is, the bike trailer is pretty heavy and we always have beach breezes which cause so much drag that I can barely make forward progress. It's the opposite of fun. But never fear! I have a new child bike contraption!

Well, that's pretty much it. My mom is coming to stay with us for Mother's Day weekend and she and my step-dad are going to watch Anna on Saturday night - we have an adult night out for another friend hitting 35. Oldsters. Talk soon.

Home Sweet Home

We are back at home! Everyone is still adjusting to the time change - Anna and Uri were up at around 4:30 am today - I slept in until almost 7:00. We also fall asleep early. I am looking forward to getting back on normal time but there is no rush. We have groceries and I've done all the laundry from the trip so I feel like I'm back on track.

I got an email from a friend who had recently traveled with her two kids and was interested to know if I thought the trip was worth it. That is a good question. This trip was much more expensive than we guessed at first - it set us back $6,000 after the business reimbursement and with free tickets for Anna and me with miles. However, I do think it was worth it. Even with our aggressive travel schedule. I think this trip was more of a learning and experiencing trip than a relaxing trip and it worked out well. Anna behaved beautifully - she really enjoyed everything, even the airports, planes and restaurants. Europe was probably a bit more difficult than a beach house or a lake house or somewhere where you can just unpack and stay a week or two. We didn't have a kitchen so most of our meals were from restaurants and we were constantly on the move. The longest we stayed in one place was three nights. But it forced us to travel smart and also - I am no longer worried in the slightest about plane travel with a toddler. The game will change again if we have another baby - traveling with milk/formula and bottles - ugh. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

My favorite memory of the trip is visiting Vondel Park in Amsterdam. It was so beautiful and full of things to see and do around every corner. We just walked around in there and enjoyed the day. 


Finland was a pleasant surprise. I wasn't sure what to expect and I loved every second of it. I felt like I was on the same wavelength with the people there. Anna enjoyed it as well. 

























Well, I feel like I've said enough about it. We decided to go somewhat on a lark and we went and it was great. If you'd like to see our whole album, click below.

Europe 2012