I really dig Valerie Plame Wilson and enjoyed reading her book. My thoughtful friend Cupcake Mama sent me a link about a conference call event yesterday featuring Ms. Wilson herself! Lucky day! I dialed in and got to listen to Valerie speak about her life and career for about an hour. Some of her nuggets of truth were worth repeating so here are my favorites:
On being a working mother:
"Family is the core of it. If you don't have a happy family life, what's the point?"
(I'm) "never good enough,"... "always feel guilty" (Don't we all?! Speak it sister.)
"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did but she did it backwards and wearing heels."
"My new year's resolution is to say no more.... prioritize better."
On career:
"Ask yourself, what are my strengths and weaknesses? What am I good at? Where do I want to be in 5-10 years?"
She's also come to some great conclusions about her entire situation with the administration blowing her cover. She said that it's not about her anymore, she is using the whole experience as a way to get her voice out there and get attention about the things that are important to her; like non-proliferation, government accountability, a strong central intelligence for our country and postpartum depression.
The lunch time conference call was such a great idea - a wonderful way for busy people to get in a little personal growth. Women had called in from some of the most prestigious companies in the country and I was glad that we all got to hear such a motivated and thoughtful woman.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Here I Sit
I love K's blog and I steal ideas from her all the time. A couple of weeks ago, she did a post of what her desk at work looks like. I enjoyed looking at her space as well as the desks of famous people via Vanity Fair.
Does anyone wonder what my desk looks like? Well, if you can believe it, I am about to show you. Here it is:
I have to say the view behind me is more impressive than what I stare at:
But well, it helps me get work done and also it stops people who walk in from immediately seeing my computer screen. See, I'm sneaky like that.
You may be wondering what those black bungee cords stretched all over my bookshelf are. Well, they are earthquake safety cords! Designed to stop objects from flying off the shelves and hitting me. As you can see, so many of the items directly above my head would surely be propelled at an upward angle into the bungee cord and then go flinging back into the shelf instead of at my head. Lenore, I'm sure you'd love these. I succeeded in removing them once and then miraculously they were put back up. You know what, just looking at them here reminds me I'm going to get ballsy and take them down again. Shhh.
Also yes, I have a lot of crap on my desk. I'm going to tell you a secret - it's fake crap. I am a highly organized person and for a few years I kept my desk very clean. I do most of my work on the computer not with pieces of paper and such. But it was very disconcerting to people to come into my office and look at a clean desk. I got all sorts of comments from people about how I must not have anything to do. So I just started randomly crapping up my desk and lo, the comments stopped. What do you guys think? Do I look busy?
I would also like to note that I can see the ocean from my window. You can't see it in the picture but it's there. I know, start hating on me now.
Does anyone wonder what my desk looks like? Well, if you can believe it, I am about to show you. Here it is:
I have to say the view behind me is more impressive than what I stare at:
But well, it helps me get work done and also it stops people who walk in from immediately seeing my computer screen. See, I'm sneaky like that.
You may be wondering what those black bungee cords stretched all over my bookshelf are. Well, they are earthquake safety cords! Designed to stop objects from flying off the shelves and hitting me. As you can see, so many of the items directly above my head would surely be propelled at an upward angle into the bungee cord and then go flinging back into the shelf instead of at my head. Lenore, I'm sure you'd love these. I succeeded in removing them once and then miraculously they were put back up. You know what, just looking at them here reminds me I'm going to get ballsy and take them down again. Shhh.
Also yes, I have a lot of crap on my desk. I'm going to tell you a secret - it's fake crap. I am a highly organized person and for a few years I kept my desk very clean. I do most of my work on the computer not with pieces of paper and such. But it was very disconcerting to people to come into my office and look at a clean desk. I got all sorts of comments from people about how I must not have anything to do. So I just started randomly crapping up my desk and lo, the comments stopped. What do you guys think? Do I look busy?
I would also like to note that I can see the ocean from my window. You can't see it in the picture but it's there. I know, start hating on me now.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Memoir Fans - I've Got a Book For You
The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother
This book is gorgeous. Another gem from the stack of books Wendy gave me and she hasn't even read it yet! (I am giving it back to her because it is so great.) It's one of those books that alternates between two storytellers, one chapter is in James McBride's voice and then the next chapter is told by his mother. She grew up as a Jewish girl in the South and ended up leaving her background and family to marry a black man. She had eight children with her first husband and four with her second husband who was also black.
It's such an interesting story and so beautifully written. I loved hearing about the buzz of Harlem and what it was like to live in New York City from the 40's through the 60's. This book has so much in it - coming of age, feelings of the times, a woman's extraordinary life and family. I have really been lucking out in the book department lately!
And one more recommendation:
Llama Llama Misses Mama
I read about Llama Llama on another mom's blog. I wish I could remember whose and I'd link to it in appreciation. If it was you - drop a line. This book is told in rhyme and it's about a little llama who gets dropped off at preschool/daycare and how he feels about it. I can tell Anna can relate to the llama in the book.
I also bought this one:
Llama Llama Mad at Mama
however, Anna doesn't relate to it as much because we don't do too much shopping together. She does get mad at me though so I thought it would be helpful! I wish they had Llama Llama BITING mama. Yes, we're still working on that.
Enjoy your day!
This book is gorgeous. Another gem from the stack of books Wendy gave me and she hasn't even read it yet! (I am giving it back to her because it is so great.) It's one of those books that alternates between two storytellers, one chapter is in James McBride's voice and then the next chapter is told by his mother. She grew up as a Jewish girl in the South and ended up leaving her background and family to marry a black man. She had eight children with her first husband and four with her second husband who was also black.
It's such an interesting story and so beautifully written. I loved hearing about the buzz of Harlem and what it was like to live in New York City from the 40's through the 60's. This book has so much in it - coming of age, feelings of the times, a woman's extraordinary life and family. I have really been lucking out in the book department lately!
And one more recommendation:
Llama Llama Misses Mama
I read about Llama Llama on another mom's blog. I wish I could remember whose and I'd link to it in appreciation. If it was you - drop a line. This book is told in rhyme and it's about a little llama who gets dropped off at preschool/daycare and how he feels about it. I can tell Anna can relate to the llama in the book.
I also bought this one:
Llama Llama Mad at Mama
however, Anna doesn't relate to it as much because we don't do too much shopping together. She does get mad at me though so I thought it would be helpful! I wish they had Llama Llama BITING mama. Yes, we're still working on that.
Enjoy your day!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
My Mom Likes the Pictures
I learned some interesting lessons yesterday. I'm not sure if I'm even ready to process them all but the thought of that ugly review being front and center of my blog all weekend bugs me. First of all, thank you Erica for pointing out that um, it was 100% my fault that I got my ass handed to me by the reviewer. I did submit my blog to a bunch of people who get an audience by tearing blogs apart. I read their review of my friend April's blog and I thought it was pretty constructive. However, I would not call the review I received constructive.
I think I was judged a lot on appearances and just used as entertainment. It's easier for me to dismiss the whole thing because of just how mean it was. I think one of the other reviewers tried to do some damage control in the comments by attempting to provide some constructive feedback but I think it fell short of the mark as well. If discussing my attempts to find boundaries as an individual, pull myself through PMDD and find meaning in the world after the tsunami is saccharine, I don't want to know what's considered real.
Yes, I have many light-hearted posts and more than a few pictures of my daughter. I've written quite a bit about my boobs but anyone who's tried to breastfeed will know how much your boobs become a thing quite on their own. I am a parent and I love my daughter and my family. I'm not trying to present a skewed view of my life - I try to be honest about all of it. Maybe I don't cuss much or have a bunch of emo whining but I'm an adult and a professional. I have a life outside the blog and I'm careful not to misrepresent myself or say something I wouldn't want to see on the front page of tomorrow's paper - a guideline I learned long ago in ethics class and apply to everything I put down in print.
I'm not a trainwreck on display for all the world to see. I'm a real mother searching for meaning and trying to connect with my family, friends and those of you who actually enjoy my blog. I know there are people who appreciate me and I am thankful for every single comment, phone call and text I've received since yesterday. I've stopped following the supposed blog review site and will seek out more constructive comments on my writing. I do always want to improve but there has got to be a better way.
I think I was judged a lot on appearances and just used as entertainment. It's easier for me to dismiss the whole thing because of just how mean it was. I think one of the other reviewers tried to do some damage control in the comments by attempting to provide some constructive feedback but I think it fell short of the mark as well. If discussing my attempts to find boundaries as an individual, pull myself through PMDD and find meaning in the world after the tsunami is saccharine, I don't want to know what's considered real.
Yes, I have many light-hearted posts and more than a few pictures of my daughter. I've written quite a bit about my boobs but anyone who's tried to breastfeed will know how much your boobs become a thing quite on their own. I am a parent and I love my daughter and my family. I'm not trying to present a skewed view of my life - I try to be honest about all of it. Maybe I don't cuss much or have a bunch of emo whining but I'm an adult and a professional. I have a life outside the blog and I'm careful not to misrepresent myself or say something I wouldn't want to see on the front page of tomorrow's paper - a guideline I learned long ago in ethics class and apply to everything I put down in print.
I'm not a trainwreck on display for all the world to see. I'm a real mother searching for meaning and trying to connect with my family, friends and those of you who actually enjoy my blog. I know there are people who appreciate me and I am thankful for every single comment, phone call and text I've received since yesterday. I've stopped following the supposed blog review site and will seek out more constructive comments on my writing. I do always want to improve but there has got to be a better way.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Ripped Apart
I guess you could say I deserve it because I submitted my blog for a review at Ask And Ye Shall Receive. They aren't always kind but I was hoping for some tips. Their FAQ section is pretty cool and gave me some good ideas.
Well, my blog was definitely not popular with the reviewer, nor the commenters. In fact, it made the reviewer "want to go out and get a hysterectomy" and reaffirmed a commenter's choice to have her tubes cut. So I'm doing my part for global warming at least.
Read it if you like.
Well, my blog was definitely not popular with the reviewer, nor the commenters. In fact, it made the reviewer "want to go out and get a hysterectomy" and reaffirmed a commenter's choice to have her tubes cut. So I'm doing my part for global warming at least.
Read it if you like.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
So Inspirational: Valerie Plame Wilson
Fair Game: How a Top CIA Agent Was Betrayed by Her Own Government
I write how much I love any books on this blog and I have begun to be a magnet for books that people are cleaning out of their homes - awesome! My friend Wendy brought over a huge stack of books and she recommended Fair Game as one she really liked.
This book was so great. I loved it because I was able to relate to Valerie so easily. Yes, because my life is very similar to that of a covert CIA spy. This book not only covers the events surrounding the administration blowing her cover, it also covers her personal life including being a working mother of twins. So many of the feelings she had as mother were similar to mine; the initial panic of having a newborn (two for her) and the relief of going back to work. She mentioned that she suffered from Postpartum Depression and how it was easily diagnosed with a simple screening test. I remember taking a similar test in my Mommy & Me class and feeling very borderline about it. I reached out to my Mommy & Me group leader but she was noncommittal about it. I ended up backing away from further counseling and now I wish I hadn't. It was so great to hear of a successful, put-together woman having some of the same troubles as me.
After reading this book, I mostly want to give Valerie a high five. Power to the people!
I write how much I love any books on this blog and I have begun to be a magnet for books that people are cleaning out of their homes - awesome! My friend Wendy brought over a huge stack of books and she recommended Fair Game as one she really liked.
This book was so great. I loved it because I was able to relate to Valerie so easily. Yes, because my life is very similar to that of a covert CIA spy. This book not only covers the events surrounding the administration blowing her cover, it also covers her personal life including being a working mother of twins. So many of the feelings she had as mother were similar to mine; the initial panic of having a newborn (two for her) and the relief of going back to work. She mentioned that she suffered from Postpartum Depression and how it was easily diagnosed with a simple screening test. I remember taking a similar test in my Mommy & Me class and feeling very borderline about it. I reached out to my Mommy & Me group leader but she was noncommittal about it. I ended up backing away from further counseling and now I wish I hadn't. It was so great to hear of a successful, put-together woman having some of the same troubles as me.
After reading this book, I mostly want to give Valerie a high five. Power to the people!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Just For Me
So today I am doing something special just for me. Actually, I'm going to be doing it every other week for the foreseeable future. I am going to parent/life coaching sessions with an awesome developmental psychologist. It's so great for me.
I found her because I was reading yet another parenting book (lord, help me) and so much of it was clicking with me. I looked on the back of the book to find out more about the author and lo! She is in LA! I thought she was in the valley but I looked her up online and she is just over the freeway in Westwood. I called her, she called me back and I set an appointment. Easy as pie.
She has already given me so many concrete ideas about things I can do to be a better parent - for me, most of those things are creating time and space for myself. I really have trouble with that. Since I saw her last, I have already exercised on the treadmill (this is big for me), ran an errand ALONE, and set up a playdate for Anna without us being there. Also I set up a night away for Uri and I without Anna. I know, it sounds like all I'm doing is setting up time without Anna but you guys have to understand, I really haven't had much time to myself for the past 19 months.
When I started back to work, I gave up my lunch hour so that I could spend more time at the end of the day with Anna. I have started to realize that I need that time to myself - time where I'm not being an employee, a wife or a mother. I am taking back some of that time and using it to exercise. It took my coach telling me to do it before I could actually take that step. She says socialization is really great for Anna right now anyway - so it's a win-win.
At the end of our first session I was still a little worked up. I could tell she was concerned and she just told me to BREATHE. I feel like I am getting so much more of a grasp on things. Sometimes I feel like being a parent should be a really natural thing so why am I reading all these books and meeting with a coach? But it helps me so much, I am just going to accept it.
I found her because I was reading yet another parenting book (lord, help me) and so much of it was clicking with me. I looked on the back of the book to find out more about the author and lo! She is in LA! I thought she was in the valley but I looked her up online and she is just over the freeway in Westwood. I called her, she called me back and I set an appointment. Easy as pie.
She has already given me so many concrete ideas about things I can do to be a better parent - for me, most of those things are creating time and space for myself. I really have trouble with that. Since I saw her last, I have already exercised on the treadmill (this is big for me), ran an errand ALONE, and set up a playdate for Anna without us being there. Also I set up a night away for Uri and I without Anna. I know, it sounds like all I'm doing is setting up time without Anna but you guys have to understand, I really haven't had much time to myself for the past 19 months.
When I started back to work, I gave up my lunch hour so that I could spend more time at the end of the day with Anna. I have started to realize that I need that time to myself - time where I'm not being an employee, a wife or a mother. I am taking back some of that time and using it to exercise. It took my coach telling me to do it before I could actually take that step. She says socialization is really great for Anna right now anyway - so it's a win-win.
At the end of our first session I was still a little worked up. I could tell she was concerned and she just told me to BREATHE. I feel like I am getting so much more of a grasp on things. Sometimes I feel like being a parent should be a really natural thing so why am I reading all these books and meeting with a coach? But it helps me so much, I am just going to accept it.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Baby Dance Party
First, I am a little less stressed today - yay. I am sleeping a little better and just trying to have a larger perspective on everything. Uri and I have a little romantic couples' night planned for April 2 and I'm looking forward to that. Our first night TOGETHER away from Anna since she was born. Can you believe that? Up until now, one of us has been with her but on April 2 my mom is going to have her without us being there. I'm sure it will be fine. We're staying here, it got kind of panned on TripAdvisor recently but it reminds me of this place we stayed at on our honeymoon so I'm into it. We're just going to chill, drink wine and be alone together.
Anyhoo.
On Saturday night, we had Cupcake Mama's LO over for a little baby party. Although I love our babysitter and babysitters in general, it is very expensive around these here parts - to the tune of $16 an hour. Cupcake Mama was looking for someone for Saturday night and I just said - dang, drop her off at our house with your pack n play and we'll do it up. It was actually SO FUN. We love the Bean (nickname for Cupcake Mama's daughter) and Anna had so much fun hanging out with her. They really entertained each other and both ate big dinners because they were eating together. It was so cute. After dinner we went and partied in Anna's room, playing our super fun CD of crazy nursery rhymes. Bean showed Anna how it was done - that girl has some real natural rhythm. I wish I had taken a video of it but you can see Bean dancing it up here. (Totally worth the click, by the way.) It's really funny because Anna is kind of borrowing from Bean's dance style - she pushes out her booty and bends her knees - it really cracks me up. They both were looking in the mirror too which made it even more hilarious. I promise I'll get a video next time.
We put both girls in the bath together and I do have video of that but I'm not sure if it's too naked for the web in general. You can't see any girl parts but um, I'm just not sure. I'll have to discuss with Cupcake Mama. If there is anything cuter than two babies in the bath together I just don't know what it is. They were having so much fun. It was a little touch and go getting two kids to bed at the same time but Bean is so easy that Uri was able to put her down. He asked me - is this what most babies are like? Because let me tell you, Anna fights sleep like no other. Naps, bedtime, you name it - putting that girl down is a SKILL. Bean was just like - oh, hey, this milk is good. I love my paci and my lovie. I'm going to lie here and happily look around a bit before falling asleep, even though I am in a different bed in a different place - it's all good. Bless her mellow little soul.
I am starting to see how having a little brother or sister could be actually very great for Anna and for our family. Anna is a wonderful person but like her mama she is very intense. Having the Bean around just lightened up the whole evening and made things much more delightful. Seriously Cupcake Mama better watch out because I want to steal her forever. Anyway, it does help me feel more confident with the decision to remove the goalie around August or so.
Oh - and I have a quick tip for everyone... check out this awesome website. You can register to receive cool monthly emails relevant to your own child's developmental age. They are great to read though and chock full of helpful parenting tips. Just great to ponder for a few moments each month. Also, it's free! Have a wonderful week.
Anyhoo.
On Saturday night, we had Cupcake Mama's LO over for a little baby party. Although I love our babysitter and babysitters in general, it is very expensive around these here parts - to the tune of $16 an hour. Cupcake Mama was looking for someone for Saturday night and I just said - dang, drop her off at our house with your pack n play and we'll do it up. It was actually SO FUN. We love the Bean (nickname for Cupcake Mama's daughter) and Anna had so much fun hanging out with her. They really entertained each other and both ate big dinners because they were eating together. It was so cute. After dinner we went and partied in Anna's room, playing our super fun CD of crazy nursery rhymes. Bean showed Anna how it was done - that girl has some real natural rhythm. I wish I had taken a video of it but you can see Bean dancing it up here. (Totally worth the click, by the way.) It's really funny because Anna is kind of borrowing from Bean's dance style - she pushes out her booty and bends her knees - it really cracks me up. They both were looking in the mirror too which made it even more hilarious. I promise I'll get a video next time.
We put both girls in the bath together and I do have video of that but I'm not sure if it's too naked for the web in general. You can't see any girl parts but um, I'm just not sure. I'll have to discuss with Cupcake Mama. If there is anything cuter than two babies in the bath together I just don't know what it is. They were having so much fun. It was a little touch and go getting two kids to bed at the same time but Bean is so easy that Uri was able to put her down. He asked me - is this what most babies are like? Because let me tell you, Anna fights sleep like no other. Naps, bedtime, you name it - putting that girl down is a SKILL. Bean was just like - oh, hey, this milk is good. I love my paci and my lovie. I'm going to lie here and happily look around a bit before falling asleep, even though I am in a different bed in a different place - it's all good. Bless her mellow little soul.
I am starting to see how having a little brother or sister could be actually very great for Anna and for our family. Anna is a wonderful person but like her mama she is very intense. Having the Bean around just lightened up the whole evening and made things much more delightful. Seriously Cupcake Mama better watch out because I want to steal her forever. Anyway, it does help me feel more confident with the decision to remove the goalie around August or so.
Oh - and I have a quick tip for everyone... check out this awesome website. You can register to receive cool monthly emails relevant to your own child's developmental age. They are great to read though and chock full of helpful parenting tips. Just great to ponder for a few moments each month. Also, it's free! Have a wonderful week.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Out with a thud.
This week is over and I can feel it in my shoulders. I am so tense, bleck. I have to say, along with the Japan and world problems thing - I also have been thinking pretty intensely about some personal issues. I have been taking some steps to blow off some steam and shake some of the tenseness but it still comes and goes. I haven't been sleeping well, and I just feel generally ick. To top it all off, I have this really weird, once in a lifetime rash. It looks strange and itches. No one knows the cause either. Super awesome mystery rash and of course I have to get it. I am really hoping it's gone before Anna's spring break because I am going to scare everyone at the pool if I chill with this rash. We're going to Miami (yay) and staying in a very spectacular condo building. So I am looking forward to that - rash or no rash.
Although things have been a bit gloom and doom, I'm still making plans for shenanigans in the future and that includes The Blathering (again). Those girls do a superb job planning and I've convinced some of my special bloggy buds to go as well. I am calling you guys out so no flakesies:
Well, Anna is asleep, Uri is out for drinks with a pal, and I... well, stick a fork in me because I am DONE. I am trying to decide whether to read a little or just go straight to bed. Methinks I hear the sheets calling...
Although things have been a bit gloom and doom, I'm still making plans for shenanigans in the future and that includes The Blathering (again). Those girls do a superb job planning and I've convinced some of my special bloggy buds to go as well. I am calling you guys out so no flakesies:
- K
- Hillary & Michelle
- Cupcake Mama
- Erica (who's daughter's name is also Anna, WTF)
Well, Anna is asleep, Uri is out for drinks with a pal, and I... well, stick a fork in me because I am DONE. I am trying to decide whether to read a little or just go straight to bed. Methinks I hear the sheets calling...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Hi, it's me.
Hello folks. It's been a week since I've posted last. Things have been a little nutty. I have to say that I have been really affected by the quake, tsunami and nuclear emergency in Japan. I haven't been to Japan and I don't personally know anyone there but the devastation there is heart-breaking. A few of my blog friends do know people there and I have been grateful for the updates and the personalization of this huge tragedy. One of Anna's teachers at school is from Japan and thankfully she has been able to account for all her family. It's going to be a long haul to get back to normal there and still things are so unstable on the coast.
I feel like our planet has just been hit with so much disaster - it's been just over a year since the quake in Haiti, and New Orleans still hasn't recovered from Hurricane Katrina. Add this to all the revolution in the Middle East - it's just so much to think about.
I have a hard time knowing what to do when I hear about all this disaster and unrest. Of course I donate some money, but is me throwing a Benjamin or two at any of these situations really going to make any difference? Even if I donated my whole salary - would that make a difference? I don't know. I would love to personally DO something - I remember for Haiti we donated used shoes. That felt a little more concrete than just money but also such a small sacrifice. There are so many problems everywhere to ponder but also we have trouble right here at home. In Santa Monica, we have so many chronic homeless - how do I help there? Cupcake Mama adopts a Los Angeles family for the holidays - so many kids who need so much. It's overwhelming.
What I usually do is just donate some money and then move on with life. I try to be a good parent to Anna and show kindness to the people I interact with. I guess it doesn't help anyone if I'm paralyzed with sadness about all the suffering in the world. But there is just so much suffering.
If anyone has any good ideas on how to help those in need locally or globally - tell me what you do. Tell me how you're doing with processing all this news too.
I feel like our planet has just been hit with so much disaster - it's been just over a year since the quake in Haiti, and New Orleans still hasn't recovered from Hurricane Katrina. Add this to all the revolution in the Middle East - it's just so much to think about.
I have a hard time knowing what to do when I hear about all this disaster and unrest. Of course I donate some money, but is me throwing a Benjamin or two at any of these situations really going to make any difference? Even if I donated my whole salary - would that make a difference? I don't know. I would love to personally DO something - I remember for Haiti we donated used shoes. That felt a little more concrete than just money but also such a small sacrifice. There are so many problems everywhere to ponder but also we have trouble right here at home. In Santa Monica, we have so many chronic homeless - how do I help there? Cupcake Mama adopts a Los Angeles family for the holidays - so many kids who need so much. It's overwhelming.
What I usually do is just donate some money and then move on with life. I try to be a good parent to Anna and show kindness to the people I interact with. I guess it doesn't help anyone if I'm paralyzed with sadness about all the suffering in the world. But there is just so much suffering.
If anyone has any good ideas on how to help those in need locally or globally - tell me what you do. Tell me how you're doing with processing all this news too.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Enlightened
Wow. Today I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. Somehow, it has just all come together for me; I feel like I've reached a new plane of consciousness. I'm sure it will wear off eventually and I'll come back to living in the now but I'm really enjoying this state of enlightenment. I feel like Scrooge on Christmas morning.
As everyone knows and undoubtedly some of you are bored by, I have been thinking a lot about parenting. I've been reading Parenting From the Inside Out but most of my parenting thoughts are related to RIE. I get my ideas from a few key places:
Last night, I had a challenging moment with Anna that I worked through and I could actually SEE it clicking in her head. It was so amazing and I could feel it bring the two of us closer together. This is cheesy but it was like in the Avatar movie - "I see you".
One of the hardest things for both me and Uri as parents is setting limits with Anna and saying no to her. We just love her so much and want to give her everything in the world. But we both know that limits are important to Anna and it gives her a feeling of security knowing that we are looking out for her and creating order in her world. But it's HARD. It's hard when she cries because we've taken something away or won't give her something she wants. But she needs to learn to listen to us for her own safety because sometimes her judgment isn't strong enough - she still needs to learn that fire is hot and cars can run you over.
Last night Anna wanted to watch a few of the movies we have of her. We have some of her playing in the water at the beach, playing with my mom's dog, etc. I am fine with playing these for her but I don't want it to take up the entire night. After watching these few movies for what seemed like forever, I told her it was time to put the computer away. Of course, she got VERY upset. I told her that it was okay to be upset and that I know she wants to watch the movies but it's not time to watch them: she could have choices, like reading a book or playing with play doh - but nothing was helping. She was crying, reaching towards the computer on the desk, even trying to bite the desk at times (kind of funny but also sad.) I took my time with it. After I offered her choices and she declined, I told her I was going to feed the cats - which is usually one of her favorite activities. She did not want to help. She continued crying and reaching for the computer and saying "watch movie?? watch movie??". I told her it's okay to be upset and that I know she still wanted to watch but it was not time to watch movies anymore, we had watched enough. I fed the cats to give her some time and then came back.
At this point she is STILL really upset and crying - this is hard for her and it's hard for me. I look her in the eyes and talk to her more, telling her it's okay to be sad but we can't watch the movies anymore. I told her we could read a book and she asked "I love you froo froo?" (Which is one of her favorite books, I Love You Through and Through.) Of course, she is still crying at this point and asking to watch movies. But I heard that I had a window with the book. The book is wonderful, it shows a little boy and talks about how he is loved when he's happy, when he's sad, etc. etc. As we were reading through the book I took my time with the part about loving her sad side, her mad side and I swear I saw it click. I could tell that she saw that she was sad and crying just like the little boy in the book but that I still loved her and things were okay. It was just this huge beautiful testament to the power of love, it really was.
After reading the book, she calmed down and we proceeded to read lots more books - one of our favorite evening activities. I felt like we were really connected that whole night - like we had come through something together - which we had. It's these little moments filled with beauty that make it all worth it.
As everyone knows and undoubtedly some of you are bored by, I have been thinking a lot about parenting. I've been reading Parenting From the Inside Out but most of my parenting thoughts are related to RIE. I get my ideas from a few key places:
- Learning by the example set at The Growing Place
- Janet Lansbury's Website
- The works of Magda Gerber (Dear Parent, Your Self-Confident Baby)
- Another RIE Book (1,2,3 The Toddler Years)
- And lately, a new find thanks to Janet, Little River School Online
Last night, I had a challenging moment with Anna that I worked through and I could actually SEE it clicking in her head. It was so amazing and I could feel it bring the two of us closer together. This is cheesy but it was like in the Avatar movie - "I see you".
One of the hardest things for both me and Uri as parents is setting limits with Anna and saying no to her. We just love her so much and want to give her everything in the world. But we both know that limits are important to Anna and it gives her a feeling of security knowing that we are looking out for her and creating order in her world. But it's HARD. It's hard when she cries because we've taken something away or won't give her something she wants. But she needs to learn to listen to us for her own safety because sometimes her judgment isn't strong enough - she still needs to learn that fire is hot and cars can run you over.
Last night Anna wanted to watch a few of the movies we have of her. We have some of her playing in the water at the beach, playing with my mom's dog, etc. I am fine with playing these for her but I don't want it to take up the entire night. After watching these few movies for what seemed like forever, I told her it was time to put the computer away. Of course, she got VERY upset. I told her that it was okay to be upset and that I know she wants to watch the movies but it's not time to watch them: she could have choices, like reading a book or playing with play doh - but nothing was helping. She was crying, reaching towards the computer on the desk, even trying to bite the desk at times (kind of funny but also sad.) I took my time with it. After I offered her choices and she declined, I told her I was going to feed the cats - which is usually one of her favorite activities. She did not want to help. She continued crying and reaching for the computer and saying "watch movie?? watch movie??". I told her it's okay to be upset and that I know she still wanted to watch but it was not time to watch movies anymore, we had watched enough. I fed the cats to give her some time and then came back.
At this point she is STILL really upset and crying - this is hard for her and it's hard for me. I look her in the eyes and talk to her more, telling her it's okay to be sad but we can't watch the movies anymore. I told her we could read a book and she asked "I love you froo froo?" (Which is one of her favorite books, I Love You Through and Through.) Of course, she is still crying at this point and asking to watch movies. But I heard that I had a window with the book. The book is wonderful, it shows a little boy and talks about how he is loved when he's happy, when he's sad, etc. etc. As we were reading through the book I took my time with the part about loving her sad side, her mad side and I swear I saw it click. I could tell that she saw that she was sad and crying just like the little boy in the book but that I still loved her and things were okay. It was just this huge beautiful testament to the power of love, it really was.
After reading the book, she calmed down and we proceeded to read lots more books - one of our favorite evening activities. I felt like we were really connected that whole night - like we had come through something together - which we had. It's these little moments filled with beauty that make it all worth it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Awww...
This just in - Liv's mom sent me a picture of the girls going to say goodbye to bottles yesterday (thank you!!). Looks like Liv has the right idea and Anna got sidetracked on the way but I'm so happy to have a picture to commemorate the big event...
She's Growing Up
Last year when Anna had just started at the Growing Place, I remember seeing another child say "goodbye to bottles". It's a big deal for the kids - they pack up all their bottles from their drawer, put them in a bag, then bring them to the office and say goodbye to them. From that point on, they only drink milk or water from cups at meal time. Yesterday, Anna and her friend Livvy Lou (Liv) said goodbye to bottles together. I walked in to the office on the way to pick her up and saw the little bag of old bottles. I knew this was coming up but it drew the breath out of me. I flashed back to last year when I saw this big, walking and talking toddler saying goodbye to bottles and now that's MY baby.
Oh goodness, she's getting so big and independent. I wish I could say we've said goodbye to bottles at home but well, we're still going strong with them. She drinks one or two (or three - I water them down) in the morning, she drinks part of one on the way to school, she drinks one on the way home from school, when she gets home from school - shoot - at home we are very bottle oriented. I'm not going to push it right now.
Another change we've had is at bath time. We started out with the bath bucket:
Graduated to the euro bath:
Then to sitting in the big tub with either mommy or daddy to make sure she didn't stand up or slide around too much:
Suddenly, this weekend, she told me to get out of the bath once she had gotten in. Same thing to Uri the next day. So now she takes a bath in the big tub all by herself. She decided that she was ready and that was that!
My cup runneth over.
Oh goodness, she's getting so big and independent. I wish I could say we've said goodbye to bottles at home but well, we're still going strong with them. She drinks one or two (or three - I water them down) in the morning, she drinks part of one on the way to school, she drinks one on the way home from school, when she gets home from school - shoot - at home we are very bottle oriented. I'm not going to push it right now.
Another change we've had is at bath time. We started out with the bath bucket:
Graduated to the euro bath:
Then to sitting in the big tub with either mommy or daddy to make sure she didn't stand up or slide around too much:
Suddenly, this weekend, she told me to get out of the bath once she had gotten in. Same thing to Uri the next day. So now she takes a bath in the big tub all by herself. She decided that she was ready and that was that!
My cup runneth over.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Parenting From the Inside Out
I always say to myself - "I am going to stop reading books about parenting." Sometimes I feel like I am taking in too much information which makes me worry too much about every little thing I'm doing. But well, I love reading and I'm so interested in Anna's development and in doing the best I can. So when I see a book recommendation I often check it out. Plus Amazon Prime is so darn gratifying when you can get the book in two days.
My latest read has been this:
Parenting From the Inside Out
I am not finished with this one yet but it offers a different perspective from many of the other parenting books that I've read. This book is very psychology heavy and deals a lot with thinking of your own childhood and how that shapes you as a parent. It talks about how to foster a secure attachment relationship with your child.
There are a bunch of interesting exercises at the end of every chapter. I haven't begun to write things out from the exercises yet but I think I'll actually try a few of them.
One part that has resonated with me has been the discussion of "low road" and "high road" thinking. There are different parts of your brain that you use for different functions and sometimes children can really push your buttons which causes you to shift into low road thinking. At this point you are too emotional and not being mindful of the whole situation. This can cause parents to yell, say mean things to children, basically it takes you out of a good parenting zone and puts you where you can do and say things you'll regret. I admit that sometimes Anna's persistence has pushed me close to my own low road where I lost my grip a bit.
In fact, just this past week, she was driving me nuts by pulling the straw out of her cup and putting it back in, over and over. She had a cup of milk and every time she pulled the straw out it would get milk all over everything. I was trying to be very patient and explain to her that we drink with the straw down in the cup but at one point I just lost it. I took the cup away and told her she couldn't have it and then I just walked away and told Uri to deal with her because I couldn't. The book does recommend taking yourself out of the situation when you click over to low road processing and I can see why. I am glad I walked away and let Uri deal with her. I know it's harder when you're by yourself but I guess if Uri wasn't home I could have just left her alone for a minute while I regained composure. I wish I would have realized I was getting angry before I took the cup away from her because I don't know how helpful that was.
I am sure all you parents out there know how a kid can push your buttons! I hope that by reading through this book and working through the exercises, I can help myself to be more mindful and follow the high road with my thinking as much as possible. To me thinking about the high road melds really well with my striving to follow the principles of RIE - respect for infants and toddlers. I always try to be patient and respectful of Anna and realize that she's learning everything about the world from scratch and isn't trying to push my buttons. She's trying to develop her own sense of self and to figure out where she fits in in the world. I feel like the best way I can teach her to be a patient and respectful person is to show her through my own actions. It isn't always easy so having more tools that help me to do that is great.
Another great point the book makes is that being a parent is a privilege and a journey; it's an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a person and grow. I definitely see that in my own life. I am grateful for this chance to be a mother and I feel like it has already changed me so much and will only continue to do so.
Well, anyway, I think this book is worth taking a look at both for parents and for those that are thinking about embarking on the parenting journey. It's always good to reflect on yourself and come to terms with your story. Enjoy your day everyone!
My latest read has been this:
Parenting From the Inside Out
I am not finished with this one yet but it offers a different perspective from many of the other parenting books that I've read. This book is very psychology heavy and deals a lot with thinking of your own childhood and how that shapes you as a parent. It talks about how to foster a secure attachment relationship with your child.
There are a bunch of interesting exercises at the end of every chapter. I haven't begun to write things out from the exercises yet but I think I'll actually try a few of them.
One part that has resonated with me has been the discussion of "low road" and "high road" thinking. There are different parts of your brain that you use for different functions and sometimes children can really push your buttons which causes you to shift into low road thinking. At this point you are too emotional and not being mindful of the whole situation. This can cause parents to yell, say mean things to children, basically it takes you out of a good parenting zone and puts you where you can do and say things you'll regret. I admit that sometimes Anna's persistence has pushed me close to my own low road where I lost my grip a bit.
In fact, just this past week, she was driving me nuts by pulling the straw out of her cup and putting it back in, over and over. She had a cup of milk and every time she pulled the straw out it would get milk all over everything. I was trying to be very patient and explain to her that we drink with the straw down in the cup but at one point I just lost it. I took the cup away and told her she couldn't have it and then I just walked away and told Uri to deal with her because I couldn't. The book does recommend taking yourself out of the situation when you click over to low road processing and I can see why. I am glad I walked away and let Uri deal with her. I know it's harder when you're by yourself but I guess if Uri wasn't home I could have just left her alone for a minute while I regained composure. I wish I would have realized I was getting angry before I took the cup away from her because I don't know how helpful that was.
I am sure all you parents out there know how a kid can push your buttons! I hope that by reading through this book and working through the exercises, I can help myself to be more mindful and follow the high road with my thinking as much as possible. To me thinking about the high road melds really well with my striving to follow the principles of RIE - respect for infants and toddlers. I always try to be patient and respectful of Anna and realize that she's learning everything about the world from scratch and isn't trying to push my buttons. She's trying to develop her own sense of self and to figure out where she fits in in the world. I feel like the best way I can teach her to be a patient and respectful person is to show her through my own actions. It isn't always easy so having more tools that help me to do that is great.
Another great point the book makes is that being a parent is a privilege and a journey; it's an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a person and grow. I definitely see that in my own life. I am grateful for this chance to be a mother and I feel like it has already changed me so much and will only continue to do so.
Well, anyway, I think this book is worth taking a look at both for parents and for those that are thinking about embarking on the parenting journey. It's always good to reflect on yourself and come to terms with your story. Enjoy your day everyone!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Cruising Abbot Kinney
PS - she kept getting called a boy today. Clearly strangers don't pay attention to detail because I doubt a boy would wear socks with pink hearts on them but whatever.
Mom Hair - I get it.
It always starts the same.... wedding day ... long flowing locks:
Here I am on our honeymoon - a picture of Rapunzel:
Then, well, I got pregnant, some of that hair had to go:
I got MORE pregnant, I had to get rid of more of it (seriously at this point I am like oh hell no, my feet don't even fit in any shoes):
Then I had a precious little baby and give me a break, I didn't even comb my hair:
Then I started getting it together a little - I may have even used a curling iron here:
Then I had a dumb idea to cut my own bangs like Rebecca Wolfe... note to self... don't ever do that again (she is not only younger than me she's way hipper and probably wouldn't dress her baby in matching camo but whatever her loss on that one):
Once I had the bang hack job, I didn't care anymore so I just kept going shorter (notice the bobby pin cover ups):
And hey! Short hair was easier so I went even shorter:
At this point, I run into my wedding photographer at a party and the guy actually says "hey, going for the mom look huh?" Nice, jerk off.
And I didn't stop there, I cut off even more ...
And now I hardly have anything left...
So today after going from pretty long hair to almost no hair at all, I have to say, I love it. It's funny because I think my hair actually looks better a little longer - one haircut ago - but it's so much easier now that I don't want to grow it out. People, easy hair is AWESOME. I have MOM HAIR and I don't even give a shit. You know when you cut your hair and no one comments on it? Probably because they don't have any compliments? That's where I am right now (and no I am not fishing for compliments, generous people of the internet). I know it looked better a little longer but I don't know if I can bring myself to grow it back out. Even though it was still pretty easy then, it's nothing like how easy it is right now. Seriously the back doesn't even need a round brush - it's not even long enough for a round brush. Today I woke up and just brushed it through once and walked out of the house! I didn't even wear a hat. It was really awesome.
My mom is back to asking me if I have any root lifter, which I feel like she does when she wants my hair to be well, MORE than it is. And yes, most of my family works much harder on their hair and uses many more products than I do:
It's like, am I even related to these people with their flair? I guess I AM wearing sequins. At least.
So anyway,
Thank you for reading through this whole post about my hair. I don't even know where I'm trying to go with it except that I wanted to say MOM HAIR. So there, mom hair.
I guess I needed something to go with my mini van:
Happy Friday to one and all. Enjoy the weekend - cut your hair! Or don't. But let me tell you - cutting your hair is green because it takes less shampoo and water to wash it and less electricity to dry it. So I'm doing it for the planet!
OK really, I'm done talking about this. Forever. Well, I hope.
Um, thanks. Bye.
Here I am on our honeymoon - a picture of Rapunzel:
Then, well, I got pregnant, some of that hair had to go:
I got MORE pregnant, I had to get rid of more of it (seriously at this point I am like oh hell no, my feet don't even fit in any shoes):
Then I had a precious little baby and give me a break, I didn't even comb my hair:
Then I started getting it together a little - I may have even used a curling iron here:
Then I had a dumb idea to cut my own bangs like Rebecca Wolfe... note to self... don't ever do that again (she is not only younger than me she's way hipper and probably wouldn't dress her baby in matching camo but whatever her loss on that one):
Once I had the bang hack job, I didn't care anymore so I just kept going shorter (notice the bobby pin cover ups):
And hey! Short hair was easier so I went even shorter:
At this point, I run into my wedding photographer at a party and the guy actually says "hey, going for the mom look huh?" Nice, jerk off.
And I didn't stop there, I cut off even more ...
And now I hardly have anything left...
So today after going from pretty long hair to almost no hair at all, I have to say, I love it. It's funny because I think my hair actually looks better a little longer - one haircut ago - but it's so much easier now that I don't want to grow it out. People, easy hair is AWESOME. I have MOM HAIR and I don't even give a shit. You know when you cut your hair and no one comments on it? Probably because they don't have any compliments? That's where I am right now (and no I am not fishing for compliments, generous people of the internet). I know it looked better a little longer but I don't know if I can bring myself to grow it back out. Even though it was still pretty easy then, it's nothing like how easy it is right now. Seriously the back doesn't even need a round brush - it's not even long enough for a round brush. Today I woke up and just brushed it through once and walked out of the house! I didn't even wear a hat. It was really awesome.
My mom is back to asking me if I have any root lifter, which I feel like she does when she wants my hair to be well, MORE than it is. And yes, most of my family works much harder on their hair and uses many more products than I do:
It's like, am I even related to these people with their flair? I guess I AM wearing sequins. At least.
So anyway,
Thank you for reading through this whole post about my hair. I don't even know where I'm trying to go with it except that I wanted to say MOM HAIR. So there, mom hair.
I guess I needed something to go with my mini van:
Happy Friday to one and all. Enjoy the weekend - cut your hair! Or don't. But let me tell you - cutting your hair is green because it takes less shampoo and water to wash it and less electricity to dry it. So I'm doing it for the planet!
OK really, I'm done talking about this. Forever. Well, I hope.
Um, thanks. Bye.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Shredder Babe Days
Before I got pregnant, I was a decent snowboarder:
Uri and I used to go riding quite often, he had a season pass to Mammoth - so this was one of favorite winter activities.
Now, I'm not so sure about it.
The thing is, boarding can be a dangerous activity. One of my coworkers fell in a terrain park and lost the use of his legs - permanently. I know too many people who've suffered concussions, broken bones or fallen into tree wells. At first I thought the solution would be to switch to skiing but that doesn't exactly have a clean record either.
When I was pregnant, it was clearly off-limits and during Anna's first year it was just something that didn't cross my mind. Uri went once last season and got hurt - I worry about him getting hurt even more than myself because he is a much more aggressive rider. But riding is not only dangerous, it's also a very expensive hobby. Lift tickets are around $100 and somehow you have to get to the mountain, find a place to stay, as well as buy lunch, dinner and of course drinks. Wouldn't be the mountains without a Sierra Nevada. Don't even get me started on the price of lessons for Anna when she's old enough.
I turn the question over to you - thoughtful people of the Internet:
Uri and I used to go riding quite often, he had a season pass to Mammoth - so this was one of favorite winter activities.
Now, I'm not so sure about it.
The thing is, boarding can be a dangerous activity. One of my coworkers fell in a terrain park and lost the use of his legs - permanently. I know too many people who've suffered concussions, broken bones or fallen into tree wells. At first I thought the solution would be to switch to skiing but that doesn't exactly have a clean record either.
When I was pregnant, it was clearly off-limits and during Anna's first year it was just something that didn't cross my mind. Uri went once last season and got hurt - I worry about him getting hurt even more than myself because he is a much more aggressive rider. But riding is not only dangerous, it's also a very expensive hobby. Lift tickets are around $100 and somehow you have to get to the mountain, find a place to stay, as well as buy lunch, dinner and of course drinks. Wouldn't be the mountains without a Sierra Nevada. Don't even get me started on the price of lessons for Anna when she's old enough.
I turn the question over to you - thoughtful people of the Internet:
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Anna Bring Soap?
Lately Anna has been very obsessed with a little pump dispenser we have. She hasn't figured out how to pump it out yet (thank goodness) but she spends a lot of time carrying it around and pretending to clean things. She "washes" her face, Russel's face (our cat), Daddy's face, and just loves it in general. Today she wanted to bring it with her to school.
Only problem?
It's not soap.
Only problem?
It's not soap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)