Uri and I had some tough talks this weekend. With Anna's second birthday fast approaching, I haven't felt like the timing is right to start trying for another baby. Uri wants another for sure and well, I go back and forth. My biggest reason for wanting another is how much I love my sister and I want that kind of relationship for Anna's life. But there is no guarantee that siblings will be besties or even friends at all.
The reason we've decided to wait at this time is because I feel like my resources are completely tapped in taking care of Anna. Uri helps as much as he can but he admits that I shoulder much of the load - just with our schedules as they are. He had some suggestions - like getting a nanny or working less days but I don't feel that those are solutions for us right now. I just think Anna is going through a tougher phase and it takes all that I have to get through it in one piece.
In Anna's defense, she has been a lot better. This weekend was a huge improvement over last weekend - I do think in part because her stomach feels better and she's a bit more settled into all the changes that have been going on. But still, I am just beat. When she goes down for a nap, I take one too. I am so tired at the end of the day as well. Uri says I should exercise and I agree but each day goes by without a window where I possibly could do it. Please know this is not an opportunity to tell me how easy it would be to exercise if I only [fill in the blank]. It's just tough right now and my schedule is busy. Some day I'll be able to do it again but just not right now. OKAY? Sheesh.
So for now, having another baby is put off. We'll see how I feel in 6 months or so. I know myself and I know that I can't deal with being pregnant and nauseous and having to keep this pace up. Also, I tried to go off prozac and I had a tough time of it. I'm trying taking less mg per day now (10 instead of 20) so we'll see how that goes. I'll try tapering off again when I'm ready to try for a second. (Although I'm still not totally convinced a second is right for me.) I HATE thinking about this. I really don't want to go through pregnancy and the first year again - it was so difficult. I think prozac could possibly be a big help compared to last time but still, I'm scared. Ugh.
