On Friday night, we went out to dinner at R&D Kitchen, one of our favorite family-friendly restaurants. It's great because they have booths and changing tables in the bathroom - one for the women AND one for the men. Amen. Once we had enjoyed some of our wine and our dinner was placed before us, I made my announcement to Uri. The big news is that I have changed my mind and I'm willing to try for another child. I think after writing this post, something in me began to change. I'm not sure if it was listing all the reasons I wanted to have one child or just saying it in such a convincing way. A little door opened up in my heart and I just started to think - well, maybe, just maybe.
Uri and I had always planned to have two children but the first year was just so difficult for me. And pregnancy was no piece of cake either. But the meds have really made a difference in my life - I don't feel like I'm just fighting to get through the day any more. Some of my blog friends have been posting about their own thoughts on the matter and this got me thinking too. I think I can do it. I want to do it. I know it won't be easy but it's right.
I feel so much better now; I know the decision is the right one. We're not trying yet - we're waiting for Anna to be a little older first. I'd prefer the kiddos to be 3 years apart if I can swing it. We're going to "pull the goalie" around Anna's 2nd birthday. Also this gives me a full summer to just enjoy and not be pregnant or breast feeding. Also - the breast feeding may not last as long the second time around. If I'm struggling, I'm going to consider quitting and going back on meds. Breast feeding is great but my own stability as a mother is more important. I know I would never make it pumping 10 months again - not when I know how freeing it was to stop. I'll do the best I can but I'm not going to push myself so hard. I want to have more balance and enjoy the whole thing more. I think this will be better for everyone in the family.
So of course, who knows how long it will take and what the journey has in store for us - but I've opened the door.