Christmas Day

Just Checking In

So hey! The holidays have been pretty fun so far. This week we went on a little family trip to Santa Barbara where it rained so much that I thought we were going to have to board the Arc with animals two by two. But, it was also raining at home so at least we had a change of scenery. The highlight of the trip was having dinner with my aunt & uncle who we haven't seen in five years. They got to meet Anna even though she wasn't in her best form since it was close to bed time. But still, it was really nice. Anna also enjoyed the natural history museum which had lots of taxidermied animals. A little strange but hey, that's okay. What else are you going to do in the pouring rain?

I know, I know - pictures: I haven't posted many lately. But, but! Here are two blog posts by friends of mine that mention Anna and have pictures. So there you go:

I Heart Chocolate Cake

The Apleys

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve (!) and extra specially exciting because we have family coming to stay with us. I can't wait. And then on Christmas we're entertaining  - should be fun. I am sure Anna will enjoy all the commotion.

I'll be back - with pictures - soon as I can.

Nonconformist

That's a dress but it's up around her waist because she kept sliding down the couch instead of sitting up like the rest of the kids.

Holidays Here We Come!

Today I feel like I'm about to embark a journey... two weeks without Anna going to school. This is the first time since college that I have a holiday break. Usually I enjoy working through the holidays because no one is in the office and I can clean up and get stuff organized for the new year. But having a kid changes so many things and now we're in the groove of holiday break, spring break, etc.

I think it's going to be fun, we have lots of stuff planned. Next week we're going to Santa Barbara for a few days and then Uri's brother and his wife are coming to visit. Very exciting. We are hosting Christmas Day for our family and it will be fun to see everyone. I'm sure Anna will enjoy having everyone at the house. I wisely have scheduled everyone to arrive during her nap and not before so hopefully she'll get some down time before the festivities.

So hopefully we'll have lots of picture updates soon as well as just fun updates in general. Here we go!

Tidbits

So my mom finally got a little camera for her computer and Anna and I have been calling her and doing video chat. It's very exciting for Anna, she always asks for Bella and then "More Bella". Bella is my  mom's golden retriever and Anna just can't get enough of her. My mom puts Bella's head in front of the camera and Anna goes nuts. My sister just set it up on her computer too so we can't wait to call her. Very fun and highly recommended.

Anna has been saying some funny stuff lately. She's obsessed with bees. Sometimes she'll just say "bumblebee" over and over. And whenever she sees a little speck it's a "little bee" - specifically, a "little bee right there".

On Sunday, we were visiting some of our birth class friends and their cat came down and looked at the kids for bit. Then the cat went back up the stairs. Anna called the cat "pretty Jocey" for some reason (Jocey is one of our cats) and then said that "Pretty Jocey ran away". Whoa, big sentence! Everyone was very entertained by that sentence and she latched on to it and suddenly everything was running away...

"Little bee ran away" (of course)
"Daddy ran away"
"Russell ran away"
"Bella ran away"

Anna knows this sentence is exciting for us so she decided to talk about all sorts of things running away last night when it was time to go to bed. I think she was trying to buy more time. Pretty funny.

Yesterday when I picked up Anna from school, she was wearing socks. This is not remarkable except for the fact that I didn't send her to school with socks. I rarely wear socks so I don't think about them too much. But I don't play outside all day either. So she came home with dingy old socks that had probably been hanging around at school for ages - some kid probably left them once they graduated to the next room or something. Sigh - so I am that mom who sends her kid to school without proper clothing! Today I put on both shoes AND socks and I'm going to work on getting some more socks so this doesn't happen again. When she was in Robeez I really didn't use socks because they are kind of a sock/shoe type thing, or maybe not, whatever. So anyway, yeah - hint taken.

Oh and a cute story from school: So I guess Anna is now the official class greeter. I drop her off early relative to the other kids so she sees almost everyone showing up. I guess she welcomes everybody by name when they arrive. Also when we leave she's been saying individual goodbyes to all the kids and teachers. So funny. One of her good buddies is a kid named Giancarlo and she was talking about him at home the other day but I thought she was talking about "Jello". I thought - there is no way that they are giving the kids jello - her school is super big on the wholesome snacks - such as cut up yam. Anyway, I figured out that "jello" was Giancarlo. Nevermind that she was talking about her friend Griffin the other day and I thought she said "champagne". Where does my mind go sometimes...

Mother's Little Helper

Well, remember this post where I said I had some issues and I was going to talk to my doctor? I went to the doctor this morning and she wrote me a prescription for Sarafem, which is actually Fluoxetine - better known as Prozac. It seems that Sarafem is usually prescribed for PMDD, which is basically PMS plus. When I read the information about PMDD, a lot of it struck a chord with me, and if you have 5 of these symptoms coincide with your PMS, it's more likely PMDD. 

I feel really conflicted about taking an SSRI (Fluoxetine) for this. Something about going on a drug that I will take every day for the foreseeable future - well, it's scary. But, BUT, I am tired of feeling like such a puppet of the fates for a week every single month. My doctor was like - whoa! If you were feeling like this, you should have come in so much earlier! It's no big deal and it's too bad you had to suffer. Because when I think about it, there were some times after Anna was born that I was just so overwhelmed. I just can't tell - is what I feel NORMAL and part of the human experience? Or is it a little more intense and maybe I need some help? How can I ever know?

I was really tormented about the whole thing and called Uri. He was awesome and took me out to lunch. As with everything, he says he supports me either way and was really good about not being judgy about any of it. We came to the conclusion that it's worth a try. Yes there is controversy around prescribing these drugs as with anything, but my OBGYN practice is humongous. Between all the doctors, they birth over 800 babies a year so all this stuff is pretty commonplace to them. It just seems like the right solution. We talked about pulling out the IUD and going back on the pill, but PMDD can get worse with time and there's a chance that the pill wouldn't even make a dent in it. Plus, the IUD is an $800 apparatus and there are no guarantees that my new insurance would be down for paying for a new one. I'm stuck with the heavier bleeding but it's trivial to pull out the IUD whenever if that's what I decide to do. So I'm trying this route first.

If it works - it will be awesome. Feeling totally normal all month? A win. So we'll see. 

Pro Tip

You know, I have been meaning to post this tip on the blog and I keep forgetting. Yesterday we had a small get-together with our friends from birth class and I mentioned it and this reminded me to put it down here.

This tip is from Melanie, one of my mommy& me friends. She told me that her son eats his meals better if she gives him the food and then kind of hides where he can't see her. This made a lot of sense to me and for Anna's next meal I tried it out. It definitely works. Anna sits at her little table and eats her meal at her own pace. I like leaving her alone while she eats for a ton of reasons:

• It puts less pressure on the whole food situation. She doesn't feel that she needs to eat if she isn't hungry, she is free to eat the food as she pleases and not worry about my opinions.
• I am able to get other chores in the kitchen done like unloading the dishwasher.
• There are less meal time shenanigans like banging the spoon on the table or saying "all done" every two seconds - I am guessing this is because there is no longer an audience for said shenanigans. 

I know a lot of people like to sit down and eat as one big family and I'm sure that some day we'll work up to that. But for now, this is really working for us. 

I hope everyone had a great weekend. We bought and decorated our tree and it is so festive in the house now. I'm really glad we're hosting our family for Christmas instead of Thanksgiving because now more people get to enjoy the tree. Anna calls it the "Juju Tree" - not sure why. I'll try to post some pictures of the tree this week.

Update from the GP

Hi Erica and Uri. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. I want to share these images with you of Anna engaging in dramatic play. She has recently shown lots of interest in working with baby dolls  walking around holding them while singing "night night". Now she has been working on putting a diaper on the dolls. She will ask for help and the teachers will model for her the steps while Anna attempts to do the same. Anna is learning problem solving skills  in the process while continuing to try over and over again until she moves onto something else. It is fascinating to watch Anna's determination in wanting to practice how to get the diaper on. Enjoy these images and have a wonderful day.





Side note: that folder that she has the doll on is her family book. Each family makes one for their child. We put in pictures of Anna and our family including extended family and friends. The kids really love reading their family books throughout the day as well as reading each others' books.

Another side note: Anna is wearing the boots I loved so much that are now too small.

Last side note: Her trying to put a diaper on a doll... it's too cute!!

Two Cute Pictures from School

Also, I can't believe that blue sweatshirt is already looking too small! She is growing really fast lately.

Wa-wa, Wa-wa, Up and Down

This morning, Anna was entertaining herself in the floor length mirror as I got ready for work. She brushed her teeth, flossed, (well, kind of anyway) and then she was singing herself a little song. It just went:

Wa-wa, Wa-wa, Up and Down
Wa-wa, Wa-wa, Up and Down
and again and again...

It was a really cute little song. It's funny to me that she can pronounce some words really well (applesauce) but still says "wawa" for water. Who knows. Every day she surprises me with a new word. Last night I had a ceramic bowl out that I was using for a snack. When I was done she picked up the bowl and said "bowl heavy". Man, I can't believe she knows heavy! And she said it really clearly too. Of course it's obvious that she's a genius.

Another cute thing Anna has been doing is making her calls. On the way home from school, she announces to me who she wants to call on the phone. She calls the phone a "hello". So she will say "daddy hello" or "leesh hello" or "lola hello" and then when we get home she likes to call them up and talk a bit. Sometimes she will talk to them but often when someone is actually on the phone she'll freeze up. When she's done talking to that person she will say "all done" and "bye bye daddy" or whoever it is and then she often mentions who she wants to call next. My mom just got a video camera hooked up to her computer so when Uri gets home tomorrow we're going to test video conferencing. That should be interesting. And yes, I think I'm kind of over using "DH" for Uri. I hope our world doesn't come crashing down because of it.

By the way, you guys CRACKED ME UP with your real food confessions yesterday. I'm having trouble deciding which is funnier - the bacon flavored easy cheese or the eight strips of bacon on a plate in the microwave. And then this morning eggo waffles with bologna comes in and I am just dying at my desk. Seriously awesome. Way to do it everyone.

So I got our holiday cards in the mail yesterday and I love it so much that I framed one to keep on my desk. I don't expect that everyone will feel this enthused about them but hey, it's a winner to me.

Tomorrow is Friday and our office holiday party. It should be nice this year, at someone's house and we're having it catered by these people that make sweet and savory crepes. Also: beer and wine. Uri will stop by with Anna then we'll probably both go home early. When she's older I'll be able to get a babysitter that can put her to bed but until then it's kind of difficult for us to go out at night unless she's already asleep. Well, that's all the news that's fit to print and some of it that isn't. Have a great day.

Real Food Confession

I thought I would share a real food confession - something I made for myself recently that I really enjoyed but is kind of embarrassing. I made a bean and cheese burrito and put cut up hot dog in it. It was so tasty! I pretty much eat bean and cheese burritos every day for dinner when Uri is gone. I think they are the perfect food - take about 2 minutes to make (microwave!) and are mmm mmm delicious. I had these hot dogs in the meat drawer like forever but since they are cured they last quite a while. I thought it would be delightful to combine two of my favorite things. Delicious.

Look at this! I googled hot dog burrito just for fun and behold... a burrito INSIDE a hot dog. It is also wrapped in bacon which I could do without but wow, that is some innovation.

Do you have something you eat that is really good to you but maybe a little strange or embarrassing?

SHOES!

Well, I had to go on a little shoe shopping spree for Anna. Her feet were so small for so long, I have had her in the same shoes forever. Lately I've noticed her 6-12 month Robeez are getting a bit tight. I'm bummed because I love her little Robeez boots so much.  But I also think it's time for her to graduate from the soft soled shoes because she plays outside a lot and with the walking the soft soled shoes get beat up quickly.


I found some great shoes at Amazon for 20% off the sale price (if you buy 2 or more pairs) so hopefully these will work out:

Stride Rite Toddler SRT Marissa Boot,Pomegranate ($23.92 after additional 20% off)





Naturino Toddler/Little Kid 7805 Mary Jane,Bianco ($26.85 after additional 20% off)










 
Stride Rite Toddler SRT Carol T-Strap Shoe,Black ($28.80 after additional 20% off)











Robeez Mini Shoez Kids' Patent Mary Jane,Black ($19.19 after additional 20% off)











I bought two black pairs because I need them for Anna's Christmas outfit which I got this past weekend. I want to be sure one of them works. The Robeez one is a little smaller size and more flexible - I just wanted options.

I already knew about Stride Rite but Dr. Shoe Mom wrote about the SRT shoes on her site. Supposedly they help prevent falling in early walkers and encourage balance. So I gave them a go. And I loved the last pair of Naturinos we bought so I got another pair of those. Naturinos are usually pretty expensive - $60 and up at Nordstrom's, so Amazon has some good deals. I am sure the shoes I bought are from some season long ago but that doesn't matter to me.


I bought the outfit at the Saks outlet and you can actually find it on Amazon for full price... I paid $24 or something and it's $42 on Amazon. (For shame Amazon!)

Nicole Miller Girls Sasha Tunic And Legging












Well, I am excited about Anna's new duds and kicks!

How Do I Regain Control?

I have come to the realization that hormones make a fool of me in a regular pattern. I am going to the doctor next week to see about some solutions but I thought I would put it out there and see if anyone has experienced this and what works for them.

My problem is I get really frustrated and angry at the drop of a hat the few days leading up to my period. Every month I get these instances where I just feel out of control angry at not very upsetting stuff. For example, on Friday when I came home and DH hadn't thrown out the pumpkins on the porch like I had asked him to. It always turns out that I get my period a few days after these incidents. Now luckily, I didn't lash out at DH. I knew I was feeling very angry at a pretty dumb thing and I just told him I felt really mad and needed a breather. I said I was disappointed about the pumpkins but that doesn't describe my feelings at all. I mean, I was crazy seeing red like as if I had walked in on him making out with my friend or something. And just in general the past few days have been really hard for me emotionally which is stupid because there isn't really anything wrong in my life.

It's a little scary that I am so susceptible to mood swings like that and I wonder about what can be done? I think that being on the pill used to really help manage my hormones and now that I am on an IUD, my body has just been having a heyday as far as hormones are concerned. I've noticed a lot of annoying stuff - heavier and longer bleeding, pimple-city, and this anger that just bursts forth from nowhere with the intensity of a supernova but then it's gone as fast as it came. But it is not acceptable!

I feel good that at least I've identified the problem. But I really need to work on a solution because it takes me by surprise every month and the anger is real. I guess one thing would be to work on meditating and getting a hold of myself but usually I don't have any problem with this. And I can control myself when it's happening but I just wonder - is there something that can be done to stop it from happening at all? I guess I'm hinting at some kind of drug solution so maybe that's not the answer but I just don't know. I don't know that it's worth being on drugs all the time for a few bad days - you know - PMS. Maybe I should just suck it up and wear my big girl pants. I don't know.

Anyone out there experience something similar and have success getting it under control?

Lighthearted Friday Fun

Well, after the heavy week I've had, I thought it would be fun to talk about music today. Specifically, albums. I have a question for all of you? What is your favorite album? Now I will say I am not asking your favorite album OF ALL TIME because that's kind of hard. I'm willing to bet that you've had different favorite albums depending on the time of your life. At one time my favorite album was Madonna's True Blue but I'm not rocking that on my iPod today. And maybe one time my favorite album was Bobby Brown's Don't Be Cruel. And oh, Tori Amos's Little Earthquakes, how you understood all the angst of my youth.

You can also leave a comment about a favorite newer album, or an old favorite, or just any album that you deem comment-worthy. I'm looking for some ideas here. My spiff new Mazda5 actually has an input for iPod so I've been more into playlists and such lately. Also we bought a new docking station for the house and so I go from car to home with DH's super old iPod Nano that still works really well. He wanted to get me a new one for Christmas but I dunno, I'm all about using old stuff it works.

So ANYWAY, long story short is I'm looking for some inspiration. Some tunes to add to my rotation.

I will tell you my favorite album right now. It's definitely an oldie-but-goodie. Ben Harper's Welcome to the Cruel World. Lord, I love that album. I can listen to it like a thousand-million times...in a row. Ha ha I just read the Amazon editorial review for the album here and man, he really trashed it. Thanks Amazon, one of my favorite places, for trashing my favorite album. Screw you Geoffrey Himes, music reviewer man.

Okay people, spill it. Talk to me about albums.

What If?

As you may have noticed, I think about whether or not we will have a second child a lot. I feel like our society piles a lot of guilt on parents who choose to have just one child. Although this isn't proven to be true, the accepted standard is that only children are spoiled creatures who are more like adults than kids. The thing is, there is no way you can easily categorize any child - whether an only child or one of eight. I believe each child is born with their own personality largely intact and we as parents are just there to help them grow into themselves.

I had a discussion with DH on Sunday about our family. After the holiday weekend, I again came to the conclusion that I just don't see myself having another child. I know that a lot of people change their minds about this once their first children are a bit older, like three, and things become more manageable. But for me, I think about how I will be turning 35 shortly after Anna's third birthday and that means that I would have a child under three until I am 38 or 39 years old - depending on how long it would take to conceive. That will be practically a whole decade of my life where I am juggling so much and just trying to get by. I do realize that second children are often a lot easier to manage  - well, most of the time. But sigh, it's just so hard for me to get over that hump. To think about going through pregnancy again, nursing, dreaded pumping, oh my goodness it's all so overwhelming. I feel like during those times I lost so much of myself and was just a nourishing machine.

I love my sister so much and it's wonderful to have a sibling to go through life with. I know my husband feels the same about his brother. But I don't WANT another kid. Right now I think about having two as a way to give the gift of a sibling to Anna. But then I think perhaps the best gift I can give her is a mother who is balanced and opportunities to develop friendships with her extended family and peers. But somehow I just feel like I am failing as a parent if that is all I can do. The dreaded guilt - it rears its ugly head in so many ways.

I know so many women who already know they want a second and for some a third or a fourth. This is how they feel in their hearts. I don't judge them so I don't know why I am judging myself so harshly on this or why I keep dragging it through my head time and time again. I think to myself - what if I had only started this whole process earlier? Would it be different if I were younger? Not that I had much choice since I met my husband at 28 and we had to go through that whole process of you know - getting to know each other and getting married, etc.

I guess it's all an exercise in futility. All I know for sure is what I feel in my heart and right now I feel like Anna is it for us. We'll see how it goes.

A Sigh of Relief

I feel like I just climbed out of a big hole. Ah. I feel so refreshed! The last two days were pretty hectic at work. We moved our online investor center over to a whole new system and then pushed it out to the users. So far, everything has been pretty smooth. A few bumps but that was to be expected. It was very consuming and all on my head if anything went wrong. But, it's been very quiet - and this is great.

Also, DH has been gone... again. This time he's on the East coast. He gets home late tonight but then leaves on Saturday for Japan. For a week. Honestly? It's not nearly as hard as it used to be. Also, the house is a lot cleaner because I only have one person to pick up after instead of two. I love my husband but he is physically incapable of putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. He has the same problem with leaving flatware on the counter. You know, when he tastes a little snack from the fridge. So anyway, the house has been pretty clean although certainly more lonesome. And Anna just misses him like crazy. "Daddy? Daddy!"

So this morning was a beautiful shining gift. I almost don't want to write about it because I'd love for it to happen again and I don't want to jinx it but here goes. This morning I stayed in bed until 7:20 am!!! Oh glory of glories! This is the longest I've slept in in so, so long. I woke up at 6:15 and thought hmmm, I should really get up and do my hair and get dressed before Anna wakes up. But then I thought - shit - she never sleeps in, I don't care if it's a Wednesday, I am staying in bed until 6:45. Then at 6:45 I thought, well, would 7:00 hurt? Then suddenly it was 7:20 and Anna was calling out to me. Yeah, I was late to work but man, it was 100% WORTH IT. Ah people, I feel so rested, so human! Sleep, you are so beautiful.

Sleeping in today was part of my never ending quest to find more balance - to make things easier for myself. I have been thinking a lot lately - do I make things harder than they have to be? Am I trying too hard to be the super parent of all time? I have always been an overachiever and this is a hard trait to have as a parent because you can just overachieve on EVERYTHING and totally screw yourself in the process.

I read all the comments on this post over at AskMoxie and I felt surrounded by kindred spirits. Everyone agreed how difficult raising an infant is and I heard more than once to just relax - let go of some of the stuff that doesn't matter. I am still having trouble finding that little bit of "me time" every week like I promised I would do. But I think this weekend I'll drive out to spend the night at my mom's and leave Anna with her while I just go putter around by myself somewhere. I think I want to buy some new clothes. One positive aspect of never having any "me time" is that my bank account just keeps growing as I never spend any money! (Although our joint account is suffering from my Amazon problem but hey that's all stuff for ANNA.)

Well folks, I hope everything is going great for each of you. It's officially the holidays so take it easy. Try to find your balance and I will too.