Just recently, two good friends of mine expressed their surprise that their second children threw tantrums because they really hadn't experienced any with their firstborns. I was floored. I can't imagine a life without tantrums; we've gotten quite a healthy dose in our household. I was searching around on the web a bit and I came across
this page which had a blurb on tantrums that made me laugh:
At home, there are predictable situations that can be expected to trigger temper tantrums, such as bedtime, suppertime, getting up, getting dressed, bath time, watching TV, parent talking on the phone, visitors at the house, family visiting another house, car rides, public places, family activities involving siblings, interactions with peers, and playtime.
I can honestly say that we've had a tantrum in most of the above situations, and some of them trigger tantrums on a regular basis. We go through quite a trial most nights when Anna is subjected to the horrors of the trifecta: putting on pajamas, brushing hair & teeth, and going potty. It is really tiring and tends to end the day on a low note. Of course, there are some nights when we just happily go through the motions but there are far too many bad nights for my taste.
When I say tantrum, I don't mean some general crying and disobedience. I mean yelling, crying, kicking, screaming, repetitive phrases, the whole 9 yards. I've finally gotten to the point where I can mostly let the tantrums wash over me, I try not to react too much to them, to just let them pass. I try to be firm on my stance - one the storm has passed, we still go through the routine - pajamas, brush hair & teeth, go potty. It's hard though, it takes a toll on me. I know they take a toll on her too. Usually when they are over she's forgotten about what she was even angry about and I just hold her and rock her. That's hard too - to be the hated mean mother one minute and the savior and comforter the next. But it's what I have to do.
Anna's tantrums are definitely at a more intense level than what I've seen from other kids. She
turns it up to 11. I remember recently we were at the mall with my mom on Easter weekend. They were having a little kid party with crafts and music and we showed up towards the end when everything was pretty much over. They were giving out prizes for a raffle drawing and Anna saw another little girl win a prize. Anna started to get really upset because she wanted to win. Before I could find a way around it, her feelings turned into a full blown tantrum and it was a doozy. I had to strap her into her stroller (thank goodness I had it) and even then she was trying to stand up and fling herself out. I had to physically tip the stroller backwards so it was parallel to the ground to keep her from somehow getting out. I kept making progress towards the car while Anna flailed and screamed repetitive phrases at the top of her lungs in a scary "
redrum" demon voice. Everywhere people were turning to look at us - I'm sure it's even more hilarious because she looks so cute with her ponytails and bright clothing. I'm used to this kind of attention but I could tell it was rattling my mom. She was pointing out things in store windows and trying to have a conversation with me about the shops. I could tell she was pretty embarrassed. I'm embarrassed when this stuff happens too but I'm just so darned used to it, I guess I'm mostly just thinking of the next step - which is how to get the hell to the car.
Being pregnant has made it more difficult because I don't have as much physical power to control Anna with. We've had two recent explosions at local parks and I had to speak more tersely than I'm used to and threaten things like taking away some of her ponies. I am aware of other parents looking at me and well, there's not much I can do. During today's tantrum, Anna threw a bucket of sand in anger and some of the shrapnel hit a boy. I really couldn't add one more element to what was going on so I didn't insist on an apology to him or anything like that. She even broke the bucket, which I felt badly about, but I just had to focus on dragging her away from the play structure. I know I should have acknowledged the damage and sand situation to the boy and his mother but I was just in removal mode and it was all I could do to soldier on.
I know tantrums are just a phase (god, I hope) and I do think that we are having less as time goes on. Anna is just an extremely intense and willful kid, she always has been. I get the other side of the coin too - she loves me so strongly and tells me all the time. She feels with all her heart and I'm like that too. I get it. It took me many years to get a handle on my temper and not let my emotions get the better of me. I hope I can guide her on the beginning of that path for herself. It's tough, yeah, but this is what I signed up for. Hopefully we'll all make it through to the other side.
